The Inhuman Condition: 1
SUPERMAN: RYO-OH-KI
by Mike Smith
send questions/comments/whatever to mike_p_smith@prodigy.net

Disclaimer Far Beyond Those of Mortal Men: This story features Superman and the cast of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV series, which are trademarks of DC Comics and  AIC/Pioneer LDC, Inc.  You can figure out which bits were whose, I suspect.  Anyway, this is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me.  This story is copyright of me.  Download if you like, but please don't archive it without my permission. Don't be shy.  

The Greatest Continuity Note in the Entire Universe!: Unlike Scooby-Doo, Both the Superman mythos and the Tenchi mythos do not tell a single story following a single continuity.   This is why Lex Luthor was running the Legion of Doom in 1977 and he's the President Elect of the United States (!) in 2000.  It's also why Kiyone drops in and out of the show depending on what episodes Cartoon Network is showing, but the Lex example is more dramatic, no?  The point is that I enjoy many aspects from all the different versions of their exploits, and occasionally borrow stuff from each one to make the story better... hopefully.  

To that end, I have "anchored" this little tale in the Post-Crisis Superman universe, between ACTION COMICS #773 and SUPERMAN v. 2  #165 (Triangle #'s 2001-5 and 6), and on the Tenchi side, I'm putting this all not long after Episode #13 of the OAV--"Here Comes Jurai".   But, I'll be fudging the line a lot, since there's elements from the Tenchi Universe series I want to use, and there's that third OAV that'll probably negate any of this, and on TOP of all that, Superman's origin was called into question in SUPERMAN #166.  

Oh, and for that matter, it should be clear that Tenchi doesn't live on Earth-DC, and that I'm employing the old "shared universe" trick here, used in half a dozen Marvel/DC co-productions.  So really this one doesn't fit into ANY continuity at all.  

Confidential to Skokie: Yes, I CAN write fanfic outside the confines of continuity.  Whether it's any GOOD remains to be seen.  

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Original Tenchi Muyo! concept by Masaki Kajishima and Hiroki Hayashi
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster
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[prologue]

His name was not important.  Not anymore.  It was the price he had paid for his alliance.  For a conspiracy to truly work, the participants had to sacrifice everything--identity, status, friendship, love, on and on--for the sole purpose of the conspiracy.  

Which was fine with him, really.  He'd never felt that he had those things to begin with.  It was a small price to pay for revenge.  For power.   

"Legion," a servitor robot called.  It floated across his room and laid a video surveillance disk on the desk in front of him.  "I do not wish to disturb you, but you ordered me to deliver this to you as soon as Unit X-7 finished recording it.  

Legion. That was what he called himself now.  What they called him now.  He sat up from his slouched posture over the desk and stretched his arms out.  He didn't always used to sit in a darkened hotel room, brooding like some recluse.  The black arts were supposed to be a celebration, a revelry in the darkness and mystery beyond nature itself.  There was a time, long ago, when he used to go to parties.  Make time with the ladies.  Let the noise of others wash over him like a song.  

But he was always alone.  He never truly belonged.  At least this way, he could confront that solitude head on.  Embrace it.  Use it as his weapon.  He picked up the disk and looked at his reflection in its shining surface.  "This had better be worth it," he muttered, placing it into a holographic player at arm's length.   A brief, nearly inaudible whir as the disk began to spin inside the machine, then the player came to life, sprouting a three-dimensional image of a dark alley.  He hit the pause button on the display, and reached out with his thoughts.  It was time to summon the others.  

"I see your mechanical toys have finally borne fruit!" Zod laughed as he entered first.  His smug face and drab uniform were more than enough to identify him as a military man, but it was his characteristic swagger and arrogant tone that specified his status as a high-ranking official.  "Good!  I grow impatient with waiting.  Let us see how our plans have unfurled so far..."

"You might at least wait for us, General," Zaora chided.  She folled close behind, and not for the first time Legion had to wonder what role she served for Zod.  Her form-fitting green and pruple jumpsuit gave no clue that he could interpret.  Obviously, of course, she must have been one of the General's closest subordinates, to have shared his fate for all this time. "After all we've been through together, you still seem to hold the illusion that you have no need for us."  

