Frank and I have always loved butterflies. On vacations we often visit botanical garden exhibits and have added perennials to our own garden over the years to attract the winged beauties. Therefore it should have come as no surprise to me that the butterfly, and not the ladybug as some follow for good luck, should be our sign of a referral.
As many know, if they have read our adoption journey thus far, we sent our application into our agency on June 14, 1997. During our dossier gathering my birth certificate was lost for three days in the mail and a very kind and wonderful postal worker named Vanessa helped me out, especially since I was freaking out big time! For fun I looked up her name thinking maybe it was significant. Vanessa means "butterfly."
During the month of September I began to feel restless, our paperwork was done although not yet sent to China, and it was time to settle in for the long wait. On my lunch hour one day I decided to go to BJ's Warehouse Club. I all of a sudden had this strong desire to "buy something", anything for our child. While there I found a very cute outfit-her first of many! I recorded the day as September 11, 1997. I remember one day Frank asked me when I thought our child was born and I had a strong pull toward September AND I believed the age of our child at referral would be 9 months so I said 9/11 and asked him to remember that date.
It was also in September that my girlfriend Maria's sister Lisa and her husband Pete announced they were expecting a baby. Her due date--June 14, 1998. One year to the day we sent our application in to our agency. At this point I told them about red threads. We all agreed that this was one if there ever was one!
Throughout the wait Lisa and I spent countless hours discussing our babies, nursery decorating, names, clothes, etc. It was uncanny that although her body was physically changing, our experiences and emotions were incredibly similar....if you don't believe, ask our husbands! :) Never once did I feel any different in my "pregnancy." Well, one difference I got to have a drink during our many home movie nights, a definite advantage!
Frank and I began discussing names early on in our wait. I would say a name, he would hate it. He would say a name, I would hate it. One day I thought of the name Morgan and I really loved it. I thought for sure Frank would hate it as he had all the others I had suggested, especially since it was somewhat different. So I kept it to myself. We were up in the baby's room (it was the computer room at the time) and we were working on something when all of a sudden he said "What do you think of the name Morgan? One of my student's name is Morgan and I think it's a great name" I almost fell over and told him that I had been thinking of that name for weeks, but thought for sure he wouldn't go for it. From then on Morgan was the forerunner even though we would try out other names. Of course picking out a middle name was another matter and we could not agree, came up with "possibilities" and decided to wait and see what her Chinese name would be and try and incorporate it. That was until one day about a month ago when on our way up to my in-laws Frank needed to pull over he was so overcome with emotion. He suggested "Frances" and I agreed that was a perfect name. In Frank's family the name Francis Joseph has been passed down from generation to generation, Frank's grandfather, father and Frank. Perfect! So now we had a whole name, but still agreed to incorporate her Chinese name if it seemed to fit.
As our wait began to shorten I began to get ready for our summer programs at the library. This is always a busy time and this year all of the branches decided to do a special project based on a grant one of the local schools had received. We were to raise caterpillars, plant butterfly gardens and then let the butterflies go when they reached maturity. This sounded like great fun. We received our butterfly kits and I sent away for our mailorder caterpillars. I decided that I would buy the plants but have our librarian, who works with our teen group, plant and take care of the garden. As luck would have it the librarian got sick the day of the planting and none of the teens showed up. Therefore it was up to me to plant the flowers. I decided to wait and used the planting as part of my 3-5 year old story hour time. We had a blast!
A few days later the tiny caterpillars arrived. My story hour group became enthralled, as did my staff and some adult patrons. We watched them grow from teeny, tiny caterpillars into big caterpillars until they finally cocooned. It was an amazing process!
It was during this time I started to become extremely anxious at work because I knew "the call" should arrive any day. Every time the phone rang I jumped, but no call. I had it all pictured in my head. I would get the call, track down Frank and we would rush to our adoption agency 15 minutes away. I began to worry that our SW might tell me too much, before Frank got a chance to hear. Would I be able to not ask questions until Frank was with me? I hoped so.
June 14 was fast approaching and my girlfriend Maria predicted that Lisa would have her baby on June 10. We laughed and said wouldn't it be funny if we got our call the same day, but that time came and went with no call and no baby. However, on June 14 my mom had my surprise baby shower which I'm sure is a manmade red thread and planned accordingly by my mother!
Another week, no call, no baby. I talk to our SW on Thursday, June 19, to tell her that we will be attending the FCA picnic on June 27. She tells me that our agency facilitator is coming back from China on Friday and she will call me on Monday to let me know if she has found out anything. All day Monday I wait for a phone call and nothing. However, we are all on red alert because Lisa has gone into the hospital. This could be it....a baby! Also Monday morning I walk over with a coworker to check on the progress on our butterflies. I see the cocoons, but as we get closer we jump....there on the floor of their home our five newly hatched butterflies, all trying out their wings. What a sight! I get a visit from a patron who also happened to adopt a chinese baby from our agency. She has been on pins and needles trying not to call me to find out if we got news... I tell her no not yet. She is symphathetic and says this part of the wait if by far the worst
I come home from work and Frank has to leave to do some summer school teaching. I eat supper, call Maria and her husband Tyler to find out the status on Lisa..nothing yet, but she's in labor. Hurray! I remember that my niece has asked for photos of the family because she is putting together a slide show for a family gathering. I start going through tons of photos stored in the guest room ( I am the family photographer!) and begin reminiscing. Frank comes home while I am going through the photos and we ooh and ah over pictures of our dog Bailey when she was a puppy. I remember there are more pictures and so I go downstairs and start going through them while Frank gets something to eat.
