BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DO PEACH CREEK It was noon in the cul-de-sac. The street was mostly deserted. A large diesel truck filled with junk drove by. It drove over a bump, and a few knick-knacks fell out, along with a couple of boys. One of the boys, a young teenager with braces, sat up groaning and rubbing his head. The other, a young lad with wild blonde hair, remained laying on the ground, muttering something inaudible. BUTT-HEAD: Get up, dumbass. BEAVIS: Heh heh m heh heh. That was cool! BUTT-HEAD: No it wasn't. Don't you know why we hitched a ride in the first place? BEAVIS: No. Wait...umm...no. BUTT-HEAD: Uh huh huh huh. You said it was Death truck! BEAVIS: But I swear I heard it talk! M heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh, that was the driver! BEAVIS: Heh heh...Death Truck as a driver? BUTT-HEAD: No. That wasn't Death Truck. If it was, it would've, like, taken us to the secret government place where they made it. BEAVIS: Yeah, then we could've trashed it! Heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Great job, bum-wipe! Now we're moroned! Uh huh huh. BEAVIS: Err, don't you mean marooned? BUTT-HEAD: Yeah, something like that. Huh huh huh. BEAVIS: M heh heh. Well, the ride was,like, short? So we can't be too far from home. BUTT-HEAD: Let's go. They started walking up the block. BEAVIS: M heh heh. Hey, Butt-head? Doesnt' this place look familar? BUTT-HEAD: Yeah! Huh huh huh, it looks like the place from that movie we saw the other day. BEAVIS: Yeah, 'Nightmare on Elmo street' or something, heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. I bet Freddy comes out of nowhere and guts you like a fish! BEAVIS: That would be cool. Heh heh heh. As they are walking, they spot a little boy playing with a piece of wood on the curb. BUTT-HEAD: hey, Beavis, check it out! That boy's got wood! Huh huh huh huh. BEAVIS: Heh heh m heh heh. The boy, who was known as Jonny, noticed the two strangers walking down the block and ambled over to introduce himself. JONNY: Hiya! You two are new in town! I'm Jonny, and this is Plank! BEAVIS: You're, like, holding your wood. Heh heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh. Jonny scratched his head in confusion. JONNY: I don't get it either, Plank! BUTT-HEAD: Hey, kid. Can I see your wood for a second? Huh huh...wood... JONNY: His name is Plank! BUTT-HEAD: Uhhh...whatever, uh huh huh. Come on, butt munch-let me see him! JONNY: (hesitant) Well...okay, but play nice! BUTT-HEAD: (snatching Plank) Huh huh...you want me to play nice? Butt-head raised one knee up and thrust Plank down onto it, breaking him in half. JONNY: OHMYGOD! BEAVIS: Give it, Butt-head! heh heh. I've got an idea... He snatched Plank's remains out of Butt-head's hands, took out a lighter, and set poor Plank on fire. JONNY: PLANK! BEAVIS: F-f-fire! Fire! Heh heh heh! Before Beavis could finish ranting, Jonny delievered a swift kick in the nuts, causing him to involuntarily drop a still-smoking Plank. Jonny picked the smoldering pieces up and ran. JONNY: Don't worry, old buddy! There's glue and salve in the garage! Meanwhile, poor Beavis was on the ground curled up in a fetal position. BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh, that little kid kicked you in the nuts! BEAVIS: (gasping for air) M heh heh. As soon as I can get up, I'm gonna find that little bunghole and kick his ass! BUTT-HEAD: Uh huh huh huh. Beavis, you're such a liar. You couldn't even kick an old lady's ass! BEAVIS: Hey, that one time doesn't count-that old fart new tai-bo! Heh heh m heh heh. He eventually got up, and the two continued on their way. BUTT-HEAD: Hey, I just got an idea...lets go look for chicks. Huh huh huh Huh. BEAVIS: Yeah, with killer thingies! M heh. BUTT-HEAD: We're going score before we go home. Uh huh huh huh. BEAVIS: Cool! Heh heh heh. They continued walking up the block until they saw two young children having a picnic on their lawn. BEAVIS: Hey, Butt-head, M heh heh. Check it out! It's, a couple of Ozzy's midgets! What are they doing here? BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. Those