The story behind the title of my zine goes a little something like this:
Once upon a time I was taking a class called "Persuasion and Attitude Change," (a pretty nifty name for a Communications class, no?) and my professor was talking about how former President George Bush, Sr. had given a press conference about drugs. The former President had held up a baggie full of crack for the camera and stated, "This was purchased in the shadow of the White House." People were shocked and appalled. DRUGS IN THE SHADOW OF THE WHITE HOUSE!!

They were even more shocked when they later learned that the President had been holding up a baggie full of laundry detergent, not crack. Was this wrong? Was this misleading? You probably could buy crack in the shadow of the White House... should Secret Service agents have actually taken the time to score some to prove to the American public just what a huge drug problem there was? Anyway, my professor lost his train of thought somewhere in telling this anecdote, and when he asked me, "Laura, what was I just talking about?", I politely responded, "A baggie full o' crack, sir!" The class had a good laugh, and we moved on to something less drug-related.

The title is really a comment on the fact that we want appearances to fall in line with reality. We want the President to be holding actual crack rocks in that baggie when he claims they are crack rocks. We want them to be what he tells us they are - not detergent flakes. He says it's crack because he is pretty certain that he could score some crack in the shadow of the White House if he tried. He is already convinced that this is reality. And he convinces us, too. But it's a sham, a lie, and when we find out we are confused and upset. Why? Because a fundamental truth is exposed as a fraud. It brings up a lot of interesting questions. Should we trust the President? Should we trust the government? Should we believe everything we are told? Should you believe what I'm telling you right now, or what my professor allegedly told his class? Pretty deep, eh?

Are you a junkie? Do you support the use of drugs? Are you one of those hippies who wants to legalize pot?

I'm not a junkie. I don't support the use of drugs. On the other hand, I don't support jailing people who obviously need a lot more help than punishment. I personally have never used illegal drugs, but I think that's a choice that everybody needs to make for him or herself. I'm not here to moralize, but since you asked, I think drugs are bad, mmmkay? And I'm definitely not one of those hippies who want to legalize pot. If you want to smoke weed that badly then move to the Netherlands. It's probably a lot cooler than whatever backassward hick town you live in now. Plus you'll have to learn Dutch, which will make you cultured and literate. See? I've got answers for everything.

This is inappropriate!

What is? Naming a zine "A Baggie Full O' Crack"?

Yes!

Nah. I'm not leading the youth astray. Besides, you can always a) stop reading and move to a different website, b) block my website with your parental controls, or c) send me hate mail. Sometimes hate mail is really amusing.

Fine! I'm sending you hatemail! What's your email address again?

Baggiemail@yahoo.com. Knock yourself out.

Are those really crack rocks?

I dunno. I've never seen crack rocks. They look like sugar cubes to me, but I stole the pic from a website on the chemical properties of cocaine, so I'm just kind of going on faith that they're real crack rocks. Of course, I could just be saying that for my own purposes, much like former President George Bush, Sr...

Will you publish this story/poem/rant that I wrote?

Sure, send it on over. If I dig it, I'll slap it up there for all four of my readers to see. If it's painfully bad, I might still publish it just to get a reaction. You never know; I'm whimsical that way.

Will I get paid if I send you something?

Yes, you will be paid in kindness! And good karma! Actually, I'll make a deal with you: If you're the first person to send me something that gets printed in the Baggie, I'll send you your choice of a) a free Baggie Full O' Crack item (see store for options), or b) a book from my collection of random and weird stuff. I have no idea which item you might value more highly, so I figured I'd let you have the choice. I mean, maybe we already own all the same books. Wouldn't that be creepy?

Yeah. Very. What kind of books are we talking about here?

Philosophical, sci-fi, Palahniukian, Stephensonian, just plain weird... email me if you want a complete list.

Is all your stuff fiction, or is it based in any way on reality?

That's for me to know and you to guess at, distort, and completely misunderstand! That said, I'm going to share something with you that might help you out. Ready? I really like the band Tool, especially their album Ænema. There's something to be said for mystery and the deliberate falsification of data.

So... you... uh... help?

Nope, that's all the hints you get. This FAQ is officially closed. No further questions.