The Inhuman Condition: 4
WASHUU in ACTION COMICS
by Mike Smith
send questions/comments/whatever to mike_p_smith@hotmail.com

Eyeglasses Wearing Disclaimer: This story features Superman and the cast of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV series, which are trademarks of DC Comics and  AIC/Pioneer LDC, Inc.  You can figure out which bits were whose, I suspect.  Anyway, this is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me.  This story is copyright of me.  Download if you like, but please don't archive it without my permission. Don't be shy.  

Metabolically Altered Prepubescent Continuity Note: This story takes place between ACTION COMICS #773 and SUPERMAN v.2 #164, and sometime after Episode #13 of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV.  

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Original Tenchi Muyo! concept by Masaki Kajishima and Hiroki Hayashi
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster
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"So be honest with me.  You're SURE you're not dying, right?"  

Tenchi squinted his eyes and rubbed his back up against the tree in an effort to get comfortable.  "Pretty sure," came his weak reply.

"Well, you look like death would be a step up, actually," Ryoko smirked, bending down to rub her hand through his bristly hair.  

Tenchi felt like he had bruises in places he never knew he had before.  His grandfather had been teaching him how to swordfight since as long as he could remember--all part of his plan for Tenchi to be prepared for the day he would learn the nature of his power as a descendant of the Jurai royal family--but he'd never taken so many bumps and jabs sparring with grandpa than he had today.  He might have blamed his cold, but the truth was it was his own fault.  It was this, or call in sick and listen to Ryoko and Ayeka argue over who would get to adjust his pillow for the thirty-fifth time.  He liked them both, really, but at least when he was outdoors there was a slight hope of keeping them from going at it tooth and claw.  

"You know, your grandfather isn't the only one around here who knows the blade from the hilt, after all," Ryoko offered.  She generated a sphere of orange light in her hand and extended it into a gleaming staff of energy, then began absent-mindedly carving shapes into the dirt.  "In case you're interested in some advanced studies..."

"I seem to recall he kicked your butt pretty good seven hundred years ago," Tenchi replied.  A small laugh escaped from his lips, but he stopped to nurse a pain in his ribs.  

"WHAT?" She leered at him with widened eyes, then calmed down again when she realized he was kidding around.  "Well, yeah, but only because I took a dive, see?  I needed some down time.  A few centuries locked up in a cave, today I'm sitting under a nice tree in the shade... your grandpa runs that musty old shrine every day.  Who's the real winner, I ask you?"  

"You may be right," Tenchi sighed, doing his best to relax.  

"You know I'm right," Ryoko added. "Best thing to ever happen to me, really.  And you..."

She leaned over to kiss him... and the moment hung in the air like a tangible thing...

Then shattered into a million pieces with the call of a shrill, immature voice.  "You know, in my old academy days, they didn't allow PDA on the grounds!"  

Ryoko lost her balance from the unexpected intrusion, and fell over Tenchi's chest.  He yelped out with pain as she quickly flipped over to right herself.  "What do YOU want?" she asked, her voice chilling with each syllable.  

"What does anyone want?" Washuu asked coyly, approaching the tree trunk and scooting in between the pair.  She stared intently at Tenchi, as if inspecting him for design flaws.  "You're sick, Tenchi.  I imagine you're aware of that by now.  You know you should have come to my lab as soon as you developed symptoms."

"Uh, yeah..." Tenchi hesitantly agreed.  "I'll do that next time."  

"There wouldn't BE a next time if you'd quit skipping out on my testing routines, you know?" she groaned. "Still, I'm sure I can make you all better in no time."  Washuu pulled out a small metallic instrument from her robe and pressed the end up against Tenchi's arm.  "Anti-viral agent.  Kills bugs dead."

Already he could feel his sinuses clearing, and his eyes seemed to water a little less than before.  "Wow, thanks, Little Washuu," he said, taking a deep breath.  

Ryoko coughed twice in protest.  

"You, on the other hand," Washuu said, changing her focus to her, "are perfectly fine, save for the ravages of old age, Ryoko.  I take it that you want something other than to clear your throat?"

Ryoko's sour expression suddenly shifted to a bright, sunny smile.  "Why, yes, there certainly is, Washuu!  I was just wondering, if maybe, possibly, you could BUTT THE HELL out?"

She rolled her eyes. "And people call ME childish."

"With sugar on top?"

"The fact is," Washuu continued, "that I was hoping to get some advice from you two.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a hundred ten percent infallible in the science game, but this is more of a question of physical force, and I thought that seemed like something the Space Pirate and the Walking Bruise could assist me with."  

"Nope.  Buzz off," Ryoko said.

"Well you did just do me a big favor, Little Washuu," Tenchi said, "so if there's anything I can do to help..."

"Oh, lovely," Washuu beamed.  "So let me ask you guys a hypothetical question.  I'm not really the rock 'em sock 'em type, but say I was trying to conduct some experiments and there was this guy who... well let's just say he could stop an oncoming train with one hand if he set his mind to it.  Now I gotta stop him, but he's just too tough to handle for the most part.  What would you suggest?"  

