© Copyright 1999 James David Pearce
CULTURE CLASH
Once when Clem was 18, he found himself in Providence RI, with $20 in his pocket.
Providence is about as far north of the Mason-Dixon Line as Hertford County is south, and at the time, this particular city was as far Yankee as he had been privileged to get.
It had been a while since breakfast, and he welcomed the sight of a sign pointing to a sandwich grill.
He picked a table against a side wall. There were only a handful of customers in the eating area, and three female employees. One appeared to be the cashier and the other two were waiting on tables.
When the waitress arrived at Clem's table, he had decided on a ham sandwich.
"And what to drink?" she asked.
"Well," he said, "I think I'd like a glass of iced tea, with sugar."
The waitress' eyes widened. "Iced tea? With sugar?"
"Yes," he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "We don't serve iced tea."
"No iced tea?"
"Well, no. We have iced coffee, but we usually serve hot tea."
"Hot tea?" Clem had never heard of hot tea.
"Yes. We serve tea hot, with a tea bag and a mug of hot water."
"Hot water? For tea?"
"Why, yes."
"Well, look, could I get the tea and a glass of ice to go with it?"
"Yes, I can fix that," said the waitress.
"And don't forget the sugar," said Clem.
"Sugar," repeated the waitress.
"Yes. Sugar."
By this time, most of the other customers had left, and when the waitress rejoined her co-workers near the register, Clem got an uncomfortable feeling that he suddenly had become the center of attention.
His discomfort grew when he noticed that the first waitress was pointing him out to the second waitress and the cashier, looking his way and speaking in low tones.
The trio huddled at the kitchen counter and kept casting glances at him while waiting for the order.
When they all began to approach Clem, he made a determined effort to muster what little charm he had.
The second waitress and the cashier paused at a nearby booth and table, making motions as if clearing wayward crumbs.
The first waitress came on to Clem's table.
Leaning over and looking intently into his face, she said:
"Mister, can I hear you say sugar one more time?"
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