OVERLOOKED IN NEW YORK

© 2001 James D. Pearce

Elmo once worked for a fellow who owned a very large auto dealership in a very small town.

Elmo's boss was a very big frog in a very little pond, indeed.

One day he asked Elmo to chauffeur him to New York, to the World's Fair ~ 1939 or '40. He wanted to see the Trylon and Perisphere.

His boss wanted Elmo to do the driving because he wanted to do a lot of drinking on the trip ~ and he didn't want to get caught driving drunk in New York.

It was the first trip ever to the Big Apple for Elmo and his big-shot boss both.

Elmo said his boss was unhappy the whole time they were in New York.

He said nobody in the whole place even seemed to notice that his boss was a big-shot automobile dealer.

Nobody bowed, and nobody scraped. Nobody held umbrellas or opened doors, or gave up taxicabs for his benefit.

~~~~~

Elmo came home kind of awed, his head full of the sights of the Big Apple.

The boss came home in a huff.

The boss said he'd never go to that dang unfriendly place again. New York would just have to get along without him in the future.

~~~~~

But Elmo said he had kind of liked New York City.

He said that coming from a small town, he always had wanted to live for a while someplace where a man could hang himself naked from a corner lamppost, and nobody would even notice for three days.

~~~

QUIET SUNDAY ON THE SOFA
© 2002 James D. Pearce

"Hattie Ray," said Royal T., "you shouldn't of slapped me 'side the head with that skillet."

"Aw, shut up," said Hattie Ray.

"You deserve what you got.

"Sittin' 'round the house all Sunday afternoon.

"Doing nothin' ~ eating pretzels ~ watching a football game. Other people out doing things ~ and you ~ you ~''

"Well, a man's got to relax a little," said Royal T.

"That's what being a man is all about. You got to relax a little.

"Got to take a little break now and then.

"Besides, I got to go over to Menola tomorrow. Got to make a couple of speeches. And there are going to be TV cameras there ~ and every one of them is going to be pointing right at me.

"And now, look at my face and lip. How'm I going to explain all this?

"What'm I going to tell 'em?"

"Well," said Hattie Ray, "Tell 'em you choked on a pretzel ~

"And fell off the sofa ~

"And the dogs looked at you funny."