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THERE'S NOTHING TO ED
EDDY: Okay, okay, how do you say that again?
EDD: Como tu estas! Try to say that, Eddy.
Eddy was trying to do his spanish homework in his room with his friends. School has started in Peach Creek, and in the 8th grade the homework was as harder then ever!
EDDY: ARGH! SCREW IT!
Eddy slammed down the notebook in a fit of temper.
EDDY: There’s GOT to be an easier way to learn this crap!
EDD: Patience, presistence, and study are the keys to knowledge, Eddy!
ED: I have a thought!
EDD: (muttering) I’ll buy you a card to commemerate the moment...
Ed pulled out a dusty old record from the bowels of his green jacket labeled “Learn Spanish”
EDDY: ...Ohhh, no! No way!
EDD: Eddy, considering the position you're in I'd be more willing to accept help. Unless you know how to explain a ‘F’ to your parents, of course...
EDDY: Alright, alright! I’ll try the stupid record!
The record was put on Eddy’s record player. A rather disgruntled lady’s voice came from the record.
WIERD VOICE: Good day, Hola, and welcome to “Learn Spanish!” First, we will work with breakfast!
“Please pass the milk” - “Pasame con leche por favor!” Now you try!
Edd and Eddy didn’t say anything but Edd gave Eddy a gentle nudge; this was his homework, after all.
EDDY: “Pass, uh, me cone leechie por faver”... hey, I think I’m getting the hang of this foreign language stuff!
ED: Yo tengo el gato en mi pantalon!
WIERD VOICE: Very good! Now for silverware...ware...ware...waaaaaaaaa..a.rrRRR..eee rrrrrr..
The record is banged about a bit (courtesy of Ed) to try to get it working again, but it obviously croaked it’s last spanish phrase.
EDDY: Bah, they can flunk me if they want, I’m done with this BS!
EDD: No, Eddy! Don’t throw away your education like that! Maybe someone else in the cul-de-sac an tutor you in spanish!
EDDY: Well, it’d better be free...
First they went outside and saw Sarah on her way to Jimmy’s house.
EDDY: Hey, Sarah, can you speak spanish?
SARAH: uh huh...and pigs will fly out of my butt!
ED: I don’t see any pigs, baby sister!
SARAH: Ed! You're scaring me!
The Eds next looked towards Rolf for assistance.
EDD: Greetings, Rolf! I know you are quite busy, but could you please assist Eddy in spanish class?
ROLF: Rolf would like to help you, couch potato Ed-boys- but Rolf speaks no spanish!
They tried Jonny next. Jonny was sitting alone in the grass, in a conversation with his inatimate friend.
JONNY: What’s that, Plank? The Eds at 2 o’clock? Where? (Plank sees things, remember?)
Sure enough, they came into view a few seconds later.
EDDY: Hiya, Jonny-boy! Do you know how to speak spanish?
JONNY: Sorry, Eddy...I’m not good at other languages...what’s that plank? Plank says “que te den por culo, caberon”...whatever that means!
They were even desprate enough to ask Kevin and Nazz (who were together, as usual)
EDDY: Hiya Kev! D’ya know how to speak spanish?
KEVIN: Get lost, El Dorko!
EDDY: Do you, Nazz?
NAZZ: Sorry boys, I took French!
Defeated, the Eds went to Ed’s stoop to sulk.
EDDY: What can we do? No one will help us learn Spanish!
Jimmy and Sarah were playing outside Ed’s house, and Jimmy overheard the comment and excused himself from Sarah to amble over to where the Eds were.
JIMMY: Pardon, but do any of you need help in Spanish?
Eddy raised an eyebrow.
EDDY: YOU speak Spanish?
JIMMY: Si, senor. Profesor Jimmy tu ayuda costa un dolar!
EDDY: What?
JIMMY: I'm charging a buck.
EDDY: Screw that! Seesh, I can teach myself for cheaper!
JIMMY: Oh well, if youre content with flunking...
EDDY: WAIT!
Although he was a buck poorer, Eddy learned enough spanish to do his homework.
EDDY: That sucked. That dollar could've been spent on so many things...jawbreakers, gum, one of those cool balls from the 25 cent machines...
ED: What about tomorrow's spanish homework, Eddy?
EDDY: Tomorrow?! ¡Aye, mierda!
~END~
(re-visit the “Fan Fics” section to see more stories!)
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