"What kind of dumb question is that?" Ryoko sneered.  "Me, I'd just hit the road and pawn all my lab supplies for sake.  Maybe some of those fuzzy slippers."  

"Spoken like a true space pirate..." Washuu groaned.  

"I didn't spend seven hundred years locked in that cave because I was smart," she added.  "No, my deal is you gotta know when to fold 'em.  Hmmm, yeah, I'd probably blow the rest of my money on casinos. Man, scientists could live pretty good if they just cashed out early and pawned off their equipment..."  

"Um, well..." Tenchi started.  

"Yeeeesss," Washuu encouraged.  

He scratched the back of his head nervously.  "Not that I'm an expert or anything, but my grandpa always says that when you're swordfighting, you have to look for an opening.  You can be the best there is, and still lose because it only takes one mistake for your opponent to take advantage and win.  So you just have to find his weakness, whatever it is, and exploit it."  

"Well, how do I figure that out?" Washuu asked hurriedly.  

"Why are we supposed to know?" Ryoko griped.  "You're always 'genius' this and 'science' that!  You even built those robots to suck up to you every few minutes, remember?"  

"Hey, yeah," Washuu said.  On cue, a pair of small dolls that looked like Washuu popped up from behind her back.  Each came equipped with a monogrammed belt buckle to distinguish them.

"You are Washuu, you're  the GREATEST!" Shoulderbot "A" cheered.

"You are Washuu, you're the GENIUS!"  Shoulderbot "B" cheered.

Ryoko rolled her eyes at the display.  Washuu smiled broadly and the two robots flipped back to wherever they came from.  "Ahhh, I needed that.  Best invention I ever made."  She paused and then pinched Ryoko on the cheek.  

"Hey! Leggo!" she cried.  

"Well, after you, anyway, Little Ryoko." Washuu teased.  

Ryoko growled in annoyance and rubbed her sore cheek after Washuu released it.  She muttered under her breath, "Yeah, I'll sit on your shoulders... when I get around to wringing your scrawny neck, you little bi--"

"And you're right, Tenchi!" Washuu went on.  "Everybody has a weak point, and I think I even know where to start looking!  Thanks a lot!"  She turned and started back for the house.  "Now you kids have fun out here, OK?"  

"A-hyeh... Sure..." Tenchi replied in confusion.  He looked back a Ryoko.  "I don't suppose you have any idea what she's talking about, do you?"  

"Nope." Ryoko sulked, as she watched her giggle her way out of sight.  "Not a clue."  

***

"I don't believe this," Superman groaned.  "Are you telling me it was YOU who gave her the motivation to defeat me?"

Tenchi ran a hand through his hair and shook his head as he looked down at the stone steps they were standing on as they talked.  "Well, it's not like I _knew_ it was you she was talking about," he said apologetically.  "Hell, I thought she was playing a video game or something.  But I guess with everything Washuu already knew about you, it wouldn't have taken her long to find out how to stop you."  The story so far was that Superman had confronted him after another of his sparring sessions with Grandpa, demanding that Tenchi tell him all about his relationship with Washuu, one of the five aliens living in his house.  To hear Superman tell it, she was one of his worst enemies.  Given how easily Washuu had managed to tangle him into this mess, he was starting to understand how he felt.

"Well, your little huddle may have gotten your friend killed," Superman muttered.  "Deactivated, at any rate."  

"But that's what I'm trying to tell you!" Tenchi objected.  "Ryoko was with me while Washuu was in Metropolis.  And she and Ayeka were at home after that.  There's no way she was in America while you were fighting Washuu!"  
 
"Were you watching her the entire time?" Superman asked.  "Because I've seen Professor Washuu's technology in action.  As fast as she can get from place to place, as quickly as she can affect Earth-born life forms, I have no doubt that she'd be adle to convert one of her own devices to attack me, with or without you knowing it."  

"Look, maybe you'd better explain just how it happened," Tenchi suggested.  "Somehow I don't think it's as bad as you make it sound.  At least I hope it's not."

"Fine," Superman sighed.  "After I lost Washuu that night, I decided to go back to square one and rethink my strategy.  Little did I know that just because Washuu had dropped out of sight didn't mean she had given up on her experiments..."

***  

There was a warm darkness, which was then pierced by the screech of an electric buzz.   

Lois Lane woke up and rolled over to the other side of the bed.  It was cold.  Meaning that he hadn't come back that night.  

And yet, there was the distinct smell of burnt hair in the air.  So he'd come home to shave, at least.  It was strange once upon a time, but over the months, it had become as natural as waking up to sizzling bacon.  Living with an invulnerable alien who had to singe his own stubble off did that to you.  Lois got up and made her way to the bathroom.  "Clark?" she called wearily.  

