Laughing Gas: Humorous Ramblings
Entire Contents © by John Schlabach |
OK, I've got to get this off my chest... Now I know that everyone adores dolphins. "Oh, they're highly intelligent and they can communicate and blah, blah, blah..." Yea, yea, we've heard it all before. Well, I, for one, would like to go on record right now as saying that I absolutely despise dolphins! Yea, that's right. You heard me. Don't believe anything you've ever heard about dolphins before. Take it from me, I know the truth. Dolphins are pure evil... Ever since I was savagely attacked, for no reason at all, by a gang of six angry, rogue dolphins while vacationing in the Bahamas, I've known the actual, ugly truth about dolphins. With their pierced blowholes and tattooed dorsal fins, it was quite apparent that dolphins may not be as friendly as we thought all along. All I know is that I was slapped silly on that dreadful day. I sustained multiple fin lacerations! Hey, those rubbery flippers can really sting! I will never forget them taunting me with their high-pitched squeaks of laughter. I barely escaped alive! Several of them even followed me out of the water and tried to break into my car. (Hey, I'm not denying that they're not highly intelligent. I'm just saying they're Satan.) ...If dolphins are supposed to be so smart, then why don't they just get a real job like everyone else?... To this day, I will ONLY eat canned tuna that is NOT 'dolphin safe'. As a matter of fact, if there is EVER a McDolphin Sandwich, you can bet I'll be the first in line at McDonalds!...
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