"And that is the secret to his power, Zaora!" Quex-Ul bellowed.  "Care for others, pity, regard--those are the ways of the weak!  Our enemies can choke on such emotions, but Zod will always rise above such foibles.  Indeed, we all do!"

Legion grunted in amusement.  There was no mystery in _his_ function.  His unkempt beard, menacing scowl, and clenched fists told the whole story.  Men of power often left their dirtier work to someone like Quex-Ul.  He could relate.

"Enough congratulation," Zod snapped.  "Legion, show us what has occurred."

Legion waited for them all to come in and he allowed the video to resume playing.  They were outsiders as well, he considered.  The difference was that they were three of a kind, and therefore had at least that much more than he ever would.  On the other hand, they were even more alone than he could ever be.  They didn't belong in this universe at all.  

The first player in the film was a disheveled man.  Legion couldn't recognize his species, but he was clearly out of shape for whatever he was, stumbling down the alley in a futile parody of running.  Finally, the man stopped to catch his breath, leaning over a nearby trash can to ease his tired legs of the entire burden of his bulk.  He looked towards the direction of the camera, his eyes widened with panic.  "Cant believe..." he panted.  "Can't... can't believe... that she found me... Boss Rollux is gonna have my head for this... if I live that long..."

Zod smiled and looked to the robot.  "Ahhhh, so this is Rollux's man.  The man we contacted with our little 'tip'.  Hmmph.  I almost regretted that he had to lose his life over this, but considering what a pathetic fool he appears to be, I doubt anyone will miss him."  

"Yes, sir," the robot said in reply to his comment.  

Behind the pudgy man in the alley, a shadow dropped from the upper limit of the camera's range.  Before the man even heard it hit the ground, a strand of purple light flashed out from it and wrapped tightly around his fat neck.  Instinctively, he grabbed with his hands to pull the filament loose, but before he could free himself, the shadow yanked him back cruelly, sending him tumbling to the ground.  

"Is that--?" Legion asked.   

The man on the hologram slowly rose to his knees to see his assailant, and he was met with a right hand that grasped him square on the face and shoved him into the alley wall, knocking over a few trash cans in the process.  At last, the figure stepped into the light of the streetlamp at the end of the throughway, and Legion could see the object of his inquiry for himself.  The robot answered for him anyway.  

"Yes, sir.   The bounty hunter.  Nagi."  

Even in the light, Legion couldn't make out much of her appearance.  She wore a black cloak that ran down to her knees, and what little of her face was uncovered by her hood revealed wisps of icy blue hair and an even colder glare from her blood red eyes.

"Scuddy Zerken," Nagi addressed the fat man with a dispassionate, almost casual tone.  "You'd think someone with as many enemies as you would learn to cover his trail a little better."  

Zerken did his best to relax himself without provoking any more violence.  "Ah... what makes you think we're enemies, huh?  Nobody sends the Galaxy's most efficient bounty hunter after a two-bit wiseguy like me.  And even if they did, the price on my head wouldn't even cover the fuel it'd take to ship my head to the contractor, am I right?"  

"You work for Boss Rollux," Nagi replied.  "The only thing keeping you alive right now is the possibility that you can lead me to bigger fish.   Otherwise, I might just cut my losses and take what little I can get for a two-bit wiseguy.  My transportation is _very_ cost-effective, by the way.  Peanuts, really."  

He stiffened at this.  "Look... you can't make me rat out Rolly!  He'll have my thumbs for breakfast the next morning!  Rollux doesn't tolerate squealers!  And police protection is just an inconvenience for someone like him.  I tell you anything and I'm dead, end of story!"  

Her eyes narrowed and she drew a sword from her hip.  With a practiced precision she carved a small cut on his cheek.  "You seem to have an interesting notion of what I can and can't do, Scuddy.   And you're forgetting that if you tell me nothing, you're dead right now.  At least if you give me what I want, I might be persuaded to bring you in alive... and if you're cooperative, I might just fix it so you never have to worry about Rollux ever again... Point is, you'll die one way or another.  When is entirely up to you."  

