1. After you've seen me drive, this reminder wont really be necessary; wear your seat belt!
2. I reserve the right to charge any beautiful passengers a toll.
3. The OS handles are not supposed to have hand prints crushed into them.
4. Fiddling with the radio will have the same consequences as molesting the cigarette lighter; immediate and lasting pain.
5. No food or drinks are allowed if you don't bring enough to share.
6. The bumper is your friend; the grill hurts a lot more.
7. Smooth braking is a privilege, not a right.
8. Only I can make rude gestures at a driver bigger, meaner, or more erratic than me.
9. Don't even think that the ash trays imply something.
10. I can only fit one body in the trunk at a time, so be prepared to share the back seat.
11. If you stand too close to the car, your feet are fair roadway.
12. Don't complain to me about the a/c being set too high unless you already have someone holding you to ward off the chill.
13. The hood is not a seat unless I've just rammed you with it.
14. If the back seat is used beyond its original purpose, I don't want to find any nail prints, tooth marks, or stains.
15. You don't have to pitch in for gas anymore than I have to maintain the passenger side air bag.
16. There are certain songs that were not meant to be sung along with.
17. No more than 3 people are allowed to a seat.
18. If you give directions worse than mine, any pit stops, freeway tolls, or international tariffs are on your tab.
19. Comments on my speed will have the same effect as bragging about your jogging ability.
20. The sun roof is not an exit.
21. The game of Slug Bug does not entitle you to break anyone's bones.
22. Please don't leave the car while it's still in motion; it's hard enough to dodge cars on the freeway without having to reach over and shut your door too.
23. If you key my car, I'll car your keys (preferably while they're still in your pocket).
24. Keep a majority of body parts in the car at all times.
25. Don't cut me off and spin me into a bus when I know where you live or I'll damn kill your family.
This is what happens when idiots drive.
(Don't even go for the obvious reply...)
