Virtual Gourmet

EDITOR'S NOTE: Readers may now access an Archive of all past newsletters--each annotated--dating back to July, 2003, by simply clicking on ARCHIVE .

Cover Story: A GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO DINING ETIQUETTE by John Mariani

New York Corner: The Neptune Restaurant & Bait Bar by John Mariani

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A GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO DINING ETIQUETTE
by John Mariani

1. A gentleman is never unintentionally rude.

2. . . . always makes a reservation.

3.. . . always dresses appropriately.

4. . . . never bribes a maitre d’.

5. . . . . never has more than one cocktail before dinner.

6. . . . never takes more than one minute to decide on his meal.

7. . . . never talks about golf with women present.

8. . . . does not remove his shoes under the table or play footsie.

9. . . . does not tablehop.

10. . . . does not frequent any restaurant so loud that he cannot hold a conversation with the person across from him.

11. . . .never drinks beer from a bottle.

12. . . . .does not use sugar substitutes.

13. . . . always gets up from his chair when a woman gets up from hers or approaches the table.

14. . . . . does not drink water with a lime or lemon slice in it.

15. . . . . never carries a cell phone into a restaurant.

16. . . . . never discusses the price of a meal or wine.

17. . . . . never overtips.

18. . . . . never sullies caviar with condiments.

19. . . . . always debones his own fish.

20. . . . . always asks a woman her preference in restaurants.

21. . . . . always orders after his guests do.

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22. . . . . always tastes his food before adding salt and pepper.

23. . . . . never orders salad as a main course.

24. . . . . does not discuss medical conditions at the table.

25 . . . . never applauds when the chef comes out.

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26. . . . . takes his mother out to dinner at least six times a year.

27. . . . . lets his father take him out to dinner four times a year.

28. . . . . does not sniff the cork but merely glances at it to see the vintage is the same as on the bottle label.

29. . . . . never says more than three words about the quality of a wine served.

30. . . . . should always quietly dispute an error on a check with the manager.

31. . . . . should never dance at a Greek restaurant

. . . or sing karaoke in a Japanese restaurant.

32. . . . . never tucks his napkin into his shirt.

33. . . . . should send back a wine only if it has gone bad or been corked.

34. . . . . should never pay more for a meal than the average annual income of a person in Haiti.

35. . . . . may ask for a doggie bag only in a steakhouse.

36. . . . . should never ask a busboy for anything.

37. . . . . never shakes a breadstick in the air to make a point.

38. . . . . never draws on the tablecloth.

39. . . . . should never admire another man’s shoes.

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40. . . . . should sense far in advance when another person is drinking too much.

41. . . . . should never put his hand over a wine glass to indicate “no more.”

42. . . . . never snaps his fingers to get a waiter’s attention.

43. . . . . knows the difference between a sauce spoon and a soup spoon, as well as the functions of all silverware on a table.

44. . . . . never smokes at the table.

45. . . . . goes to the rest room before sitting down to dinner.

46. . . . . never asks a chef to alter his cooking.

47. . . . . always has coffee after dessert.

48. . . . . may flirt with the coat check girl but must never ask her out on a date.

49. . . . . is primarily interested in his guests’ and colleagues’ enjoyment at the table.

50. . . . . never criticizes a woman who does not know how to act at a dinner table.

THE NEPTUNE ROOM RESTAURANT & BAIT BAR
511 Amsterdam Avenue
212-496-4100
www.theneptuneroom.com

    The Upper West Side can always use more good restaurants, so The Neptune Room Restaurant & Bait Bar is a bright, colorful addition that deserves a long life, if only for its happy atmosphere, which is neither sloppily casual nor in any way pretentious. This is an old-fashioned seafood house with a very modern, global menu, with a decor that straddles those same virtues of tradition balanced with a touch of novelty. Partners Jeffrey Lefcourt and Chef Glenn Harris, who also run the amiable, no frills restaurant Jane in the West Village, have devoted more to design here, with a tiled facade that will remind you of fish markets in London, a delightful arched wooden ceiling, and a "bait bar" topped with ice, citrus fruit, and whole fish. There is also a 10-seat communal table--a concept fast becoming a fixture of 21st century dining out. To the rear is another dining room (below) with a somewhat more casual, cozy ambiance. But to grab a booth in the front room and to survey the comings and goings of Amsterdam Avenue as you work your way through a platter of shellfish and a bottle of Chablis is sheer joy.
   Tables are in fact deliberately large enough to be set with platters of shrimp, clams, and oysters (ranging from $60-$110 for the entire table), and with starters going from just $7-$12, and main courses $18-$23, this place is a bargain. Good seafood costs plenty, but I found no stinting on quality of product here despite the very reasonable prices.
   One section of the Bait Bar menu offers, at $6 a plate, mussels with tomato, capers, garlic, raisins, and pinenuts; spicy calamari with celery and pickled red onion; char-grilled octopus with tomato, green olives and parsley; poached shrimp with orange, rosemary, and cucumber; cured white anchovies with potatoes, olives and oregano; shaved scallops with chili, coriander, cumin and lime, and other wonderful light delicacies. Yellowtail with honey, grapefruit and black pepper was inventive and delicious. Larger appetizers include a chilled lobster salad with lola rosa, wax beans and a lovely charred tomato vinaigrette; seared tuna belly--which was nice and fatted--with an interesting balsamic syrup and mâche; and blue crab panna cotta with avocado, smoked paprika and toasted almonds. Such items go considerably beyond the usual offerings at similar seafood houses without crossing into the terra incognita of mere experimentation.
   So, too, with main courses, all of which have a savory or sweet side that brings them novel interest. Thus, roasted Atlantic branzino comes with calamari, carrots, baby spinach and a tangy mustard sauce--all in small amounts so as not to distract from the fresh flavor of the fish itself. Monkfish "osso buco" makes for a very nice centerpiece for risotto dotted with Prosciutto and peas, while blue snapper takes on nuances from a conserve of tomatoes, yellow beans, asparagus, oyster mushrooms, and a porcini sauce.
     Cast your glance down the bottom of the menu and you’ll find a few items you won’t want to pass up, like fried rice balls with porcini and Parmesan, and gnocchi with truffled cream and black pepper--very simple, very very good.
    More often than not in seafood houses, desserts are mere afterthoughts, often ordered from elsewhere and rarely anything to shout about. But at Neptune consulting pastry chef, Wayne Harley Brachman, glorifies American sweets like strawberry shortcake, and a sweet espresso soda with a plop of vanilla gelato and a wash of chocolate sauce, all in a parfait dish, complete with straw.