"Wait!  Zoom in on the fat oaf's legs!" Quex-Ul ordered suddenly.   The computer quickly complied, and the image of Scuddy's pants was now clearly visible, as well as an obviously moistened area that had not been there before.  "The whimpering toad!  He's wet himself like a petulant child!" he laughed.  

"That is quite enough, Quex-Ul!" Zod then shouted.  "We are here to view the progress of our plot against the Murderer.  Not to satisfy your simian sense of humor.  Now resume playback at standard magnification.    

Legion rolled his eyes at this.  Clearly, these were three beings who'd spent a great deal of time together, to the point where even the simplest matter became a yelling match.  The only thing that seemed to keep them together was their hatred for the man they called "the Murderer."  Not that Legion held any great love for that one either, but he had plenty of others he wanted to destroy ahead of him.  If all went well, this Nagi would ignite the fuse that would accomplish this task.  

On the display, Scuddy swallowed hard and tried to press his head closer to the wall to avoid the swordtip.  "Uh... look, if you're serious about this... I think I may have something that you'd be interested in. Something more important to you than me or Rollux.  Something you've never been able to get over in seven hundred years."  

Legion perked up at this.  This was the critical moment.  

On the display Nagi raised an eyebrow.  "What would you possibly know that I would want more than Rollux's blood?"  

Scuddy breathed a little easier as Nagi moved her sword away from his throat.  "You said it yourself, lady.  You've got no use for little fish like me.  But I can give you the one that got away.   That one blot on your perfect record.  You know what I'm talking about."  

Nagi paused for a moment.  Then she raised her sword back to Scuddy's throat.  "Yes.  It's called manure.  Why should I believe anything you say, Scuddy?  You'd tell me anything to get rid of me and stay in Rollux's good graces."  

"You know, you're right," Scuddy said, suddenly gaining a little more confidence.  "You might as well finish me off.  Better to end it here before you let your curiosity get the better of you, right?"

"She's dead," Nagi growled.  "Dead or gone into hiding.  And even if she were alive, it's been seven hundred years.  The statute of limitations would have expired months ago.  I can't avenge that loss if there's no bounty to collect."  

"That's where you're wrong," Scuddy said.  "I know where you can find your fish.  And I know somebody who's still carrying a grudge.   The Galaxy Police won't do anything, but there's other legal systems in this old universe.  Ones that'll pay top dollar for a wanted fugitive..."

"And all you want in return is your life."

"A modest price, I admit."  

"Then this is what we'll do.  I'm taking you in--alive--to my contractor.  You can tell me everything you know, or I'll arrange a little in-flight accident on the way over... You can give me Rollux or not.  Your choice, but once he finds out I took you into custody, I'm not sure how he'll react.  Maybe he'll have you freed, or he could just assume you ratted him out, and have you killed.  You know him better than I do.  Something to think about on the trip.   You know I'll get him eventually.  The question is how soon I get it done once I get back from Earth--"

"Earth?" Scuddy asked.  

"Of course," Nagi said coolly as she wrapped her energy whip around his waist and began hauling him up a fire escape to the roof.  "You see, I know exactly WHERE she is, Scuddy. All I want from you is how alive she is and how dead she has to be for this contractor you know."  

"She's taken the bait," Zod gloated,  "Soon our foe will be manipulated into a position where we can strike."  

"Don't sound so confident, Zod," Zaora snapped.  "This is only the beginning.  And Nagi may not be able to fulfill our expectations."

The holo-display interrupted their discourse.  "You'll never make it," Scuddy laughed.  "Not in a million years.  Rollux'll send flowers to YOUR grave, you psycho witch!"  

"Hmmm.  The day I can't make a simple pickup from a backwater Outer Rim planet is the day I hang up my sword for good," Nagi declared as she finished pulling him up to the rooftop.  Above them a white spacecraft hovered in anticipation of their arrival.  

"Seven hundred years ago maybe," Scuddy chuckled.  "But this is the present, lady.   Do you have any idea what kind of things LIVE on the Earth?"

[end prologue]
    
***

He woke up to a haze of green.  His throat was dry, his tongue felt like it was made of gauze.  He felt like he would throw up soon.  He tried to put his hand to his abdomen to calm his queasy stomach, but he found his limbs restrained... with what seemed to be ordinary rope.  