aren't midgets, dumbass. They're, like, kids. Young ones. BEAVIS: Oh. Oops. Heh heh... they LOOK like Ozzy's midgets though. BUTT-HEAD: Maybe one of those kids know where we can find some girls! BEAVIS: Heh heh, one of them looks like a fruit! BUTT-HEAD: Must be your long-lost brother! Huh huh huh. BEAVIS: Shut up, dillweed! Heh heh heh. They approached the unsuspecting children. BUTT-HEAD: Uhh...hey. Huh huh huh. Jimmy and Sarah looked up to see the two adressing them. SARAH: Yeah? Who the heck are you? JIMMY:(whispering to Sarah) These two look like troublemakers, Sarah! BUTT-HEAD: Little kids are dumb. Uh Huh huh huh. SARAH: Shut up! BUTT-HEAD: Hey. Don't push it, butt-hole. BEAVIS: Heh heh heh, yeah. Like, respect your elders or whatever! Sarah was furious. SARAH: I'll teach you hoodlums some respect you... BUTT-HEAD:(annoyed) Screw the small talk! I'm gonna kick your ass! Sarah tackled Butt-head, and the two started fighting. Jimmy was trembling and covering his eyes, while Beavis watched them go at it with gusto. BEAVIS: CAT FIGHT! Heh heh m heh heh. Sarah may be tough, but Butt-head had a lot more fighting experience, and was about five years older. Sarah was knocked to the ground bleeding and crying within a matter of seconds. Butt-head turned his slit-eyed gaze towards Jimmy, who was about to soil his pants in fright. BUTT-HEAD: Tell us what we wanna know, and we won't have to kick your ass, too! JIMMY: Anything! Just name it! BUTT-HEAD: Tell us where we can find someone to score with! Young, naive little Jimmy didn't know what Butt-head meant by 'scoring', but he certainly didn't want to get pounded for not having the answer they were looking for. He figured they meant 'score' as in scoring goals in sports, so he referred them to the neighborhood jock. JIMMY: Kevin can score with you! BUTT-HEAD: Kevin? BEAVIS: Heh heh heh. Okay. Where do we find Kevin? JIMMY: Over there! (He pointed to Kevin's house) BEAVIS: Uhh...okay. Heh heh. Jimmy grabbed Sarah and ran off, while Beavis and Butt-head headed towards Kevin's house. BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, you dumbass. Why were you, all like, 'okay'?! Kevin is a dude's name! BEAVIS: Heh heh, yeah. But sometimes girls have boy's names. I knew a chick named Billy in the 3rd grade. BUTT-HEAD: Cool. Uh huh huh huh. They reached his house and saw Kevin fixing a bike on the front lawn. BEAVIS: AWW! SICK! He IS a dude! KEVIN: Hey! Who are you two clowns, and what are you doing on my lawn! BUTT-HEAD: Uhh...This is Beavis. I'm Butt-head. Where are the chicks? KEVIN: Beavis? Butt-head?! What were your mothers high on when they named you?! BEAVIS: Grass, I think. Heh heh heh. KEVIN: There ain't any chicks here anyway! BUTT-HEAD: DAMMIT! Stupid little kid, telling us to come here! KEVIN: Now get lost, I have work to do. BUTT-HEAD: Uhh...what if we don't want to go? KEVIN: Then I'll MAKE ya! Kevin tried to attack Butt-head, but Kevin was never very strong to begin with. Butt-head held Kevin down, while Beavis punched him in the gut. BEAVIS: Heh heh m heh heh. What a wuss! BUTT-HEAD: Now tell us where we can find a chick to score with. Beavis stopped punching him, ambling over to Kevin's bike. KEVIN: (to Butt-head) Hell no! I ain't talking! BEAVIS: Heh heh, nice bike... Beavis sat on the bike and gripped the handlebars. BEAVIS: Mind if I trash it? KEVIN: NO! I mean, YES! I mean, get your hands off my wheels! BUTT-HEAD: Our prisoner refuses to talk. Huh huh huh. Do what you will, Beavis. BEAVIS: Yeah! Cool! M heh heh. He started to grab the bike by the back and drag it over to the street. KEVIN: NO! I'll tell you where to find a girl! Her name's Nazz! She lives over there! (He nodded in the houses' direction) Just don't touch the bike! Beavis left his bike alone. Butt-head let go of Kevin. BUTT-HEAD: A hot chick? Huh huh huh. We're there, dude! They both started off towards Nazz's house. BEAVIS: Hey, Butt-head? Did he just say her name was 'Nads'? Heh heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: I think so. Huh huh huh. Nads... BEAVIS: