The following was written by Lewis Napper
(previously incorrectly attributed to Rep. Micthell Kaye of Georgia)
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots,
keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings
of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common
sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional,
and other liberal bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so
dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based
on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone, not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.,
but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick
a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in
public health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where
you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives
in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments
and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.
However, we do not enjoy
parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our
time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and
a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you
to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training
laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot easier
if unencumbered by laws created by those of you who were confused by the
Bill of Rights.