Sure enough, there were all the taletell signs that he'd been home.  Drops of water in the shower, underwear and socks on top of the dirty clothes hamper (but nothing else), and the entire place was spotless, even the sink where she'd dropped a glob of toothpaste the night before.  

And that brought her attention to the mirror. She hadn't quite woken up yet, or fully adjusted her eyes to the brightness of the lit room, but now she was able to focus on the bright blue object in the mirror.  And a scream died on her lips.  

It was her.  

She looked down at her arm and pinched herself, partly to make sure she wasn't still dreaming, and partly to see if this wasn't some kind of elaborate makeup job.  It was neither.  She was blue.  And she just stared at herself for a few minutes, then finally noticed a post-it note on the mirror.  

"I KNOW.  I'M ALREADY WORKING ON IT.  MEET YOU AT WORK.  XOXOXOXO!"

She rolled her eyes and crumpled the note in her hand.  If there was any luck, any God, any true justice in this universe, she'd get a chance to strangle that kid for this...

***

"OK, well as soon as you're done with your tests, I'll need you to send him to me first thing.  Exactly, she made it pretty clear she wanted me out of the way, and I only know one way to do THAT, and that means I might need an ace in the hole.  No, I'd rather you didn't get involved, John.  Not yet, anyway.  Uh-huh.  The last thing I want to do is risk  drawing her attention to someone else.  Yeah.  Right.  I think that's a good idea.  You get in touch with the rest of the scientific community and see if you can't undo this skin coloration effect, and I'll make sure she's too occupied to interfere.  What that?  Well, tell Natasha that she's just as blue as every other human being in the city, so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  OK.  Ha-ha!  Yeah, goodbye, John."  

He didn't always drop by the office in his Superman outfit, but he did it enough that people were used to seeing him, and no one even questioned that he would drop in just to make a phone call to a friend.  "Hey, Superman!" a guy from the sports desk called to him.  He waved to the people as they passed by, and tried not to let on that he knew them a lot more personally than they suspected.  One in particular.  

"What are _you_ doing here?"

It was all Superman could do not to retort "I work here," the way he usually bantered back and forth with his wife.  Just like she probably had to resist the urge to address him as "Smallville".  Just another nuance in the life of a man with two identities.  "Hi, Lois.  I was just talking with Jimmy here to compare notes on this strange new visitor that's been popping up in Metropolis  That, and I wanted to call in for some assistance." He pointed at the receiver as he hung it up back on the hallway pay phone.  

Jimmy rushed to meet them in the hallway carrying two cups of coffee.  "I thought you might want some, too, Superman and--hey, Lois."  He looked her over once and shook his head.  "Happened to you, too, huh?  Welcome to the planet of the Smurfs."  

"I think it happened to everyone in the city, Jimmy.  Except Superman, from the look of it." She took one of the coffees from his hands.  "Which means I could use this a lot more than him right now."  She took the cup into her hands and gulped half of it down.  

"Feeling better?" Jimmy asked.  

"I'm still blue, aren't I?" she shot back.  "So what's the deal, Superman?  Is this another one of her tricks?"  

"Well, Jimmy hasn't told me much more than I already knew, but he's confirmed that Professor Washuu is definitely here because of me.  And given what she said before about experimenting with me directly the next time she showed up, I'm guessing this is some kind of attempt to get my attention."  

"So you think this is a trap of some kind?"  Lois asked.  

"Whatever the idea is behind this," Superman promised, "I'm going to put a stop to it.  If Washuu's after me, then I plan to be a very easy man to find.  And you can quote me on that."  

"Well, I'd like to stay and chat, but I've got to see the chief," Lois smiled.  "Seems that in his enthusiasm to fly home last night with _you_, my scatterbrained _husband_ forgot to make arrangements to have his luggage sent back to Metropolis.  He might be out all day getting his toothbrush back across the border."  

"Hmmph.  Well, tell Clark I said hello," he smiled back.  He faced Jimmy again.  "Tell you what, Jim--you might as well tell me the rest of your story on the observation deck.  I can keep a lookout up there until I figure out the next move."  

"Really?  Yeah, OK! Lemme get my coat!"

It seemed like Superman spent a lot of time on the roof of the _Planet_ building.  The place had a special significance to him, of course.  It was his first real connection to the city, professionally and socially.  Needless to say, even it had been affected by the B13 transformation.  Where there had once been a massive steel globe featuring the newspaper’s logo built atop the structure, there was now only a holographic projection of it floating just above the surface of the roof.  "Huh," Jimmy mused as he opened the door from the stairwell.  "It's been a few months already and I still don't think I'm used to the new holo-icon."  

"Oh, I don't know," Superman sulked.  He leaned over the rail and looked out over the town with his telescopic vision.  "The solid model always seemed to have a nasty habit of falling down and getting shot at.  I won't miss all the times some supervillain ripped off a giant letter 'L' and clubbed me over the head with it... What's so funny?"  

