Election Day, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ernie Fletcher
So it was Election Day a few days ago, and this has kind of put me in one of those politcal commentary moods. Such as it is with me. I never seem to spark the kinds of controversey that other people do. You'd think me spouting "Hey, Bush doesn't suck so bad!" every once in a while would irritate more people than it does. Or maybe they just walk on past me and click their tongues in pity, like I'm a homeless guy insisting that the CIA put worms in my brain. I know that's what I usually do.
Very few places in the U.S. did anything major for Election Day 2003. Of course, the California thing was last month, but that was a one-time gig. Judging from CNN, the only real contests going on were governor's races in Kentucky, Mississippi, and Louisiana, and the Louisiana one still has a ways to go. This big deal about these races were that they'd indicate how well Bush is gonna do in 2004. If Democrats won, he'd be vulnerable, if Republicans won, he'd be that much tougher to beat.
I can't speak for Mississippi, but I figured maybe you'd wanna know how it goes for Kentucky.
Currently, the governor of Kentucky is a Democrat, Paul Patton. Thanks to term-limits, he couldn't run this year, so it boiled down to a race between Representative Ernie Fletcher (R-KY), and Attorney General A.B. "Ben" Chandler. Politically, the two candidates were virtually indistinguishable, hell they even kind of look the same. The only real difference was that Chandler wanted to legalize gambling in Kentucky to boost revenues for schools, and Fletcher was opposed to the idea, but remained willing to hold a referendum to see how the rest of us felt about it. Based on that alone, I was leaning towards Fletcher. Indiana has legalized gambling (Foenix recently posted a link to Kentucky legislature considering a bill to build a submarine so we could sink their ugly-ass casino boat), and it's not like they've suddenly become a pinnacle of education excellence. When's the last time you thought of Nevada or New Jersey for it's top-notch schools.
  |
| I'm pretty sure that's Fletcher on the
left, if only because that's the official portrait on the Governor's
website. But it's not impossible that Chandler switched
places with him at some point and no one noticed. |
Perhaps recognizing this, they each sought to campaign against other people. The Dems' strategey turned to tying Fletcher with the President. Fletcher's in the U.S. House of Representatives, rubber stamping all of Bush's bad ideas that end up hurting Kentucky's economy, or so they said. Supposedly, voting for Chandler would send a message to Fletcher and Bush that their crap wasn't wanted in the federal government, and it wouldn't be considered here in Frankfort. Something like that.
On the other hand, Fletcher's campaign worked to bash the corruption in the current Democrat-heavy administration, of which Chandler was a part. This was like shooting fish in a barrel, really, since Gov. Patton is now famous for his scandalous affair with a Louisville nursing home employee, who now accuses him of siccing auditors on her crooked business now that they've broken it off. Patton's admitted to the affair, at least, in a teary-eyed speech which made it onto the nationally syndicated Howard Stern Radio Show. You could hear him whimper and sob and beg forgiveness from his family and home state. Well, mostly I was listening to the sound of everyone in the U.S. having a hearty chuckle at the expense of Kentucky. Our governor turned us into a joke. California might put up with that bullcrap, but I sure don't.
So the Republicans were sidestepping Chandler and attacking Patton. A vote for Fletcher would excise Kentucky's government of the corrupt power structure that had been in place for decades--Kentucky hasn't had a Republican governor since Louie Nunn left office in 1971. More importantly, it'd be one last chance for us to give Patton a kick in the ass for what he'd done.
Now this only made me that much more interested in voting Republican. I was pissed off with Patton just for introducing those smiley-face licesnse plates this year. I already wrote about this back in March, but the short version is that Patton scrapped the tourism budget and had new plates designed, so everyone in the state would have to kick in fifteen bucks. This was Patton's brilliant idea to boost the economy. Somehow, if everyone in Kentucky would drive around to other states, people would see the smiley face on our cars and decide to come vist and spend money. Free advertising. Well, Paul, I drove to Texas and Chicago this year, so I did my bit. Are we in the black yet? Oh, wait, I forgot, Bush and Fletcher are screwing up your genius ideas so they don't work. Riiiiight.