His name was Superman.  Often called the Man of Steel by the public.  He didn't feel the part.

He strained to remember... Kryptonite.  Yes, he'd been poisoned from acute exposure to Kryptonite, the only substance that could rob him of his powers. Given time, it was supposed to be fatal to him as well, but luckily he'd never been able to put that to the ultimate test.  He raised his head weakly and looked over to his left and found a metal stand positioned just a few feet away from him, and sure enough a small sample of Green K was sitting there, illuminating the vicinity with a verdant phosphorescence.  Far enough from him that it wouldn't kill him, but certainly close enough to make him very sick, as the cold sweat beading on his forehead indicated.  He tried to hold his breath and listen closely in case anyone else was nearby, but nothing.  Not that his hearing was all that reliable in this state, but he had to assume he was alone in this... wherever he was.  That meant no one would stop him from trying to escape, but it also meant whatever he did, he'd have to do it on his own--

A loud, cheerful meow broke the silence.  

"E-elroy?" he called weakly.  Even as he finished, he realized that was absurd.  Lois's pet cat wouldn't be here, wherever here was.  Besides, it didn't quite sound like a cat to him... almost as if--

He felt something leap up onto the bed he was tied to, then crawl slowly up his body, finally sitting down on his chest.  It looked him in the eye, and he saw his visitor for the first time.  "Well... hello there," Superman groaned.  "Are you supposed to be guarding me?"  

It looked like some sort of cross between a cat and a rabbit. Or he was hallucinating, which was certainly to be expected with lengthy Kryptonite exposures.  Nevertheless, it nodded and then looked him over with soft yellow eyes, then whimpered in concern.  

"I'm sorry I can't stand up for this meeting," Superman joked, trying his best to stay awake, "but I'm not feeling very good right now."  

The creature nodded again and meowed confidently.  At once it leaped off his body, then jumped back on again after a few seconds.  A piece of a carrot dangled from its mouth, and it dropped the vegetable matter onto Superman's face.  

"Thanks," he said, trying to keep the sight of food from increasing his nausea.  "But I'm not very hungry at the moment.  So you like to eat carrots, huh?  You remind me of a bunny rabbit we kept in school where I was growing up.  He liked to get his ears scratched sometimes.  I wonder if you'd like that, too..."

The cat-rabbit closed its eyes in ecstasy, as if pondering the infinite glories of what he had just suggested.  

"Well, there's not... not much I can do about that right now... but I could make you a deal, OK?"  This was a longshot, but somehow this animal was following him so far, and he couldn't look much more foolish than he already did... "You see that glowing rock over there?  Uh-huh... I need you to do me a favor.  Just move it over to the other side of this place.  Get it as far away from here as you can.  And then I can get better, and I promise you that I'll find you the biggest, juiciest, tastiest carrot on this whole planet--assuming I'm still on Earth, anyway.  But I'll scratch behind your ears just the same.  How does that sound?"  

If the cabbit understood him, it seemed to be very agreeable to this arrangement.  At once, it leaped off the bed, and Superman heard a loud clang as the platform came crashing down.  This was followed by a stifled popping noise, then the sound of footsteps (humanoid?) walking away from him.  In minutes Superman already started to feel his strength returning.  By the time the creature returned from it's mission, he had already broken free of his bonds, snapping the rope with a quick motion of his arms.  And he was able to take a good look at his benefactor, who had now taken on the form of an adult humanoid female.  

"Either you've gotten taller since we last met, or I must have been more out of it than I thought," Superman noted.  Before he could ask, the fur-covered humanoid transformed once again into the cat-rabbit thing he'd bargained with before, and jumped into his lap, awaiting its end of the deal.  

"Good... girl, I guess.  I think we can safely assume that much at least.  Who's a good girl?" Superman cooed, holding the animal in one hand and rubbing its large ears in the other. "Yes you are!  I'll get to work on that carrot next, but first I have to find--Kelex!"  

He spotted his robot servant lying on another platform next to his own gurney, and quickly set the cabbit down so he could examine it for damage.  "Hmmm... nothing serious," he observed.  "She must have just deactivated it for further study.  Or figured I'd be in no condition to turn him back on..."  He opened the back of the small golden machine and tapped a circuit, and Kelex jolted back to life, floating under his own power at his usual four feet off the ground.

