Once, in the great city of  Los Angeles, there were two feuding families; the Knapps and the Martins.  The Martins were very wealthy.  They wanted their daughter Jonquil to marry the son of a close family friend.  This man, Troy, was also extremely wealthy.  Everything was perfect for the Martins.  Of course, there were the Knapps.
 
    The Knapps and the Martins had been rivals for the longest time.  Mr. Knapp owned a series of minimalls along I-78.  Mr. Martin wanted that land, so he could build another forty-eight room guest house.  However, Mr Knapp was unwilling to part with his million-dollar minimalls. Hence, the two families became bitter rivals.

    Mr. Knapp's son, Fabio, was to inherit all of Mr. Knapp's fortunes.  But alas, young Fabio did not want to be a minimall man.  He wanted to explore the great outdoors.  Perhaps he might even get to see
Nevada.  Oh, he was a dreamer, young Fabio.  He had even planned out his entire life with his one true love, Natasha.  However, young Fabio's heart was crushed when he realized that Natasha didn't love him.  He moped around the Knapp estate for days.  Finally, his two best friends, Les and Bean, convinced him to go to a new and happening club.

    Meanwhile, poor Jonquil was so lonely.  Her maid was her only friend.  She longed for excitement in her life.  Being a millionaire's daughter was so hard, especially since he had really wanted a boy.  However, Jonquil did get pampered daily by her servants, so she wasn't that upset.  She called for her maid.

    "Rachel,  I'm bored," she complained.
 
    "Well, miss, your father's club is open tonight.  Why don't you go there and relax?" Rachel tried to comfort her friend.

    "All right, Rachel.  I guess that's what I need, after all."

    Jonquil sent Rachel away and hurried to get dressed.

    The three young men went to the popular club with their whole gang.  Unfortunately, the group hadn't realized that the club was owned by the Martins.  Fabio really wasn't in the mood to go, but he let his
friends drag him along, anyway.  The club was so crowded, that poor young Fabio spilled his Manhattan all over himself.  As he went to the bar for a napkin, something bright caught his eye.   He turned in that direction and saw the most beautiful thing in the world.  He saw a 15x20 glossy of a 1968 Corvette Stingray.  It was so beautiful, that he actually started to weep. A young woman heard this weeping and turned toward him.

    "Excuse me, are you all right," she asked him.

    Fabio looked up. "Hmm?  Oh.  Yes, I'm fine.  Thanks."  He went back to wiping his drink off of his shirt.  The young woman was persistant.

    "Umm,  a little club soda will take that right out.  Here let me get it for you.  Jack," she signaled to the bartender, "get me a club soda."  The bartender returned and gave a glass to the woman.

    "Here Jonquil." Jack went back to washing the dirty glasses behind the bar.

    Fabio looked at Jonquil.  "Jonquil...That's such a pretty name.  What does it mean?"

    Jonquil looked at Fabio.  "It's the name of a flower," she said.  "What's your name?"

    "Fabio," Fabio replied.

    "Oh, like the guy on the covers of those romance novels?" Jonquil was warming to this subject.

    "Uh, yeah.  Just like him.  Only more three dimensional.  Can I buy you something to drink?"

    "No, I'm sober," Jonquil replied.

    "I realized that," Fabio said.  " I was hoping I could stop that."  Jonquil turned bright red and started giggling.

    "Hee, hee.  No, silly.  Listen I know a place where we can go and, uh, well..."

    "Talk?"

    "Yeah, talk." Jonquil led Fabio to the far wall and up the stairs.  They wound up in an exquisite room.

    "Wow," Fabio breathed.  "How did you know about this?"  Jonquil waved it aside with her hand.

    Not even ten minutes had gone by, but they were already on the couch...with their shoes off.  They were so engrossed in each other, that they had not even realized that the phone was ringing.  Jonquil got up and went to the phone.  She picked it up.  She said, "Hello?"  Fabio looked around the room with interest.  Jonquil came back and said, "Fabio, I have to go now.  My father wants be back home.  I
hope to see you again."

    "Of course, Jonquil.  I could never let you out of my sight!"

    "Really?"  Jonquil blushed and looked down at the floor.

    "Jonquil, I've never had these feelings for anyone before.  When can I see you again?"

    "Oh, Fabio, I don't know.  Meet me here tomorrow night.  We'll see, then."

    "All right Jonquil.  Tomorrow night."  With that they both left the upstairs room.

    Fabio went in search of his friends through the dark and crowded club.  When he finally saw Bean and Les, he ran up to them and started talking enthusiastically.  Les and Bean were frightened of Fabio's
actions, but finally calmed him down by slapping him. The whole group of them walked down toward Knapp estate.  They all lived within five blocks of each other, so everything was peachy.