Jimmy struggled to control his laughter.  "Sorry, Superman.  It just that that's what makes you so cool to hang out with.  You always have a unique way of looking at stuff, y'know?"  

"I suppose you're right about that, Jimmy," Superman sighed.  "Still, it's things like the globe that remind me that I don't always have a positive effect on this city.  So many hoods and criminals have used this spot to get my attention, usually smashing it up in the process.  I suppose it's a small wonder that in the renovated Metropolis it would be reduced to an intangible image.  In that much, Washuu's got a point.  One way or another, I do have an undeniable impact on this city."

"Geez, Superman," Jimmy said, "I don't see why you're buying into this fairy tale.  You almost sound as if you're responsible for the B13 upgrade."  

"In a way, I am, Jimmy," Superman replied.  "After all, whatever happened to Brainiac to change Metropolis could have happened anywhere.  But he was here because he wanted revenge against me.  I know it's an old argument that I somehow draw my enemies to the city, but there is a validity to it.  After all, Luthor's always been the driving force behind this town, and recently, it's been hard to tell where his usual operations end and his personal vendetta against me begins.  Doomsday was specifically attracted to Metropolis because he somehow connected me with his creators.  And Metallo was invented because someone was afraid of the threat I potentially posed to the Earth."

"Hey, it's not like that!" Jimmy objected.  "All those guys would still be causing trouble with or without you.  Sure, having you in town can cause problems.  That goes for anybody, though.  But you do a lot of good for Metropolis, and that makes up the difference with interest.  At least that's what I say."  

"I appreciate you saying that.  And I'm not questioning my role.  But look around.  Billboards all advertise Metropolis as the 'home of Superman.' And that's because all the polls say that almost all the tourists who visit have at least some desire to catch a glimpse of me flying overhead.  And I find that somewhat embarrassing, but if it's good for the city... The point is that for good or bad, I've had a tangible effect on this town, to the point where it's become one-of-a-kind.  And now THAT's begun to attract the attention of undesirables.  And I guess it bothers me that Professor Washuu just assumes that this is all somehow a deliberate plot on my part.  It makes me wonder if this is something I could be able to control, and whether or not I would if I knew how."

"You know, I think I know what you mean," Jimmy offered.  "A lot of times I gotta look back at all the weird twists and turns in my life and wonder if I should have been able to prevent all the foul-ups I've had. And yeah, most of 'em I could have, but you know, hindsight's twenty-twenty, right?  I mean, shoot, I'm standing out here colored bright blue, and I'm not even that worried about it.  Not 'cause I expect you to bash through a brick wall and fix it, but it's because that's just how life goes, you know?  Stuff happens.  Fact is that you gotta just go out there and try to do what's right, and if it's the wrong call, you just have to do your best to set it straight.  That's what makes you so cool, Superman.  Because I figure you're just like me, or Lois, or Clark.  Taking it one day at a time.  Only with super-breath."  

He smiled and patted Jimmy on the back.  "I appreciate that, Jim.  That makes me feel a lot better coming from--Jimmy, get down!"

Before Jimmy could react, he felt a powerful shove knock him down flat against the roof.  He looked up to see just what Superman was talking about, and found a glowing green figure coming out of the sky.  A blast of emerald energy fired from it's body and Superman narrowly dodged it, then winced in pain.  His words confirmed Jimmy's suspicions.  

"K-kryptonite..."

"Destroy Superman!" the green assailant announced menacingly.  As it landed on the roof Jimmy could see it more clearly now.  It looked like a woman, with spiky shocks of what passed for hair coming out its head.  Superman was now doubling over with the creature this close to him.  He tried to back away, but it raised a slender hand to prevent his escape.  

"Superman, watch out!" Jimmy shouted, as he jumped to his feet.  He could see Superman try to warn him away, but Jimmy didn't slow down, tackling his friend and knocking him away from the monster's verdant hands.  

Then he fell over the ledge.  

The creature snarled at Jimmy for denying its prey, and he turned just in time to see the last of Superman's cape disappear behind the building.  "Oh, shi--"

His reaction was cut off by the arrival of a small flying machine with a loud motor.  It looked like something out of Dr. Suess.  Dutifully, Jimmy raised his camera and snapped a picture of the craft, just as Washuu opened the cockpit and smiled triumphantly for the photo.  

"You might want to clear the area, Mr. Olsen," Washuu called.  "That's my latest invention for pest control, and I wouldn't want you to go sterile for the sake of a good picture."  

Jimmy backed away from the green thing reflexively.  Kryptonite was fatal to Superman, and its deadly effects weakened him almost immediately, but the alien mineral was still radioactive, and a chronic exposure could be just as pernicious to humans as uranium ore.  Then again, Jimmy figured, after all the times he'd been around Green-K, any damage to him had already been done.  "Call off your goon, lady," Jimmy yelled defiantly.  "I'm betting I don't stand a chance out here, but there's no way I'm letting this creep near Superman."  