Hey, Butt-head! I'm about to get a 'head' in life! Heh heh m heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Let's go play with 'Nads. Huh huh huh huh... They made it to Nazz's house. Beavis rang the door bell. BEAVIS: Hmm heh heh. Check it out. I'm "pushing her button". Heh heh heh. DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG! Nazz answered the door. Beavis and Butt-head immediently looked her up and down. BUTT-HEAD: Aww! Her thingies are, like, microscopic. BEAVIS: Oh well. She'll 'do'. Get it? Do? Heh heh m heh heh. Needless to say, Nazz was already repulsed by them. NAZZ: Can I help you? BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. You sure can, baby! BEAVIS: Let's, like, play doctor! Heh heh heh. NAZZ:...Who ARE you two? BEAVIS: (blushing and sweating) I'm ...umm....err... BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh. My name's Butt-head. Remember that name, cause you'll, like, be screaming it later. I'm the best in bed, so I'll go first. BEAVIS: M heh heh. Shut up, liar! The only girlfriend you've ever had is your pillow! NAZZ: To be honest, I don't give a damn. She slammed the door in their face. BUTT-HEAD: What a bitch! Uh huh huh huh. BEAVIS: This place sucks! BUTT-HEAD: Yeah. Let's go home, at least the girls have bigger hooters there. Butt-head took out the cell phone he swiped from Mr. Van Dreissen when suddenly- SARAH: There they are! Those are the jerks that beat me up! Sarah, Jimmy, and the Eds were running towards them. ED: No one beats up MY baby sister! EDDY: Man, I can't believe someone had the guts to take on Sarah... EDD: And win! BUTT-HEAD: Uh huh huh huh. That kid in the green jacket looks like he ate his veggies! BEAVIS: Yeah. Well, I sure as hell didn't. Heh heh m heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Let's kick his ass! Ed ran toward them, fists flailing. Beavis and Butt-head took him head on, and the three got into a violent fist-fight. Eddy, Sarah, and Jimmy watched nervously, lest they get caught in the fray. Edd, however, had diffrent ideas. If there is one thing he hates, it's violence. EDD: STOP! STOP IT! You'll kill eachother! BEAVIS: Heh heh heh. That would be cool. BUTT-HEAD: Yeah? Well how about we kick YOUR ass instead? ED: Hold on, there! EDD: No! Stop! Wait! Butt-head picked up Double D by his hat (which somehow, as always, managed to stay on) EDDY: Now you've done it, Double D! BUTT-HEAD: Shut up, butt dumpling. Uh huh huh. EDD: Please do not cause me any serious bodily harm! I have insects to take care of! That caught Butt-head's attention. BUTT-HEAD: Insects? BEAVIS: Did you just,like, say 'insects'? EDD (expecting the worst) Why, yes. I did. BUTT-HEAD: Wow! Cool! BEAVIS: We do that thing, leci...lepti...lepi...uhh... EDD: Lepidoptery? BEAVIS: Yeah, what you said, M heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: We got butterflies, centipedes, cockroaches... uhh, bugs... EDD: My! Well, I should show you my extensive butterfly collection! EDDY: Did I miss something? BEAVIS: Can we, like, see your bugs? Edd looked at his friends for approval. Eddy was too worried about provoking them to disapprove, and Ed didn't seem to care. Sarah, however, wasn't quiet as quiet about her contempt. SARAH: (to Ed) HEY! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THESE TWO LOSERS UP! ED: I was? EDDY: (to Sarah)Take a flying leap! JIMMY: Come on, Sarah. Let's get out of here before things get hairy. Jimmy gently grabbed Sarah by her arm and led her off. Butt-head let go of Double D (Who went crashing to the ground) And the boys went to Edd's house. ________________________ BUTT-HEAD: Heh heh heh. Hey, Beavis! Check this out! The boys were in Double D's room. The Eds were sitting on the bed eyeing Beavis and Butt-head nervously, while Beavis and Butt-head were looking around in Double D's room. BEAVIS: Oh, cool! There's,like, a skull on your desk. BUTT-HEAD: Is it real? ED: Price check on prune juice! EDDY: (quickly) Don't mind Ed, he's always like that. Double D took out a couple of his jarred insects for Beavis and Butt-head to see. EDD: Gentlemen, I