   Jonquil's father had sent a limousine to pick her up.  Before she left she asked Jack, the bartender, if he could do her a favor.  "Jack, could you do me a favor?  I need to see everyone who came in tonight.  Perhaps you might remember the man who spilled the drink on himself tonight?  I asked you for the club soda, remember?"

    Jack's face lit up.  "Oh yeah!  That guy, um, what was his name? I know I know him from somewhere..."

    Jonquil interrupted.  "Jack, his name is Fabio.  I know that much.  What can you tell me about him?"

    Jack had to think for a while.  "Fabio...Fabio...the guy on the covers of romance novels?  No!  I know!  He came with a group of people that I recognized as friends of the Knapps.  Yeah! He's a Knapp!"

    Jonquil's face fell.  "A Knapp?  Oh, the one guy that I pick to fall in love with... Oh man, my enemy!  And to think I showed him the upstairs suite!  But I do love him!"

    After learning from someone that Fabio's love was a Martin, he spent a few minutes agonizing.  Then he went to her house and proposed to her.  They agreed to meet at St. Sivle's Cathedral in Las Vegas.  Fabio was close with the eccentric minister, Fr. Bob.

    "Fr. Bob!  Fr. Bob, it's me, Fabio!  Fr. Bob, stop picking those weird herbs.  You know only those weird hippies use them."

    "Ah, my son, those weird hippies are very wise for their years.  This one is actually a breath mint, while this one could kill you.  It's all really, really cool.  Now, what is it that you need my son?"

    Fabio looked distraught.  "Fr. Bob, you promised you would marry the love of my life and me, today."

    Fr. Bob looked at Fabio.  "The love of your life?  I thought Natasha ripped out your heart and did the Mexican hat dance on it."

    "No, Fr. Bob.  Jonquil.  The love of my life is Jonquil.  She'll be here any minute." No sooner had he said that, she had arrived.  Fr. Bob performed the ceremony and then sent them home.  He had to "play with crystals and make pretty rainbows bounce of the walls".

    After saying farewell to Jonquil, he started to walk home.  The sun was beating down hard.  He had heard somewhere that it was 89 degrees, and this was only April.  As he was walking down toward the gang lands he saw a riot.  "Great," he thought.  However, as he neared the scene he saw Les and Baldilocks, the local gang lord and cousin of the Martins.

    It looked like Baldilocks and Les were involved in some sort of fight.  Realizing that Baldilocks was now his cousin, Fabio rushed to stop the fight between his friend and cousin.

    As Fabio tried to stop Baldilocks from beating up Les, Baldilocks knocked him to the ground.  Fabio got up and tried to stop them again, even though this time, Baldilocks had pulled out a gun.  Fabio jumped at Baldilocks and the gun went off.  Les fell down.

   Baldilocks must have realized that he just shot Les, so he and his gang ran away.  Fabio and his friends, however stayed with Les.  Before they knew it, Les was dead. Fabio grabbed the nearest gun and ran
for Baldilocks, even though he was his cousin.  Before he knew it, he had shot and killed Baldilocks and was forced to run to Baja, Mexico where the law couldn't find him.

    Fr. Bob devised a plan to keep Jonquil from marrying Troy.  He gave her a sleeping potion and pretended she was dead.  She would be put in the Martin family tomb with her cousin, Baldilocks.  Fr. Bob wrote Fabio a letter to tell him what was happening.  However, the mailman he gave the letter to, went ballistic and started feeding people's mail to the guard dogs.

    On the news, Fabio heard that Jonquil had died.  He was crushed and so bought a bottle of rat poison and drove up to the Martin tomb.  When he saw his fair Jonquil lying there, cold as stone, he couldn't take any more.  He opened the bottle of poison and drank.  He fell instantly.

    Fr. Bob had been expecting the worst, but he had not expected what was to follow.  He saw an unconcious body lying on the floor and an empty bottle next to it.  Jonquil woke up.  She looked  around and saw Fabio's dead body.  She started to freak out.  She pulled a knife from under her dress and thrust it into her body, screaming out, "Fabio! Fabio, I love you!"

    Fr. Bob was huddled in a corner, sucking his thumb.  He didn't know what to do.  A security guard who heard the screaming, saw what had happened.  He didn't know what to do.  It was his first night on the job.

    He called the real police.  When they arrived, along with the Martins and the Knapps, Fr. Bob fell to his knees and explained everything that he knew.  Mrs. Knapp was so hysterical that she fell down and hit her head on a slab of stone and died.

    After all of the funerals, for Fabio, Jonquil, Baldilocks, Les, and Mrs. Knapp, Mr. Knapp and Mr. Martin wanted to erect statues of their children, to remind them that it doesn't pay to want someone else's
minimalls.