"Creep?! I'll have you know that this is my greatest development in artificial intelligence in five thousand years!" Washuu fumed.  "You think it's EASY to adapt electronic motherboards to manipulate a construct composed of a radioactive material?  To synthesize an unstable inorganic compound, then shape it into an aesthetically pleasing form?"  

"Easy for you, Washuu!" a small robot cried out from her shoulder.   

"Nothing's too hard for a GENIUS!" the other robot concurred.  

"Still, I don't appreciate you taking shots at my work!" Washuu went on.  "Not when Krypto-Ryoko represents the finest in anti-Superma-aa-AAA-aaaaaahhhnnnn!"  

Washuu started screaming in panic when Superman rammed into the underside of her machine at top speed.  Jimmy caught a quick snapshot just before they went too high for him to make out.  

"Destroy Superman!" Krypto-Ryoko snarled, clenching its fists at Jimmy.  

"Oh, boy..." Jimmy whimpered.  Before he could attempt an escape, the monster was suddenly struck with an I-beam flying out of nowhere.  Caught off balance, Krypto-Ryoko stumbled and fell off the side of the _Planet_ Building, making a beeline for the street.  

"Thanks for giving me an opening, Jimmy!" Superman called from above the roof.  "You'd better head back inside now!  And give the S.C.U. a call.  This may be more than even I can handle!"  

Jimmy didn't have to be told twice.  Whatever Superman had done with Washuu, it wouldn't take her long to get back into the fray.  And he'd already used up all his luck with those two just to buy Superman a breather.  He dashed for the steps to the building, and wondered just how bad all that radiation was for camera film...

***

"So this was a ROBOT?" Tenchi asked.  "You're SURE about this now?"  

"Positive," Superman answered. "During the fight I was able to confirm that the creature was made up of mechanical parts."  

"OK, then THAT'S settled," Tenchi sighed nervously.  "I can DEFINITELY say that Ryoko--the REAL Ryoko--is flesh and blood.  Geez, you had me worried there for a minute."  

"Same here," Superman replied.  "Like I said, this Kryptonite version seemed to only possess a rudimentary program, so I didn't hesitate to give it everything I had.  But why would she pattern a robot after one of her friends?"  

"Well, she's not exactly 'friends' with Ryoko," Tenchi said slowly.  "She CREATED Ryoko.  I guess she figured if she was going to build a weapon out of Kryptonite, she wanted to pattern it after something familiar.  Personal touch, I guess.  You're not buying this, are you?"  

"Let's just say we would have all been a little better off if she'd just expressed her sentimentality with a nice quiet photo album or something," Superman groaned.  

***

Kryptonite!  

They all talked big, but when the chips were down, every last one of them always resorted to Kryptonite.  It was the common denominator among Superman's enemies.

Of course, in Washuu's case, he had to give her credit.  The stuff was made up of radioactive fragments of the exploded planet Krypton, only a handful of which landed on the Earth.  Most of the Kryptonite on the planet was either safely stored in Superman's own custody, or in the possession of Lex Luthor, who preferred to use what little he had as a defensive measure against him.  

Attempts to synthesize it always came up short, resulting in materials that were painful, but not toxic, or substances that had had entirely different effects, such as that nonlethal red derivative the Batman once designed.  

Or some hood would just grab a rock and steal a can of phosphorescent paint and try to bluff him.  So he had to admit that Washuu wasn't just another pushover.  She'd either located her own supply of Kryptonite, or she'd successfully manufactured her own through some chemical process.

It was still the trademark of a hack.  Granted, Krypto-Ryoko was composed of the genuine article, that much was certain, as she struck him with a blast of radiation, and he barely managed to ward her off with heat vision before she could move in for the kill.  But for all her speed, strength and agility, fighting her was no different from duking it out with Metallo.  Or the Parasite, for that matter, since physical contact with him was equally dangerous.  
 
"Destroy Superman!" Krypto-Ryoko stated.  

An I-beam smashed square into her head in response.  "Take a number," Superman replied.  

Already the automaton was recovering from the blow, and preparing for another attack.  Superman backed away carefully.  The trouble was that he couldn't rely on his entire arsenal of super powers.  Hitting the creature with heavy objects was barely slowing it down.  He tried a blast of arctic breath, covering Krypto-Ryoko in a solid mass of ice.  

And she stopped.  

The crowd that had gathered on the sidewalks interpreted this development as a victory for their champion, and soon a loud cheer rose up from the people.  A few of the more daring onlookers now began to move out into the street to get a closer look at the villain, or to congratulate their hero.  Superman raised his arms and shook his head.  "Stop!" he shouted.  "That thing's radioactive!  And it may still be--" his ears perked at the nearly imperceptible sound of motors vibrating, straining to force against some impeding object.  The almost silent cry of ice as it began to crack and crumble apart.  

And just like that, Krypto-Ryoko was free once more.  "Destroy Superman!" she repeated, slowly advancing towards him.  