present to you two of my prized specimens- a fly larvae and a daddy longlegs! BEAVIS: Heh heh, cool! BUTT-HEAD: Hey...can I see one of your bugs for a second? He swiped the spider out of Double D's hands before he could reply. EDD: Oh, dear! Please be careful! Butt-head ran downstairs with the jarred bug, snickering. Edd ran after Butt-head. When he finally caught up to him, he saw Butt-Head holding a magnifying glass to a de-legged Daddy longlegs, next to an empty jar. BUTT-HEAD: Mr. Van Dreissen showed us how to use this magnifying glass for science. Huh huh. Bugs don't like science. Beavis, Ed, and Eddy caught up with the two and witnessed the deed. BEAVIS: Cool! Medium rare, or well done? Heh heh m heh heh. Double D was speechless. His eyes welled with tears Beatrice! I raised her from an egg sac...and you...you... BEAVIS: 'sack' Heh heh m heh heh. Eddy rolled his eyes. EDDY: You just HAD to get him started, didn't you? Butt-head glanced at the object of his sadistic pleasure. BUTT-HEAD: Beatrice? With a name like that, I probably put her out of her misery. Huh huh huh. BEAVIS: M heh heh. Wait, how do you know it's a girl? BUTT-HEAD: Maybe he checked. Uh huh huh huh huh. Edd slowly walked towards Butt-head and the spider. EDD: How...how could you? BUTT-HEAD: She's in, like, spider heaven now... BEAVIS: Yeah, like the 'big web in the sky' or whatever! Heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: What if she was a bad spider? Then she's going straight to spider Hell. EDD: You two are going to- Suddenly, an all-to-familiar cackle was uttered from what seemed to be nowhere. EDDY: Oh, God, no! EDD: Not now! ED: Gravy? The Kanker sisters appeared from behind a nearby bush. LEE: Well, well! If it isn't the three stooges! MAY: And look-more boys! BEAVIS: (whispering) Hey, Butt-head! Look! Chicks! BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh. There IS a God! EDs: KANKERS! The three ran like hell. MARIE: Should we chase 'em, Lee? LEE: Not today, girls- we have fresh meat here! BEAVIS: You said 'meat' Heh heh m heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Hey, baby. You want to go, like, do something? LEE: Ohh, yeah! MARIE: I want the one with braces! MAY: I want the blonde! BEAVIS: (whimpering) I want my mommy! BUTT-HEAD: Don't wuss out now, we're about to score! LEE: Let's take these hunks to our trailer and show 'em some lovin! They walked to the trailer park. The two boys approved of the Kanker's trailer the second they saw it. LEE: Welcome to our humble abode! BEAVIS: Cool! When this trailers' rockin', don't come a knockin! Heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. That was cool. They all went inside. MARIE: Well, cutie, let me go upstairs and slip into something more comfortable! BUTT-HEAD: Uhh...okay. Uh huh huh. Beavis, meanwhile, couldn't start anything until he ate. All the walking made him hungry. BEAVIS: Hey, do you have anything to eat here? MAY: Sure! Go into the kitchen and help yourself! BEAVIS: Cool! Heh heh heh. He went into the kitchen and started going through the shelves. BEAVIS: Crap...crap...crap...healthy food...crap... Finally, he found what he was looking for: The sweet storage! Marie, meanwhile, came back downstairs in a skimpy nightie. MARIE: Ready, big boy? BUTT-HEAD: Uh huh huh. Let's do it! He was about to kiss her when a banging sound was heard from the kitchen. KANKRES: What was that? Beavis came out from the kitchen with his shirt covering his hair. BEAVIS: I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE! LEE: The what? BEAVIS: ARE YOU THREATENING ME? M heh. YOU DO NOT WANT TO FACE THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE! KANKERS: TERRORISTS! MARIE: They must have Al Quaida ties! MAY: And the matching suit to go with it! LEE: RUN FOR IT! The three fled the house. Beavis, meanwhile, was in his own little world, ranting and not paying any mind to Butt-head, who was extremely pissed. BUTT-HEAD: YOU DUMBASS! You just ruined our chance to score! BEAVIS: Do you have any Olio? ~END~ (re-visit the “Fan Fics” section to see more stories!) Back to Fanfics