"Blue," Kelex asked at once, "are you, like, fully functional?"  

"Thanks to my new friend here," Superman replied, holding the cabbit in his hands to show off her heroism.  "One of Washuu's inventions, I'm sure, but at least this one isn't above taking bribes.  So any idea where we are?"

Kelex clicked and whirred, leering his cranial unit around to examine the surroundings.  "Advanced technology, mad energy output... quantum effects a telltale sign of subspace manipulation.  I believe this has gots to be Professor Washuu's laboratory.  Or at least one of many such installations."  

"Subspace?" Superman repeated.  "You mean this whole place is built inside a tessarect, like the Fortress of Solitude?"  

"A similar principle, dig?" Kelex answered.  "But this subspace crib is far more versatile.  Adjusted properly, it could theoretically be connected up to be entered from anywhere on Earth.  Or even inside our own Fortress tessarect.  We must consider the security risk to the--"  

"I think you've just hit on something, Kelex," Superman said.  "Listen, Washuu told me that she studied ancient Krypton.  Maybe she adapted elements of Kryptonian technology into her own devices. Do you think you could interface with her databanks and manipulate a subspace gateway for me?"  

"Given time," Kelex said.  "You wanna give me the 411 on your plan?"  

"Just see if you can get access first," Superman said.  "If this works, the rest should just fall into place."  He picked up the cabbit and rubbed her head affectionately.  "Right now I need to find my way out of here so I can find out what's been going on outside.  C'mon, little lady," he said to the creature in his arms, "you just might be the closest thing I have to a guide around here."  He leaped into the air and together they flew off into the recesses of the lab.

It was remarkable, really.  Now that he could get a look at the place, Superman couldn't help but be amazed at the wonders contained in Washuu's laboratory.  The cabbit pointed one of her long ears out and meowed, and he adjusted his trajectory to follow her instructions.  They passed what seemed like a massive tube from a hamster cage, only filled with fluid and infested with a leviathan fish-like creature.  A large floating platform with a young tree growing in a bed of soil was next on the tour, followed by what had to be some sort of medical bay, with tubes and probes and antennas all pointed at a central location with some kind of harness that a human body might fit into.  He had to wonder if that had been meant for him had he not just escaped.  

At last, he found a door.  It simply stood there impossibly in the middle of a large room.  If this place was contained in subspace, Superman considered, then a portal like that one almost certainly had to be the way out.  He descended to the door and carefully turned the knob, half-expecting some booby-trap to go off.  Nothing.  Not even a lock.  

"Looks like you came through on your end, little friend," Superman said to the creature in his arms.  "Now with a little more luck, I can fulfill my own and put a stop to Washuu and anyone else who stands with her!"

***

"You seem to be taking this more seriously, Tenchi."  

Tenchi wiped his forehead and sat down on the ground, stabbing his wooden practice sword into the dirt for safe keeping.  At times like these, it was hard to believe that his grandfather was an old man.  They'd been sparring together since he was a child, and no matter how much improvement he showed, the old timer still consistently pushed him to the limit.  It was all just for training purposes, but every time he lowered his own sword and decided that they'd done enough for one day, Tenchi felt like he was getting a stay of execution.  

And of course, getting a compliment from Grandpa was almost as satisfying as the idea of beating him one of these days.  "Hmm?" he responded as he caught his breath.  

"Which is not to say that you weren't an attentive student in the past, mind you," his grandfather continued.  The older man lowered himself to the ground carefully, and finally he let himself drop the last few inches to the earth.  He reached to his right and picked up a thermos that had been lying in the grass, and opened it, pouring its contents into the cap. "But you seem to have a renewed dedication to our practice sessions."  

"Thanks."

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and nodded.  "You know, you seemed to be under the weather a few days before.  But we practiced anyway.  I wouldn't have questioned it if you had told me you were feeling too ill to practice yesterday."  

Tenchi raised his arms over his head and stretched them for a moment, then reached around behind his head and started flexing his elbows back.  "I figured guys like Kagato and Dr. Clay aren't going to take a raincheck if I'm not feeling a hundred percent, right?" he replied.  "I mean, before, I just thought of this to be quality time spent with my grandpa, you know?  Now... now that I know there was a reason for training, well, I want to make sure I'm as good as I can be for whatever comes our way in the future."  

