RATING: Um…couple swear words…so…PG14???

SPOILERS: Rumored ones about Buffy getting angry at or telling Angel to stay out of her life because of some harm that befalls Riley.

DISCLAIMER: These characters are owned by Joss Whedon, the WB, Fox, and others. No infringement is intended.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: Okay…. you and I both know that neither Buffy nor Angel – at least, the Buffy and Angel we’ve come to know and love together – wouldn’t act this way. I’m not saying I want things to turn out this way. But right now, with these spoilers, I’m a very bitter woman...a very angry woman. And scary things happen when I get this way. Essentially, I’m tired of Angel getting the shaft…because every time something happens between him and Buffy, he blames himself. Nearly kills himself over it with all the guilt. I thought it was about time he had the last word…that he got satisfaction. This definitely isn’t the kind of satisfaction us B/Aers want to see…but at least Buffy would finally pay for treating Angel so badly and/or immaturely – should said spoilers prove to be true. Some bitterness and pain is one thing…utter disrespect on the part of Buffy towards Angel, is another altogether. In other words...this is my way of dealing with lousy spoilers….and getting rid of some angry energy. Also, Buffy's character has been a bit on the annoying side this season...not quite herself. :( Apologies in advance for the cruelty of this fic…I still very much believe in the eternal love between Buffy and Angel…will never doubt that! Unless Joss destroys my sanity first.

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A loud crash, followed by an equally loud curse alerted Angel to an incoming vision. So he was unsurprised to see Cordelia stalk to his doorway a couple seconds later. But he was shocked by the frightened look on her face. Rushing over to clasp her shoulders gently, he led her to a seat.

"What is it?"

She just looked at him sadly before shaking her head. "Buffy." At the word, his eyes hardened, losing their compassion. Shrugging lightly, he moved back behind his desk and casually tossed her a bottle of aspirins before again picking up his book. "Aren’t you going to do anything?" The question was uttered softly, as if she feared his answer."

He just gave her an exasperated look before tossing his book onto the desk. "Do I have a reason to?"

‘Because you love her’ would have been her response. At least, a couple years ago it might have. But now, she settled for something that was more logical and realistic.

"Because she’s the slayer. Without her, the world…."

"Will do just fine." He merely raised an eyebrow at her stunned look and sighed deeply before continuing. "One slayer dies, next one is called. It’s bound to happen sometime, and she’s been luckier than most. I would think you’d be somewhat familiar with that whole concept by now."

Despite the years she’d been working with him, and the fact that she herself was no big fan of Buffy’s, she was still somewhat shocked by his answer. "Why?" She looked away as she asked the question, but when she looked back, there was answer enough in his eyes.

The doors to the hospital swooshed shut behind him, the gentle breeze causing his duster to blow out then settle back gently around him. He couldn’t help but compare this visit to the last time he’d been here. Then, he’d been willing to do anything to save Buffy. Now, he was coming to save his sanity.

The entire Scooby gang had been calling him non-stop for days. Repeatedly begging him to come back to Sunnydale, telling him of Buffy’s desire to see him. It was driving him and Cordelia nuts.

Despite the dire vision that had visited Cordy only days before, Buffy had survived the battle with the demons. She hadn’t escaped unscathed, as his visit here was testament to, but she’d managed to escape with her life. Quickly enquiring as to which room she was located in, he made his way upstairs.

The entire gang, and Giles, was assembled outside the door. The looks he received were not welcome ones, but they had long ago lost any power they held over him, so he merely shrugged and looked right back at them. "You called?"

The former watcher glared fiercely at him. "Several times, as I recall. I’ve no idea what took you so long to finally come. After everything she’s been through because of you. You could have stopped this, if you’d wanted to. It’s the least you owe her."

"I owe her nothing." It wasn’t just stated, it was growled out. And everyone around him took an involuntary step back. "I didn’t come all this way just to be confronted with hostile glares. So unless you have something else important to tell me…" They cleared a path to the door, and he went inside.

She was lying asleep in the bed, looking so tiny and weak. But he knew

differently, he knew far differently. He sighed impatiently. Sun up would

come within hours, and he had no desire to be stuck in Sunnydale any longer

then necessary. Taking note of the bruises on her face and neck, he

carefully shook her awake. She woke slowly, blinking rapidly to clear her

eyes. Eyes that lit up upon seeing him. "You came."