During this activity the phone rings. I pick it up fully expecting it to be Maria saying Lisa has had her baby or they are going to do a C-Section on her. Instead it's our SW. Her first words " So do you want to hear about your daughter?" My reply " Are you serious?!" Her's "I never joke about something like this" She starts telling me the details and I remember that I have a paper with questions on it and ask her to hold while I get something to write on. Of course Frank saying "Shouldn't you be writing this down?" helped! It was so amazing that after all those weeks of imagining how the call would take place, that Frank and I would actually be together when it happened. I couldn't have asked for more! I could not believe how calm I was and how relieved. When she said her birthdate was September 30, 1997 and she was 9 months old, well I was shocked, only off by 19 days! However, what's kind of weird is that she was brought to the orphanage on October 11, 1997. Maybe that's where I got the 11?
Our SW asked when we would like to pick up her picture. I said that I would love to come now but knew that was impossible (SW was home) so we decide that we will come sometime early morning. Frank and I had to do some work first....gotta pay the bills! After getting off the phone I glance over at the pictures I had been going through before my world turned upside down. There on top was the picture I have on the web of me going to the post office to drop off our application on June 14, 1997. Uncanny!
After the call we of course phone our parents. They are thrilled and have tons of questions, many of which we can't answer. My mom is on pins and needles and doesn't think she can wait until we get the picture. Me I'm still calm and not having the picture doesn't really bother me. I am just so happy to finally KNOW! We decide to run next door and tell Maria and Tyler our good news (Not only is Maria my best friend from college, but we are also neighbors). Only Tyler is there and we tell him the news before I realize Maria is not there. But, right on cue the phone rings and it's Maria calling to inform that Lisa is being wheeled into the OR to have a C-Section. Our laughing wish from a few weeks before has come true. Baby and referral all in one. What a day!!!
The next day Frank and I decide to meet back at the house at 11:30 a.m. I don't say anything to my co-workers since we have not told all of our family yet. We talk on the way to the agency and I begin to think about the picture. I am still calm, I have not cried, not once, me who cried buckets throughout this whole process. I simply feel peace and happiness.
We go up to our agency and look down the hall. I am shocked to see my library patron friend from Monday talking to our SW. She has come for a meeting. I run up to her and we hug. Everyone is SO excited. I think "well, there's one phone call I don't have to make!" Our SW says it's time to meet our daughter. We go into her office and she holds up some paperwork and turns it over. There is our Morgan and she is beautiful! Just like our SW said she was. My first thought and I blurt it out "She looks like a Sweeney!!" Frank agrees. She looks vaguely like baby pictures of other Sweeney family members. How ironic. Everyone says your baby will be familiar to you and one look at this picture and I knew it was true. We signed our acceptance of Qin Feng, asked some questions and then left our agency. While there our SW commented on the fact that I haven't stopped smiling and it's true!
After we left our agency we went to the nearest Kinkos Copy Center. What else?! The man who waited on us had this thick Irish brogue that I found hard to understand and I've been to Ireland! The part that really worried me though was his name tag. It said "trainee" I became very anxious and Frank told me to relax. I was so worried that this man was going to do something to my "baby" But all turned our well, the man was incredibly nice and accomodating and we left with gobs of pictures. :)
Next stop a celebratory lunch, something we had planned weeks ago when we finally received the call. True to our Irish heritage but really our love of microbrewery beers, we went to a local restaurant, Southport Brewery. Frank grabbed a picture of Morgan and proped her up on the condiments near the end of the table. We ordered our beers and toasted to our new daughter. What a great feeling!! And me still calm AND smiling.
After our waitress looked curiously at our table a few times we spilled the beans. Talk about a couple adults acting like goofy kids, we were it to the hilt. Needless to say our waitress was thrilled and thought it was so neat.
Weeks before the referral I had begun work on the web page that would announce to the world our daughter. I also decided to make a few paper announcements for family and close friends. When we got home I scanned our daughter and added her to the page. We agreed (during lunch) that Morgan Frances Feng Sweeney would be her official name. We decided that when she was older she could decide which "F" middle name she would like to use. How convenient that her Chinese name had the same initial?! I printed up the insert for the announcements, added her picture, and "wa la" a first present for the chomping- at- the- bit grandma whom we finally called to come on over and meet her grandaughter. Needless to say her response "we'll be right there!"
Once my parents arrived (they live 3 minutes away!) we called Frank's parents and one sister to tell them she was up on the net. Way before the referral my 13 yr. old niece asked we do that so they could see her right away. We also called my sis-in-law in England, one of my brothers who lives locally and my other brother who is stationed (Navy) in California. Frank next called his other sister in Maryland, who because of other circumstances had at that very moment the rest of Frank's sisters and brothers, niece and nephews over the house. One sister lives in South Carolina. How wonderful for them all to be together for this very special occasion. It was a great feeling to know that everyone was practically seeing her at the same time, all over the world. And boy were they excited. They emailed back, printed out her picture, showed friends on and on and on. This is one happy family! :) My MIL (who is in her 70's although you would never know it!) told everyone in church the next day that she became a grandmother over the internet *grin*
Still calm the next day I went to work and arranged to have the announcement posted at each of our library branches. I also sent an internal email. Five minutes after I sent it I got my first congratulations from a co-worker. A co-worker, Allison, who is from China, a co worker who informs me her Chinese name is "Feng" and who also informs me she is from "Nanjing" the same city Morgan is from. Red thread? You decide.
During the last month of the wait I felt this was the hardest by far. I also knew there had to be a reason why. I feel the coincidences and "red threads" are the reason(s) why our referral came when it did and looking back I wouldn't change a thing. This is Morgan's story and what a great and glorious story it will be to tell!
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