F5 to restart Elmo
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who
swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.
Q. Why couldn't the pony talk?
A. Because he was a little hoarse.
Q. What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
A. Winnie the Phew!
Q. What did the Arithmetic textbook say to the Reading
textbook?
A. Don't tell me your sad stories, I'm the one with the
problems!"
Q. What did the Calculus textbook say to the Arithmetic
textbook?
A. "You think *you've* got problems!"
Q. Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
A. They all have phones.
Q. What did the zero say to the eight?
A. Nice belt.
Q. What happened to the frog when he parked on double
yellow lines?
A. He got toad away.
Q. Where did the baby ear of corn come from?
A. The stalk brought her.
Q. Why are robots never afraid?
A. Because they have nerves of steel.
Q. What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their
milk?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.
Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs.
Q. What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
A. Mice Krispies.
Q. What do whale's like to chew?
A. Blubber gum.
Q. How does a lion like his steak?
A. Medium roar.
Q. What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
A. French flies.
Q. What do cats like on their hot dogs?
A. Mouse-tard.
Q. What is a little's dog's favorite drink?
A. Pupsi-cola.
Q. What is the first letter in yellow?
A. Y. Because I want to know.
How come golfers wear two pairs of shoes?
Because they might get a hole in one.
What kind of banks do alligators use?
River banks.
What do you call a frozen policeman?
A copsicle.
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.
What did the rug say to the floor?
I've got you covered.
What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or tweet.
How do you make friends with a computer?
Bit by bit.
Who always goes to bed with shoes on?
A horse.
Why did Mr. Stupid tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
What's better than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
What's stranger than seeing a catfish?
Seeing a goldfish bowl.
Why do turkeys eat so little?
Because they're always stuffed.
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a
boy scout?
Someone who likes to pitch tents.
Why is a calendar so sad?
Because its days are numbered.
What do cows give after an earthquake?
Milk shakes.
If two is company and three is a crowd, what is four and
five?
Nine.
What has two arms but can't raise them?
a chair.
Why do ghosts like health food?
Because it's super natural.
Why would anyone hire an elephant?
Because they like to work for peanuts.
Why didn't the skeleton ask his girl friend to the dance?
Because he didn't have any guts.
What did one arithmetic book say to the other?
I've got a lot of problems.
Why do bananas put on suntan lotion?
To keep from peeling.
Why is a room full of married people empty?
Because there's not a single person in it.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why did the jelly role?
Because it saw the apple turn over.
Why did the fly dance on top of the pickle jar?
Because it said twist to open.
Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
To the moo-vies.
Why are birds poor?
Because money doesn't grow on trees.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What did one autumn leaf say to another?
I'm falling for you.
How do you tell someone that they are really ugly?
You are so ugly the tide won't go out with you.
How can your pocket be empty and still have something in
it?
When it has a hole in it.
Why did the baker rob the bank?
He needed the dough.
Why did the farmer feed his cows money?
He wanted rich milk.
What should you do if your dog is missing?
Check the lost and hound.
What kind of truck do ballerinas drive?
Toe trucks.
What do the moon and false teeth have in common?
They both come out at night.
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