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My story: Living with a compulsive gambler
(Written by a victim in the form of sarcastic "advice" to prospective compulsive gamblers. These are (unfortunately) all true events in my life with a compulsive gambler.)
The 12 step plan
1. When you meet a new potential mark, tell him that your previous mark was "a MAJOR compulsive gambler and a big-time habitual liar". DON'T tell him that you are also a compulsive gambler. Tell him that you "believe in total honesty" and that "gambling is FUN"! Just dont tell him that its more fun to gamble with other people's money.
2.very important!Evaluate the mark: Think of a very good reason(The one used on me was "I'm afraid I might have ovarian cancer.") (Excellent because 1. Everyone's afraid of cancer, and 2. I, the mark, was a guy and was likely to know virtually nothing about ovarian cancer.) to need a lot of money, then innocently look on while the mark uses his ATM card to get his PIN number, steal the card, grab money, and beg the mark not to call in the police. Say "I am truly ashamed and sorry for using you this way, but I saw no other way. I hope you can find it in your heart not to prosecute me, although I couldn't blame you one bit if you do". (If you get lucky and the mark doesn't turn you in, you have a Big Win! You know you can get the loot without seeing the inside of a jail.)
3. Gambling Grab #1: Tell the mark you need twice as much money as you really need for something recurring, like groceries, and get a bank account in the mark's name. Get an ATM card with your name on it to use at the casinos. Intercept and destroy the bank statements and overdraft notices so the mark won't see the money being diverted. If the mark likes to eat out, do this often: it will cut down the amount of money that you have to spend on groceries.
4. Keep monitering the mark's mail. Eventually the mark will receive a new credit card with a PIN number that you can charge a "cash advance" to!
5. Tell the mark that you need a cellphone to "keep in touch with"
the temporary employment agencies you are registered with. Since your credit
rating is (surprise!) pretty low, get the phone in the mark's name. Dont worry
about the bill: the collection people can chase after the mark. Get a new
cellphone number often, making it harder for bill collecters to contact you!!
Since you do need a "land line" for Internet access, get that number
put on the mark's phone bill.
5a. Repeat the basic premise of 5. to get cable TV and cable Internet. When the
mark asks you to take responsibility for the bills he owes for 5. and 5a, dont
refuse outright: leave the mark with a faint hope.
6. Variation: while doing #3, get the mark's other ATM card and grab some money whenever the urge strikes. Important: When caught doing this, say that you know you are sick and will start going to Gambler's Anonymous meetings(GA meetings in Southern Nevada). After a couple of meetings, dream up a good excuse to stop going.
7. When you gamble away all the grocery money and the bank closes the habitually overdrawn account, ask the mark for a copy of a major credit card with your name on it to buy...........groceries! Work it so that you can pay down the credit card balance with the mark's funds.
7a. Since you are paying on the credit card bill, you might as well handle the rest of the mark's bills, too. Put your email address/phone number in the bank's computer so that you will be the person they contact about "unusual withdrawls". Don't pay all of the mark's bills; leave money in the account for the essentials: your gambling is certainly the most essential use of the mark's money.
8. When swiping the credit card, enter an extra amount so you will get
change (cash). Most Las Vegas area grocery stores thoughtfully supply gambling
machines for your use!! But for real (casino) fun, use the credit card to get
thousands in "cash advances". This is a great scam! You are borrowing
money from the bank that stands behind the card, and promising the bank that
the mark will pay them back! If the mark refuses to pay, its HIS credit that
takes the hit!!!
(Write the mark's credit card number down, then when he takes the card away,
you can still charge stuff online or over the phone.)
(UPDATE: now you will have to remember to also write down the three digit code
on the back of the card, to prove that you still have it after the mark takes
it away.)
(Write the mark's bank account number(s) down, too, so they will be handy
whenever you need to use them.)
8a. Continue to moniter the mark's mail. Intercept letters from the credit card
company warning the mark about "recent purchases charged to
your....account". Also intercept letters from anyone the mark thinks you
have paid on his behalf, like mortgage payments and homeowner's association
dues.
9. When the mark finally figures out that you are diverting the grocery money to the casinos again, repeat step #4; even take the mark to the first meeting to show your good intentions. Think carefully about your next reason to stop going to GA meetings: it will have to be even more convincing than the first reason.
10. Another nifty con is to get a very small job and get the mark to allow you to deposit your profits to his bank account. Now you always have a legitimate reason to access his account; grab it all!
11. If the mark does something really dumb and needs hospitalization, be gallant and offer to watch over the mark's ATM cards. While the mark is hospitalized, you can be cruising casinos and having FUN! If the mark has hurt himself badly enough, get him to sign a Power of Attorney so you can get into his safe deposit box. What FUN!
12. Eventually, of course, you will have gambled so much of the mark's money
that he cant supply you anymore, so get a real job(!) Now that you have good
cash income, the mark is superfluous and you can dump him! Justify this by
saying that you don't want to drag him down with you(!!!)(Grab another grand on
the way out for old times sake!)Do not say anything like "I hope I
never see you again". Eventually you will realize that you cannot finance
both your life and your gambling, and you will want the mark to take you back.
Now that you have a paycheck, go to those responsible lenders and get a
"payday
loan". Have all the fun of flushing your paycheck down the toilet
before you even get it!
Remember and memorize this: "Gambling is fun. Losing money is fun. Selling things to a pawnbroker is fun. Not paying the bills is fun. Having utilities shutoff for nonpayment is fun. (Note: keep lots of candles and flashlights with fresh batteries on hand!) Filing bankruptcy is fun. Not being able to afford medical care is fun. Scamming other people is fun. Getting someone else to cover your gambling losses is BIG FUN. Marrying someone in a community property state, so that half of your spouse's property is legally yours to gamble with is GREAT BIG FUN!" Keep repeating this to yourself until you actually believe it.
Note: If the mark ever gets really upset about his treatment, tell him he "made it possible"(by not turning you into the police after the grab in step 2.) If he responds with "Then, its all my fault?", deny it. Of course, this is just a variation of "Blame the Victim", like telling a rape victim she "asked for it" because of the way she dressed.
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*Compulsive gambler's-eye view of money.
I really shouldn't be joking about this. Compulsive gambling ("Pathological gambling" to mental health professionals in extreme cases) is a serious but treatable mental illness. Here are the "DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA FOR PATHOLOGICAL GAMBLING".
Pathological gambling is considered to be an Impulse Control Disorder.
CONSCIOUS CONTACT: BRAIN, MIND AND ADDICTION: explains the neurobiology of addiction; showing that pathological gamblers are not "bad people", but people with a brain disease.
Compulsive gamblers live in a whole different reality than the rest of us. Their reality is one of self-deception, wishful thinking, and denial. I like the way Michael Crawford puts it in "EFX": "It's a magic world, where rules do not apply". Precisely. Compulsive gamblers love to tell themselves that they will soon get a "big win", after which they will repay everyone they have borrowed or stolen from. Unfortunately, the odds of actually getting a "big win" are microscopic.
Her philosophy of gambling: Gather all the money you can by any means, take it to a casino, find the ladies' bathroom, put all the money in the toilet, hit the Play button (the flush lever), and maybe money will fall from the sky!
Orig Pub early 2005 on CompuServe's Our World, moved to pages.prodigy.net 4-22-09, rev 10-20-09