Wine director Meredith Cleland stocks a good list of 75 or so very reasonable bottles (compiled with the help of Josh Wesson's Best Cellars) that go extremely well with Harris' food.
It would be easy enough to praise Neptune merely as a great neighborhood seafood house, but in a city whose many seafood restaurants are often cut from the same net, Neptune is really a beacon anyone with good taste should sail towards for innovative, gently priced food.

From James de Coquet's A Letter to Gourmets, Gourmands, Gastronomes and Gluttons about their Behaviour at Table and in Private .

"Food prepared by hand gives better results than a machine. Unfortunately, it demands a lot of time, and time has become the most important foodstuff. This is why it has been banished from many restaurants. I don't know anyone today, except Raymond Thullier, master of the Ousteau au Beaumaniére, who still plays with his whip in the depth of his kitchen."-

OK, BUT JUST THINK WHAT THE PLACE SAVES IN BREAD AND MASHED POTATOES

When Sui Amaama and his wife Isabella Leota asked for a 12th slice of roast beef on the $8.99 buffet menu at Chuck-a-Rama in Taylorsville, Utah, the manager asked them to leave. Mr. Amaama contended he was on the Atkins Diet and refused, so police were called to remove him.

DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS
The name of the chef at the Los Angeles restaurant Cinch, reviewed in last week's issue, is Chris Behre.

* From Aug, 3-17, Atlanta's Dining Room at the Ritz-Carlton in Buckhead, GA, presemts a "Pinot Noir Festival" in August. Chef Bruno Ménard creates a Burgundy-style menu paired with Master Sommelier Michael McNeill's personal selection of pinot noirs chosen at the festival in Oregon. In a turnabout, Bruno will create the menu paired to Michael's selection of wines instead of their usual pairing the wines to the menu. Call 404-237-2700.

*From Aug. 16-22 diners in Houston may sample an array of fixed-price meals at some of the city’s best restaurants, for only $20 and $30 pp., and at the same time raise money for the hungry during Houston Restaurant Week, The participating restaurants include 17, Arcodoro, Argentina Grill Steak House, Artista, Asiana Indian Restaurant, Backstreet Cafe, Barcino Seafood & Tapas, The Brownstone, Burning Pear , Carmelo’s Restaurant, Carol’s at Cat Springs, Daily Review Cafe, Denis’ Seafood House, Hugo’s, Mantra, McCormick’s & Schmick’s, Mia Bella Trattoria on Lexington, Mockingbird Bistro Wine Bar, Noche Cocina y Bar, O’Rourke’s Steakhouse, Rainbow Lodge, Ruggles Grille 5115, Saffron, Simposio Ristorante Italiano, State Grille, Trevisio, Vittorio’s Cucina Italiana, Zin and Zula. For details and current listing of participating restaurants, visit www.houstonrestaurantweek.com

* On Aug. 19 & 20, the Southern Comfort Cocktail Tour will take place in New Orleans, with dinner pairings, book signings, a VIP tour, cooking demos, a cocktail clinic, and more, to be held at the Hotel Monteleone. For info visit www.southerncomfortcocktailtour.com.
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EDITOR'S NOTE: This newsletter is also available on the very comprehensive food site www.sautewednesday.com
which has dozens of other links to food articles from around the world, and at www.gayot.com. New York Corner reviews are also available at www.gayot.com and www.nycvisit.com/johnmariani

MARIANI'S VIRTUAL GOURMET NEWSLETTER is published weekly. Editor/Publisher: John Mariani. Contributing Writers: Robert Mariani, Naomi Kooker, Kirsten Skogerson, Edward Brivio, Mort Hochstein, Lucy Gordan. Contributing Photographers: Galina Stepanoff-Dargery, Bobby Pirillo. Technical Advisor: Gerry McLoughlin.

John Mariani is a columnist for Esquire, Wine Spectator, Diversion and the Harper Collection. He is author of The Encyclopedia of American Food & Drink (Lebhar-Friedman), The Dictionary of Italian Food and Drink (Broadway), and, with his wife Galina, the award-winning new Italian-American Cookbook (Harvard Common Press). To purchase from amazon.com, click on the image below.