Welcome to the Church Of Gonz!
 
Knowing full well that the competition for "God Bucks" is fierce, he came up with a package of services sure to fit a wide range of needs with REDEMTION and glory in the after-life as fundamental guarantees.

PRAISE GONZ! Finally there is a church where people can be absolved of their sins in a relatively painless manner and in a variety of formats and disciplines that suit their particular levels of wickedness and volume of improprieties and transgressions. There are 4 basic worship plans starting with the Negligibly Naughty Plan at $200 a month for basically decent people, which includes 4 services a month, Monday night bingo, and a monthly "social" and partner-swap meet. The top of the line package is geared around the serious criminally-minded folks and nefarious sinners that require extra in the way of absolution and bail bond services along with in-house detox, methedone clinic and legal representation and consultation. Contact one of The High Five for details at 1-800-LUV-GONZ.
You know, no-body knows for sure what will happen after you die, but don't you think it's worth buying a little insurance against an eternity of damnation and hell? Gonz has plans that can fit into any budget, with MONEY BACK GUARANTEES!
PSALM 149
Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.
3. Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praise unto him with the timbrel and harp.

Church of the Subgenius
Bill The Cat, archives
Amazons

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Gonz's connections with the hereafter insure quality accomidations and/or protection services.
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Some of the most hard-core sinners have found respite and peace of mind in The Church of Gonz. "THPPT! BWACH! OOP ACK!!", says Bill the Cat, notorious womanizer and general ne'er-do-well.
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Elijah Gehring Gonz, founder of The Church of Gonz in 1947, Buenos Aires, Argentina. He abandoned Wilhelm when he was 5, but the boy had religion in his blood and was destined to "The Life".
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Dearest Gonz: The spiritual rewards more than outweigh the devestation of my bank accounts. Bill the Cat and I have our respective noses to the grindstone(painfully I might add)in the ethereal hope of making more money for the CHURCH OF GONZ!! May your deity reign an eternity. Bad Dog
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Four of "THE HIGH FIVE" grappling with some delicate financial decisions. Services for "Number Five" will be held next Thursday, please attend. $10.00 at the door and all the beer you can drink.
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I AM SO TOUCHED BY THE GONZ. As soon as my eyes clear enough to see normal again (heavy binge), I will send all my E-toys stock to the church and any drink tokens that I may have staggered home with. Live On brethrens
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Before I joined the Church Of Gonz, I was broke, homeless and driving an old Toyota pickup truck. After I joined the Church Of Gonz, I got a job, a home and a BMW. Miracles really happen at the Church Of Gonz. I am living proof that the Church Of Gonz will improve the quality of your life. Praise be to Gonz. Julia Fairchild, Testimonialist
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"Before I gave my all to Gonz I cudn't dance..or even sing much. Now I got my doggies BARKIN!" Willie is now the host and dance instructer at the Thursday Night "Let Out The Doggies" free-for-all and beer-fest ($7.99 at the door; gnosh-pit extra for couples, mosh-pit free for head-bangers, marsh and gravel pit is closed pending police investigation and dredging).
GONZ BLESS HIM! "Pay or Die" Pat has shown up from nowhere and assumed the role of tithing administrator for The Church. We hope to see a renewed vigor in paying tithes, and a decline in "dead-beat" donors. If you hear a knock at your door, pray to GONZ it's not Pat.
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