Once again, he withdrew.  He should have been able to take advantage of that moment of immobilization, but there was no way he could go near that Kryptonite hull of hers.  He considered retreating, looking for some way to protect himself against the radiation, but given her reaction to Jimmy he couldn't be certain that Krypto-Ryoko wouldn't lash out at innocent civilians as soon as he left.  

That left heat vision.  Focusing his eyes on the center of the monster's body, he let loose a pair of infrared beams, hoping that he could either damage its internal workings, or at least incinerate the Kryptonite into some less toxic material.  

He never got a chance to find out, though, as his target suddenly blinked out of sight before the heat vision could hit its mark.  "Gone?  Did she somehow know what I was about to do?" he asked aloud.  

His speculation ended as a white hot pain stabbed him in the back.  At least that was what it felt like to him.  Superman went flying into a nearby deli window, and landed in a booth covered in broken glass.  

He was dizzy from the punch, and he wasn't feeling much better now.  Apparently Krypto-Ryoko wasn't far behind.  Superman raised his head to see his foe leering over him from the shattered windowpane.  Suddenly, a shot rang out, and the emerald creature was knocked off its perch.  

"Hey, stay away from Superman, ya dippy broad!  I'd be outta business today if it wasn't for him!"  

Krypto Ryoko stood up slowly and bared her green teeth at the new antagonist.  He simply readied his shotgun and fired again.   "You want somma this?  Well, do ya?"  

This time she got up more slowly, and backed off from the building.  The man took Superman's hand and helped him to his feet.  "Unh... thanks," he said weakly.  "But you'd better stay back.  That won't hold it off for long."  

"Nothin' doin'," the shopkeeper said gruffly.  "You stopped a couple hoods from setting fire to my deli a few years back, and no way am I gonna let some green bimbo do ya in!"  

"Hmmm, now this is an interesting find!"  Superman turned to see Washuu entering the dining area from behind the counter.  "Not to mention this breadmaker that bakes the dough in the shape of a pentagon, no doubt to prepare the so-called 'Superman Sandwich' that's offered on the menu here," she added, holding up an elongated machine.  "Definitely a sociological trend at work here!"  

"Hey, put that thing back!  And get outta my store, you little brat!" the owner shouted between busily reloading his shotgun. "Hey, wait a second, how come yer not blue like everybody else in this town?"  

"I suppose you've learned by now that Krypto-Ryoko has infrared sensors, and can see your heat vision coming before it even leaves your eyes," Washuu bragged.  "Of course, her teleportation power is fairly limited, so you still have the option of running away, but I doubt you'd want to do that while this guy's in her line of fire."

Krypto-Ryoko started to gain some confidence with her creator on the scene, and lumbered towards the wall of the deli.  

"You... you're right," Superman huffed.  "Call her off, Washuu.  I give up."  

"What?!" the deli owner said in shock.

"All riiiiigghhht!" Washuu cheered.  

In a split second Superman jumped to his feet, snatched the rifle from the shopkeeper's hands, opened it, pulled out the shells, and threw them, one after the other, into Krypto-Ryoko's eyes.  The impact shattered the emerald crystals and the shells smashed out the other side of her head.  

"The Winner: Washuuuuuu!--hey, wait a minute," one of her shoulderbots announced just as it realized what had taken place.

"Hey!" Washuu scowled.  "You said you'd give up!"

"And you said," Superman replied, grabbing Washuu at super-speed, "that you wouldn't harm anyone!" Before she could even blink, he threw her into the sky, then leaped out of the window himself to continue his attack on Krypto-Ryoko.  

"Burn!" he shouted, firing another blast of heat vision at the creature.  That kind of melodrama wasn't his style, but he was getting sick of this farce, and it was only a matter of time before Washuu returned to distract him.  So far, her only real weakness had been her unparalleled arrogance, but even she wouldn't be sloppy enough to let him keep the upper hand for long.  

Luckily, now that Krypto-Ryoko's eyes were irreparably damaged, his heat vision was eliciting the opposite reaction.  She couldn't find her target, so now she was forced to fly into the path of the beams until she could get to the source.  Sweat trickled down Superman's face.  He'd been fortunate to avoid any serious Kryptonite exposure up to this point, but the fight was beginning to take its toll on him.  He had to strain just to use his powers, and their effects were noticeably lessened.  He should have been able to hurl Washuu into orbit with the effort he used before, and the trick with the shotgun shells would have taken only half the time if he'd been at full strength.  And now, his heat vision was just enough to singe the exterior of Krypto-Ryoko's body.

"Destroy... Superman!" she groaned, weathering the heat as best she could as she slowly advanced forward.  Below her shattered eyes, a menacing grin etched across her face.  He had to change tactics.  Focusing his sight on a single point, he released a narrow beam of infrared energy onto her right arm.  It sizzled and smoked, and finally the entire limb dropped away from her body.  

"Now we're getting somewhere," Superman sighed.  While his adversary hung in midair to inspect the damage, he moved up to get away from the radiation.  He needed time to recover, not to mention reinforcements...

