If you ever go across the sea to Ireland,

then maybe at the closing of your day,

You may come across a fight about religion,

and watch the blood flow down to Derry Bay.

For the Irish dearly love their two religions,

and they'll brain you for the way you say your prayers,

So be careful what you do when in their church house,

or they'll beat you up and throw you down the stairs.

Let us hope that if there is a Land Hereafter,

God will be careful 'bout the Irish He lets in,

They will fuss and fight and tear His Blessed Place up,

while they turn their faith into a mortal sin.

Our apologies to the saintly dear old Patrick,

and also to the snakes he chased away,

'Twould've been better if he'd cast out all the Irish,

and let the peaceful, crawly serpents stay.