I wrote this in my College English course. The topic was
for us to write about something that no one else could understand...but you. I
chose Crohn's and it got me an A :)
Dealing with something that no one else can fully understand
can be overwhelming at times. It feels like no matter how hard you try to
explain every detail, no one else can fully understand it, only you can. You're
the only person who could possibly know what exactly it is you're feeling. It
would be impossible for anyone but yourself know what's going on in your head
and in your body.
In fourth grade, I began to get these killer cramps on the left side of my body.
The pain would be so crippling that I couldn't even walk upright or take deep
breaths. As first it was dismissed as something that would eventually pass but
then the pain became more frequent with greater intensity.
From fourth grade onto eleventh grade I had gone to several doctors and had been
'diagnosed' with every possible thing they could think of. Whether it was gas,
weak stomach, apparently they thought I had it all. No matter what medication
they all gave me, nothing worked. The pain would not go away. I had lived with
the pain for well over seven years, and it was interrupting my life, making me
miss a lot of days of school.
After another few misdiagnoses, I was later referred to yet another doctor, a
specialist who deals with the digestive system. He needed to run all sorts of
tests that included x-rays, blood work, and a colonoscopy. All I had to hear was
the word "colonoscopy" and I was stricken with fear. All I knew was
that it was something that older men went through do determine is they had colon
cancer. Of course seeing that I'm a natural pessimistic, I immediately began to
think of the worse. Did I have cancer? What if I had something serious that went
undetected for so long? I was only sixteen years old; why did I have to go
through this?
After the colonoscopy and sonograms, I was finally diagnosed. I found out that I
have what is called Crohn's disease. Crohn's is a chronic, serious inflammatory
disease of the gastrointestinal tract. Basically, there's no cure for it and no
one knows what's the cause of it. After reading into it, I have learned that
there's a chance of me having to be hospitalized later on in life and worse, the
chance of my passing it onto my children.
I am fortunate in the sense that I have been able to control it and I haven't
had the pain in quite some time. What bothers me is knowing that for the rest of
my life I will have to take numerous medications everyday to stop the pain from
returning.
Also knowing that I have a chance of passing this onto my children someday is
what saddens me the most. The best gift I think a woman has is a chance of
giving life, bringing someone into this world. No one understands why I feel so
strong about being almost afraid to have a child in fear of seeing him or her go
through what I've been through. I wouldn't wish the pain I had upon my worst
enemy, never mind my own flesh and blood. Everyone likes to dismiss it and
thinks I'm overreacting, my kids "probably won't even get it". How do
they know that? I'm sure my mother didn't think one of her children would have
an incurable disease.
Maybe I'm just asking too much of the people around me to try and understand
where I'm coming from because no matter how hard they try, they will never
truly understand it. They're not living my life. They're not the ones who have
to go on check-ups every six months, and they're not the ones who have to be on
medication for the rest of their lives. What it all comes down to is people
shouldn't try to tell other people what they should feel and think. Also, we
shouldn't expect to know how one another feels because we're each our own
person. The best thing is just to have an understanding of where the other
person is coming from and not to judge but to simply listen and be supportive.