"'Sup, Big Blue.  You need me to watch your back?"  

Superman looked up to see a small golden robot flying towards him.  "Kelex!" he huffed.  "You're a sight for sore eyes."  

"I was in the middle of runnin' some dope tests for Doc John back in the Steelworks crib, Blue," Kelex explained.  "Took a little time to get unhooked from Johnny I.'s equipment, but the K-Bot is here and ready to represent."  

The Kryptonian servitor robot was part of the Fortress of Solitude the Eradicator created when it was on Earth.  While it was just a machine, Kelex had become almost a friend to Superman, and easily his favorite reminder of his Kryptonian heritage.  Of course, his speech program had been modified to assimilate with American teenage slang, but the loyal servant of the House of El still remained.  "Switch to Kryptonian language settings, Kelex," Superman commanded.  "Our enemy may be listening in, but her knowledge of Kryptonian dialects is roughly two hundred centuries out of date."  

Kelex paused, then nodded his misanthropic head in acknowledgment.  "<Default settings restored, master.  How may I be of service?>"

"<There's some kind of monster down there made of Kryptonite.  Artificial intelligence, but I can't get a closer look because the radiation interferes with my X-Ray vision.  Since your schematics were designed back when Krypton was becoming radioactive, your sensors should be able to compensate for the Green-K.  Am I right?>"

"<Correct, master,>" Kelex confirmed.  "<Then I presume you wish for me to examine the subject and uncover a weakness?>"  

"<Or keep it busy long enough for the SCU to arrive,>" Superman answered.  "<Heads up!>"

The man and machine flew apart just in time to dodge Krypto-Ryoko's lunge into the air.  He wasn't paying attention when it happened, but somehow she managed to repair her severed arm.  And even now, one of her eyes was slowly growing back into place.  "Don't tell me that you can synthesize MORE Kryptonite to create spare parts," Superman grumbled.  

"Destroy Superman!" was all he got in reply.  

"She's not much of a talker, I admit," Washuu called out.  Superman didn't even look to see her--he had expected her to come back eventually.  "But what she IS is a compact nuclear chemistry lab, capable of combining any nearby atoms into the heavier elements needed to synthesize her own regenerated limbs!  Y'know it might be smart to think about giving up."  

"And you might be smart to put your hands behind your head and kiss the asphalt!" Superman circled Krypto-Ryoko and looked to see that the Metropolis Special Crimes Unit had finally arrived.  SWAT teams had begun to cordon off the length of road, and a large truck carrying a slab of lead pulled up to the curb.  

"That's kind of a long drop for that, isn't it, Dan?" Captain Maggie Sawyer asked.  

"If that red-headed stepchild of Frankenstein couldn't handle it, they wouldna called for us to deal with her, Mag!" Dan Turpin replied.  He raised his loudspeaker and called her again.  "Now I'm givin' you the count of three to land that contraption, or a tanned backside is gonna be the LEAST of yer worries!"  

In the sky, Superman was busy eyeing the slab of lead on the truck.  "<Jimmy must have told Captain Sawyer what I was up against,>" he said.  "<Now if I can just get this abomination close enough to use it--melt it around her to contain the radiation...>"

"<Inadvisable,>" Kelex broke in.  "<Preliminary analysis,>" he stopped long enough to dodge a blast of radiation from Krypto-Ryoko, "<indicates that her strength would be sufficient to force her way out of a coating of a metal as soft as lead.  Additionally, her onboard particle accelerator could easily be adapted to convert the atomic structure of the lead into something more dangerous.>"  

"<Like plutonium... or more Kryptonite...,>" Superman muttered.  "<Unless... Kelex!  Would it be possible to short out her systems?  A power surge, perhaps?>"

"<My own power cells possess more than enough energy to generate the necessary electric current, yes.  However, I would require a connection to the interior of the unit.>"

"<Coming right up,>" Superman promised.

"Three!  Open fire!" Turpin ordered.  At once, a hail of gunfire and energy blasts from sophisticated high-tech weapons went surging into Washuu's aircraft.  All of it bounced off harmlessly a few inches from its surface.  

"I HATE force-fields!" Turpin snarled.  "Gimme the good old days when the best a crook could do was dipping his fingers in acid to burn off his prints."

"Fascinating," Washuu observed from above.  "Superhero attracts supervillains... thus necessitating super-police officers!"  

"Don't waste your ammunition, Dan," Superman shouted over the ruckus of blue-skinned officers recharging and reloading their guns.  He landed onto the slab of lead with a thud.  "She's no threat. Isn't that right, Washuu?"  

"You gotta be kidding me!" Washuu protested.  "My inventions have been knocking you silly all day!  I'm the greatest scientific genius in the entire universe!  You're a circus strongman with movie-star good looks!"  