What's more, the GOP sent me a couple of nice postcards in the mail, to remind me that Patton sucks and that Election Day was coming up soon, and that a bunch of nifty Republicans were voting. The Democrats... sent me a much crappier postcard. Rather than endorse Chandler (or anyone else), it noted that Ernie Fletcher ran a negative ad about Chandler for something or other, and yet he had praised Chandler for the same action on some other occasion. So the postcard basically asked me to call Fletcher and demand he apologize... for... something. I'm still not sure what.
Finally, we come to Election Day, and I almost forgot about it, but the American Legion building is just up the street, so it barely took me ten minutes to get in and out (just like in bed, ladies... Rrrrrowwwr). So I voted a nearly straight ticket for the Republicans. There was an independent running for Auditor, and I try to support those guys whenever I can, but otherwise, it was all elephant, baby. I got home from work that night, about three hours after I'd voted, and there was a message on my machine. From Ben Chandler.
Well, it was a recording, but you get the idea. It was nothing short of a recap of his entire election campaign. Bush sucks, his policies hurt Kentucky's economy, and electing a Bush crony like Fletcher could only make things worse. Not terribly convincing, and more to the point, maybe Ben should have called me Monday, before I voted.
That night, I turned on Law & Order, and the results were in. Fletcher won with 55% of the vote, a decisive victory by all accounts. Of all the other state offices up for grabs only two of them were won by Democrats (including that one where the independent was running, so I'd say he probably split the vote there). Apparently, the GOP had a big party that night, and I was pleased because I didn't have to listen to "Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow" again. All in all, I was pleased with how things turned out.
Now, before Michael Moore and Al Franken write a book explaining how I was decieved by big corporations and Fox News, and before R.E.M. goes on Jay Leno and bitches about how Bush's thugs coerced me into voting the way I did, let me explain exactly why Fletcher won.
1) "Bush Sucks" is not a campaign platform. Even granting that's true, what good does it do me? If I had voted for Chandler, Bush would still be President, so nothing would be different. Effectively, Chandler was adopting a strategey used by Democrats nationwide: Bash the President, win over everyone who hates the President. That might work for John Kerry, but when you're running for governor of a state, it can work against you, too. Gray Davis tried the same thing this year, and look how well it worked for him.And there you have it. So why am I going into all of this? Is it to bash the Democrats? No, I'm a moderate, a registered independent. I voted for Dole in '96 and Gore in '00, and the jury's still out on '04. I'm bringing this up to make a point. The Democrats are losing states hand over fist. They're not supposed to lose governorships in the South, and they're not supposed to lose recall elections in California, and yet they do anyway. The 2004 election is less than a year away, and at the head of the pack you've got Howard Dean alienating rednecks and African Americans alike by claiming he wants the "guys with Confederate flags on their trucks" to vote for him. You'd think Bush would be pretty easy to beat right now. He's got the war thing going on, there's at least two calendars dedicated to dumb stuff he's said, and everyone I know hates his guts with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. But Dean wants the guys with the Confederate flags on their trucks. You know what, Howard? You can have 'em. We're kind of trying to get through the 21st Century, but yeah, go ahead. The 19th is close enough in hand grenades and horseshoes. And you wonder why black people and the "Solid South" feel like the Democratic Party is taking them for granted.
I mean, look at the logic here. By blaming Kentucky's problems on the federal government, Chandler's essentially saying "Look, there's nothing I can do about it, because it's the President and Congress that are hurting the state." So why should we vote for him, then? The governor can't influence federal politics. More to the point, Chandler's case against Fletcher was that he was hurting Kentucky as a U.S. Representative. Well, duh, if I make Fletcher governor, then PRESTO, he's not a representative anymore.
