"Ain't no sense in worrying about things you got no control over, 'cause if you got no control over them, ain't no sense in worrying. And there ain't no sense in worrying about things you got control over, 'cause if you got control over them, ain't no sense in worrying." Mickey Rivers

"There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it." Monya Crane

"Look at the bright side: no matter how old you are, you're younger than you'll ever be again." Current Comedy

"Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented." George Braques

"It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I'm right." Moliere

"The pioneers cleared the forests from Jamestown to Mississippi with fewer tool than are stored in the modern garage." Dwayne Laws

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." Laurence Peter

"Multimedia: a product of the untalented, marketed by the unknowing to the unbelievably confused." Frank Romano

"We really DO need artifical intelligence. There is not enough of the real thing." Frank Romano

"Jesus only told us have of it. The truth will set you free. But first it's going to piss you off." Solomon Short

"It's not who wins or loses that counts - it's who's keeping score." Solomon Short

"The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging." Molly Ivins

"You can believe anything you want. The universe is not obligated to keep a straight face." Solomon Short

"Always be sincere. Even if you have to fake it." Solomon Short

"Reality is what bumps into you when you stand still with your eyes open." Solomon Short

"If it were easy it would have been done already." Solomon Short

"Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order." Solomon Short

"If God is really watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining." Solomon Short

"How did the fool and his money get together in the first place?" Solomon Short

"The existence of life on earth proves that Murphy's law is universal. If anything can go wrong it will." Solomon Short

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die." Solomon Short

"If a fanatic is willing to give his life for a cause, he's probably just as willing to give yours as well." Solomon Short

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." Solomon Short