John Fitten Goldsmith III
President, Caveat Emptor Inc.

Wonderful information for those of you who wish to steal my identity.

Here we go, on a hidden tableau
In the cheek: the tongue, And the 2 for 1
is right, honesty implied
I'm just wasted...

I am the son of country music living legend Jumpin John and Judith, heiress of a Florida furniture empire.

When I was born, we lived in Plantation, which is a suburb of Fort Lauderdale. Just down the street from our house, Miami Dolphin running back Larry Csonka.

Larry Csonka

Then it kinda becomes a blur. Things I've learned:

- Block parties in Virginia are much more fun than the block parties in New Jersey.
-In kick ball, the worst defender always plays in left field... so kick there.
- Greece is a wonderful country and the isles of Crete and Mykonos are the best. But never, under any circumstances, go to a topless beach with your grandmother.
- During the annual St. Patrick's Day celebrations in Savannah, the Boogie Boat is really isn't about boogie-ing, its about drinking Bud.
- The citizens of Smartsville, CA fought back when the government tried to drop an "s" and change the name to Smartville, CA. Just goes to show, you have to stand up to 'the man.'
- When a ref misses a call at a sporting event, the best thing to yell is "Open your other eye, Cyclops."
- Being a snob is wrong... unless you're a snob about intellect. Stupid people should be looked down on.
- Having said that, its fun to go in coffee shops where people are reading Proust and poetry, and whip out the latest TV Guide.
- Just because you like a girl, don't think you can date her identical twin sister without consequences.

Okay, I've started a blog for historical record, and those with too much free time...


non edible


Home Page>>
sneaky

Fitten: The Scholar

When I was growing up, I attended:
George Washington Middle

which was NOT named for our great president... but instead for a janitor named George Washington who worked there for several decades.

That's why I can't splel good.

hide and seek


Home Page>>

prancer

on fire
Trenchcoat Club
• Read about my band


Screenwriter
• My page on imdb.com


Improvisation

In the late 90s, I was in Mecca... ie. Chicago performing at ImprovOlympic, Annoyance & Second City Theaters. While living in the Windy City, I performed in such wonderful troupes as the Missing Fersons, the Pat Shay Dancers, and the Pack and in such critically acclaimed show as Del Close's Night of the Mutant Harolds, Commedia dell' High School and
Jedi! A Musical Tour de Force. In Los Angeles, I've continued at ImprovOlympic with the Hip Replacements, and in shows such as Menage A Cubed, and the perfectly titled show, The Fitten.

 

Brilliant Things

TELEVISION
The Office - The Best Show on Television. Similar in style to Christopher Guest's movies like Best In Show... but more brutal, more laughs.
Twin Peaks - The greatest show no longer on television.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien - Triumph and Pimpbot, need I say more?
SCTV - Best sketch show and best cast.
The Simpsons - The best Simpsons site on the web.

FILM
Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb - Best. Movie. Ever.
Rotten Tomatoes - Never pay money to see a film that's rotten.

INTERNET FUN
The Onion - New Issue out every Wednesday. Always hilarious.
BuzzFlash - Best progressive internet news site.

FOOD
The Varsity - If you're in Atlanta, have no coronary troubles, and love food, do yourself a favor and eat here.
Potbelly Sandwich Works - The place to eat in Chicago, note: they've expanded to WashDC & Ann Arbor.
Uncle Julio's - Best Mexican with great chips/margaritas in Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Arlington, etc.
Po' Folks - Since certain locations have changed their names to just "Folks" I'm afraid the Hee Haw atmosphere just isn't the same.
Mo's Pizza - A place so special T & I wrote a song about it. Atlanta
Krispy Kreme - You can tell I eat well, huh?

ALCOHOL
Woodchuck Cider - The original Amber sets the standard.
Jack Daniels - Old No. 7 brand.

BARS
Guthrie's Taverns - Chicago has a million great bars, this one is the most comfortable, just down from Wrigley Field.
The Snake Pit - Dive Bar on Melrose in LA. Serviceable food and service, but the atmosphere and jukebox are relaxing.

 

For those of you whom know: It's Little Fury Things because its named after the great Dinosaur Jr song, rather than Little Furry Things.