His grandfather nodded solemnly, and sipped from his tea.  "I see.  And what makes you think there ARE more obstacles to come?"  

He shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't know.  Better safe than sorry, I suppose.  It just bothers me that we always seem to make it by just a hair.  I'd like to have more of an edge in those kinds of situations.  Anything you show me has to help, grandpa."  

"And if I have nothing more to teach you? After all, you've been doing quite well so far.  Perhaps you've learned all there is to learn." he asked softly.  

Tenchi smiled.  "It's still quality time with my grandpa then," he said.  

"Hmm... Good answer."

"But maybe you're right," Tenchi said.  "I mean, Kagato and Clay were associates of Washuu before they came after us.  How many enemies could Little Washuu make in twenty-thousand years?"    

"At least one more, by my count," the older man said.  "Behind you."  

Tenchi looked at his grandfather in confusion, and then spun around to see what he was talking about.  He nearly lost his balance stepping back in shock from what he saw.  

He was six feet tall, give or take a few inches.  On his broad shoulders hung a red cape that rippled behind him in the breeze.  His arms were crossed firmly across his chest, covering part of a yellow and red insignia on his costume.  And he had red boots.  

Those were most notable to him, because until he looked up to see the rest of the guy, the boots were floating at eye-level for him.  

"Hi," he said in a pleasant tone that contradicted the determined look on his face.  

Tenchi realized his jaw had dropped at the sight of this, and he turned back to face his grandfather.  "Grandpa, do you know who this--?"

And the question died on his tongue as he found the old man standing up and screwing the cap back on his thermos.  "Well, I need to be getting back to the shrine now.  I think you can handle this one by yourself, Tenchi.  It was nice meeting you," he said to the newcomer as he started walking back through the forest.  

Tenchi gulped audibly and looked back around at the visitor, and sure enough he was still standing there--floating there--whatever.  "So... what brings you out here, ah, Superman?"

"I think we need to talk," was all he said in reply.

***

This was nuts.  

Not the flying part, or being confronted with a powerful being from beyond the stars who could most likely incinerate him without trying hard.  That part he'd gotten used to in recent months.

No, what bothered Tenchi was that at long last someone had finally lifted the veil of secrecy that had surrounded the Masaki household.    

And unlike the possibilities he'd prepared for (the police, the army, anyone and everyone in his high school), this guy could incinerate him without trying.  And he seemed pretty upset, given how he got here.  So far, all he'd said was that he was captured by Washuu, and he was determined to defeat her at all cost.  And he seemed to wince every time he said her name.    

"Ryo-Oh-Ki you said her name was?" he asked.  

"Uh, yeah," Tenchi said.  "She usually looks like a four legged animal, but she recently learned to assume humanoid form."  

"Well, anyway, once she helped me escape, I found the way out of Washuu's lab and it led to a broom closet door at the bottom of your stairwell.  I scanned the place with my super-senses and found a couple of people in the house, both of them alien.  No one seemed aware of my escape, but I decided not to press my luck, so I left Ryo-Oh-Ki in the house while I made my way to an upstairs window and left."  

"And found me out here," Tenchi surmised.  

"Well, I ran a few errands first," Superman added.  "But yes. Tenchi, I can understand the need to harbor aliens in secret.  That's the story of my life, literally.  But that also means that I know exactly how potentially dangerous that can be for the people of Earth.  And I think you know the risks of that as well as I do."  

That was the truth.  "If this got out to the public, it could start a panic," Tenchi admitted.  

"It already has," Superman said. "That's why I'm here.  And if we're to have any chance of containing this before it gets any worse, I'll need you to tell me everything you know.  From the beginning."  

Tenchi looked down at the ground below them and pointed to a rock formation below.  "Down there," he said.  "I'm sorry it took me so long to find, but I'm not used to doing this from the air."  

"No problem," Superman said, descending down to the spot Tenchi had indicated.  In all honesty, the cave he wanted to show him was a familiar spot to him--he could probably find it blindfolded if he had to--but he wanted to gauge Superman's mood before he started.  Get him to cool off from whatever trouble Washuu had started.  And he'd found that playing the role of the awestruck country bumpkin was an effective way to get people to underestimate him.  "So what is this place?" Superman asked.    

