WORK

Crime doesn't pay. . . does that mean my job is a crime?

Due to an outbreak of aids, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss' ass.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

We believe that everyone should work. Especially those who have jobs.

The Vowel System of Paper Management: Avoid, Evade, Ignore, Outdated, Useless. Ross Goldberg

"When will my raise be effective?" At the same time you are.

Ignorance is never an excuse. Here it's a pre-existing condition.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.

If at first you don't succeed - try management.

It's only unethical if you get caught.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you're not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

Succeed in spite of management.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.