He raised an eyebrow at the happy tone that accompanied the words. "Yeah, I did. They kept calling all hours of the day. And even murderous, blood-sucking fiends like myself need their beauty rest."

Buffy winced at the reminder of her careless words from years past. Words that had been uttered out of suspicion, pain and fear. Words she had wanted to take back for years. "Why didn’t you come? I know you knew what was happening, why didn’t you come to help?"

He shook his head, chuckling lightly. "You really need to ask me that? Or have you forgotten our last conversation. As I recall, you rather vehemently insisted that I never come to see you again, no matter what the circumstances. After all, I thought I’d almost deliberately killed your lover of the moment. Riley, was it? Where is he now? Did he get tired of all your bullshit too?"

"How can you say this to me?" Tears were evident in her voice, but they had no affect on him.

"I say it because I feel it. You walked away from me two years ago. Walked away before I even had a chance to explain what had happened, to defend my actions. God, what kind of child are you, that you couldn’t even give me five minutes to prove myself to you?" He leveled a fierce glare her way. "And it made me sick that I even had to try. After all that time, after all we’d fought against and suffered. And you still doubted my love for you. You were so upset that your new fucktoy had been injured, an injury I tried my hardest to prevent, that you couldn’t even give me the time of day."

Pain pierced her soul as she finally realized what she’d done to him, to them. Shaking her head, she tried to deny the truth of his words, but he kept on as if she hadn’t even moved. "I loved you Buffy, more then you ever knew. And to think of what I gave up for you…now, I wish I hadn’t."

"What…what do you mean?" She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Annoyed at the sniffling, he impatiently handed her a tissue.

"My life, Buffy. I had a chance at a real life, but I threw it away so that you could keep yours." She gave him a confused glance. "Oh, that’s right. You’re lucky enough not to remember, aren’t you? Well, if you really want to know, call Cordelia sometime, I’m sure she’ll be very willing to fill you in on the details."

"You left me." Her crying had finally stopped, and she looked at him accusingly.

"Because I loved you." Afraid he was about to do her serious physical harm, Angel rose from his seat, running a hand through his hair impatiently. "I loved you enough to leave, to break my own heart in the process. You should have understood that. But you were too caught up in your own hurt feelings to realize that you weren’t the only one in pain." He turned back around, staring intently at her. "I would have done anything for you. Anything to keep you happy. Even if it meant saving the life of the man I envied more then anyone else on earth. But like the child that you are, you couldn’t see that. Too caught up in your desire to hurt me."

Astonished, Buffy laughed bitterly. "Oh, this is rich. After everything you put me through, you’re pissed because I hurt you? I went through hell on earth for you, Angel."

"And I went through hell because of you." The accusing note in his voice brought her back to a stage of her life she’d long forgotten about, a soul searing guilt she’d stopped feeling long ago. But that wasn’t the worst of it. The worst of it was that Angel finally looked satisfied, a smirk crossing his face.

"I had to do it….Acathla would have…"

"That’s not the hell I meant, Buffy. When you walked away from me that day, you made it perfectly clear that you felt nothing but disgust for me. I blamed myself for that for a long time, before Cordelia was able to set me straight. For as long as I could remember, I’d been your pet vampire. The one you thought you could abuse at will, but still run to the first time you needed help or support. And I let it happen. Spike was right, it was

disgusting."

"You weren’t my pet." The tears returned full force as she looked into his eyes, looking for some sort of conflict in them. There was nothing there but a bitter hatred. "I loved you so much…would have given anything to be with you."

"I used to believe that, Buffy. But not anymore." He walked towards the door, opening it slowly before turning back to look at her one last time.

"Don’t ever call me again, do you understand?"

All she could do was nod. And accept his judgment.

Xander was the only one still standing outside the door when he walked out. "Nice one, deadboy. You managed to do in five minutes what no other demon has ever done. You’ve killed her."

"She’ll live."

"Not inside, she won’t. All this time, when everything else abandoned or hurt her, she’s clung to the memory of what you had together. Now, even that’s gone. You’ve killed her spirit."

Angel just nodded solemnly. "No less than what she did to me two years ago." Turning, he headed down the hall towards the exit doors, stopping briefly to turn around and gaze back at the incredulous boy. "There’s a thin line between love and hate. She crossed it."

Finis

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