"You asked me to begin at the beginning," Tenchi said waving his hand out to the mouth of the cave.  "For me, this is where it began."

Superman poked his head into the aperture and looked around left to right.  "It's empty, but yes, I can see lingering aftereffects of special force fields and unfamiliar energies inside.  Are you saying Washuu came from this place?"

"Well, no, not really," Tenchi explained.  "See, there was a legend about this cave.  A demon was sealed inside seven hundred years ago.  My grandpa told me the story when I would come here on summer vacations to work at the shrine with him.  Y'know, doing chores, odd jobs, raking the leaves--"  

"Fencing lessons?" Superman added.

"Awww!" Tenchi groaned.  Bad enough he had to go over the story without a chance to rehearse, but he'd have to defend his ego, too!  "You saw the whole thing today, I bet!  Well, he may have knocked me on my butt with that little feint he pulled, but that was cheating, I swear!"  

"Hey, easy," Superman chuckled.  "I thought you did pretty good down there.  Why do you think I waited until you were done before I revealed myself?  But somehow I don't think every Shinto priest runs a swordfighting class on the side.  Not with the kinds of moves HE was using, at any rate."  

"Well, no, but I'm getting ahead of myself," Tenchi explained.  "See, he told me that story because he WANTED me to go in here and break the seal on this forbidden shrine.  That's how I got this."  He reached under his tunic and pulled out an ivory colored object with a pair of red jewels on one end.  

"What is that?" Superman asked, reaching out to it with his hand.  Before he could make contact, a spark of energy flew out from the artifact and struck his fingertips.  Superman jerked his hand back in pain.

"Uh, sorry," Tenchi said.  "It doesn't respond well to aliens.  That's how it was used to seal the shrine, I guess."  

"I can imagine," Superman grunted, rubbing his hand to ease the pain of the shock. "So you removed that thing from the cave, and that released the demon?  I take it this wasn't a real demon, seeing as you're still here and I haven't heard anything about it."  

Tenchi laughed out loud and buried his face in the palm of his hand.  

"What?  I mean, the demon was newsworthy seven hundred years ago, right? I haven't heard a peep about her these days." Superman asked.  

"I'm--hee-hee!--I'm sorry," Tenchi chortled. "It's just that since I let her out of this cave, the Great Seto Bridge was wrecked, my high school was burned to the ground in a gas explosion, and my house was plucked out of the foundation and dropped not far from my grandfather's shrine.  She's calmed down some since then, but she's real all right.  Trust me.  I'm just thankful the media wrote all of that stuff off as 'unexplained disasters'."  

"Huh. Reminds me of when I was first starting out, using my powers to help people in secret," Superman mused.  "I guess even a bull in a china shop can keep a low profile if he needs to."  

"Secret?" Tenchi asked.  "Really?"

"Yeah, I didn't always run around in this suit," Superman said.  "I told you, I could understand the need for secrecy, remember?  Anyway, I've found people generally prefer to write things off as coincidence unless they're faced with something unconventional.  Sometimes it's better to let them have their security than to confront them with something they don't want to know.  So I assume you were the one who stopped her reign of terror before it got any worse?"  

"Sort of," Tenchi answered.  "Really, she was just upset.  Maybe a little frightened. I mean, seven hundred years is a long time to be cooped up and rendered powerless, right?"  

"I can't argue with that," Superman agreed.  "After all, like I told you, I woke up in that laboratory connected to your house with a piece of Kryptonite keeping me company.  Couldn't have been more than a few hours, but I'm still not too happy about it.  Sorry if I took that out on you, by the way.  It wasn't my intention to intimidate you before, Tenchi."  

"That's OK, really," Tenchi replied.  "I mean, you have every right to be upset--but you still haven't told me how you wound up meeting Washuu, or how you knew I was connected with her."  

"That," Superman sighed, "is a complicated story in it's own right.  And if we're done with this part of the tour, I suppose I can explain my side to you.  Assuming that I can make any sense of it myself..."

***
NEXT: Strange Visitor