Hell, the only other thing Chandler ever talked about in his campaign ads was how he spearheaded the state-wide Do-Not-Call list as Attorney General. Well, that list has been rendered irrelevant thanks to the FEDERAL Do-Not-Call list, which was signed into law by that one dude... what was his name? ... Oh, right, PRESIDENT BUSH. Seems great minds think alike, Chandler.
2) We hate Paul Patton. I think I already went over this, but it bears repeating. Both parties were trying to turn the race into Paul Patton vs. George W. Bush, which was really kind of silly, seeing as neither guy is eligible for governor. The Republicans were trying to tie Chandler to a weepy adulterer, which was pretty easy to do seeing as they were in the same administration together. Meanwhile the Democrats were trying to turn this into a referendum for the entire country. Well, I sure hope they like their answer. Now I know a lot of people who would gladly pick a box of Tic-Tacs over the current President, and that's great. The problem is none of those people I know live in Kentucky. Nute doesn't live in Kentucky, Seraph doesn't live in Kentucky, Shai doesn't live in Kentucky, Frito doesn't live in Kentucky, Trollprincess doesn't live in Kentucky (that I'm aware of), Batman doesn't live in Kentucky, Brandawg doesn't live in Kentucky, Santa Claus doesn't live in Kentucky, Kielle doesn't live in Kentucky...but MIKE EFFING SMITH... WHOOOO!... LIVES IN BY GOD... KENTUCKY. And he'll take Bush over Patton every hot-damn time.
So basically this was a case of a national strategey applied to the wrong state at the wrong time. It's got nothing to do with Democrats or Republicans, just Paul Patton being a bigger dick than the President.
3) Fletcher actually, y'know, tried. Let me reiterate that Kentucky's had Democrat governors for the last thirty years. It's an uphill battle for anybody trying to run against them. APparently, Chandler overestimated how tough a run he was in for, because other than a few signs littered across Frankfort, I never really saw much from the guy. Oh, and he called my apartment on Election Day. I'm hoping that was just because I was last on his list, because calling homes the day _before_ would have been an infinitely better strategy. The polls open at six a.m. you know. Even if I'd been at home when the call came in, it could have still been too late.
And that was the problem with the entire Chandler campaign. He was hoping that the legacy of his grandfather [former Governor "Happy" Chandler] would carry him to the Governor's mansion, and being a registered Democrat in the "Solid South" would take care of everything. Well, I'm probably exagerating a tad, but 45% of the vote tells me that something sure was missing from his campaign.
Meanwhile, Fletcher actually got Bush to help him out. "Stumping", I think it's called. Now, I realize being an Evil Fascist Dictator, Bush might have hurt Fletcher's chances a bit, but see points 1 and 2. Fact of the matter is, you bring the President of the United States to Paducah, it sends a message. The message goes something like "Hey, the President didn't screw some skanky nursing home lady. I think he actually values our support from the 2000 election, and he genuinely gives a crap about the welfare of our state." Not that I blame Chandler for coming up short on this sort of thing. Clinton tried to help out Gray Davis, and it didn't exactly do the job. Plus, that probably would have backfired over here. Just a tad.
Hopefully, if the Democrats have learned anything from this year, it's that "Whining about Bush" isn't going to appeal to a majority of voters. Sure, you can get about forty percent of the voters to back you up on that, but anything under fifty's the losing side. It didn't work in 2002, it's not working now, and short of W. being caught on film with an underage goat, it's not likely to work in 2004. Does Bush suck? Sure he does, but that's not the end of the discussion. You still have to prove you suck less than he does before anyone will put you in the White House.
What made me finally respect Chandler was, appropriately enough, his concession speech, where he quoted his grandfather with what I think is a bitter pill the Dems need to swallow. "When you dig a dry hole, don't stand there and fill it with tears, move your digger." Here's hoping that attitude begins to catch on...
[EDIT (1/2/2005): It didn't...]