"Anyone can build a couple robots to tell you how great you are," Superman scoffed calmly.  "But let's face it, every third-string bank robber in long underwear would be on your level if they had access to your stash of Kryptonite.  And my own robot seems to be keeping yours occupied well enough."  

Washuu turned to find Krypto-Ryoko dogfighting Kelex, who was spouting entire dictionaries of taunts and insults.  "You best check yo'self fo' you wreck yo'self!  The K-Bot is all over your case with the quickness--"

She looked back at Superman.  "Haaahhh hahahahahahaaa--you IDIOT!  I don't have a STASH of Kryptonite!  I MADE it.  How do you think Krypto-Ryoko's been regenerating herself all this time?"  

"Smoke and mirrors," Superman replied.  "Impressive for what it is, but don't insult us with this elemental transmutation routine.  Not even my ancestors could accomplish that kind of nuclear change on this sort of scale.  Why, I bet you couldn't even turn lead into gold."  

Washuu was now livid.  "You're just trying some weak ploy to use that lead block to protect yourself!" she growled.  "Well, it won't work!"  

"Who needs this old thing?" Superman smiled, tapping the slab with his foot.  "I've got your monster under control.  Sawyer's men can take you down eventually.  Just live up to a little of your own hype."  He bent down and dug his fingers into the lead, tearing out a lumpy rod of the metal about six feet long.  He held it out to her patiently.  "Here, I'll go easy on you.  Just this one sliver.  Unless it's too hard for you..."  

"Show him what a genius can do, Washuu!" Shoulderbot "A" implored her.  

"Yeah, you're number one in the UNIVERSE, Washuu!" Shoulderbot "B" added.  

"You want gold?" Washuu shouted.  "I'll GIVE you gold!"  Reaching into a small hole that appeared right above her, she pulled out a tiny device and fired it at the staff in Superman's hand.  It crackled with energy, turning bright white for a second, then became a shining yellow color.  Superman felt its weight suddenly lessen, as every atom in the sliver had somehow given up a portion of its mass.  

"There!" Washuu snorted.  "Satisfied?"

"Very." Then, faster than the eye could see, he launched the golden spike like a javelin, sending it straight into Krypto-Ryoko's chest.  "<NOW, Kelex!>" Superman shouted, and the small robot quickly produced an apparatus from its trunk and connected it to the end of the gold spear.  Krypto-Ryoko began to pull on the end that had embedded into her body, but before she could make a real effort she began to convulse wildly.  Electrical energy poured through the conductive metal and finally sparks started flying from the emerald robot's body until it crumbled and fell harmlessly to the ground in pieces.  

Washuu looked on in horror.  "Y-you tricked me!  I don't believe this!" she whined.  Before she could say anything more, she saw Superman suddenly floating next to her, then he snatched the device from her hand and crushed it between his palms.  

"I don't think we'll need this any more," he said, brushing the debris from his hands.  "You've proven yourself to me beyond a shadow of a doubt."  

She gnashed her teeth in frustration, as Kelex returned to his master's side.  "It's all good, Blue.  That playa hata has experienced total systems shutdown," the small robot announced.   

All at once Washuu smiled peaceably.  "Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.  I suppose there's no need to be a sore loser about it, really," she said humbly.  

"This isn't a game, Washuu," Superman scolded.  "You could have killed someone with all this technology."  

"Oh, I'm REAL sorry, Superman, honest.  Here, lemme give you something to make up for the trouble I caused." She bent down and reached for something under her seat, then came up with a glowing green arm. "Here!"

Inexplicably, a blast of radiation fired from the severed limb, striking Superman right in the chest.  He fell from the sky and landed clumsily onto the roof of an SCU all-terrain vehicle.  Kelex descended at once to come to his master's aid.  

"Superman!" Sawyer gasped.  "Open fire!  Keep that perp off him!  She's got Kryptonite!"  

The officers resumed firing on Washuu's craft, but this second onslaught was just as ineffective as the first.  Casually, Washuu lowered her airship to Superman's prone body, carefully maintaining a steady stream of Kryptonite radiation.  "Good thing I picked this up after you cut it off Krypto-Ryoko, huh, Kal?" she bragged.  "And now that I've got your undivided attention, I can make sure you won't interfere with my work here in Metropolis."  

Kelex tried to defend the fallen hero, but she simply touched him on the head with one finger and he fell to his master's side.  "And your little windup toy, while I'm at it."  Her gloating devolved into manic giggling, and despite the shower of gunfire, she raised Superman and Kelex with a tractor beam and opened a dimensional gateway a few feet ahead of the craft.  

"Stop her, ya jerks," Turpin shouted.  "She's gettin' away!"  But there was nothing they could do, and in seconds the portal had closed shut behind them.  

"This is Sawyer," Maggie called into her police radio.  "The suspect has escaped. Repeat: the suspect has escaped.  Be advised that the suspect has taken a hostage..." she paused in disbelief at what she was about to say next, "...Hostage identified as Superman.  Over."

NEXT: There Goes the Neighborhood