So many axes to grind. So much to get off my chest. This page - of letters which I have sent, over the years, to various newspapers - is one of the reasons why I first decided to develop my website. Granted, you won't agree with all of them, but I hope you will appreciate the thoughts - sometimes humorous - which went into them.
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Sent to New York Daily News columnist David Bianculli on November 11, 1998:
"On Monday you commented on the dearth of Extras so far in this current T.V. season. Fear not, because on the following night's (November 10) episode of 'Mad About You,' we got one. Paul's father Burt proudly remarked that he had seen a celebrity in the lobby of the Buchman's building. After a guessing game, he revealed that it was none other than Olympia Dukakis. Certainly, actor Louis Zorich, who portrays Burt Buchman, should not be surprised to have seen Ms. Dukakis, since she's been his wife for 35 years."
Acknowledged on ...:
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Sent to New York Daily News columnist David Bianculli on ...:
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Acknowledged on February 9, 1999:
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on October 24, 1999:
"Unless or until it's put into the proper context, when sportscasters mention the Atlanta Braves' 'rocker,' I can't tell whether they're referring to reliever John or to their annoyingly animated pitching coach Leo Mazzone. Is this merely a coincidence, or could it be part of a plot by Ted Turner and company to drive us baseball fans off our collective rocker?"Not printed
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on April 17, 2000:
"At this point in the Eliαn Gonzalez saga, it appears that the only chance his Miami relatives have to keep him is to continue their waiting game and hope that Juan Miguel Gonzalez slips up and refers to his son in Homer Simpson terms as 'the boy.'"
Printed (with modifications) on April 21, 2000:
"At this point in the never-ending Elian Gonzalez saga, it appears that the only chance his Miami relatives have to keep him is to continue their waiting game and hope that Juan Miguel Gonzalez slips up and refers to his son in Homer Simpson terms as 'the boy.'"
Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on ...:
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"To Voicer Eileen M. McBride: Forget about buying savings bonds through banks. You can buy them online at www.publicdebt.treas.gov/. I speak from personal experience when I say it's much more convenient because there's no paperwork, they accept credit cards and they're open 24 hours."
Comment: Just trying to be helpful.
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on January 30, 2001:
"I can't understand all the uproar over the cost to taxpayers of Clinton's post-presidential office space. After all, rents here in his home state of New York are considerably higher than those in a state such as - oh, for example - Arkansas."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on February 6, 2001:
"Clinton has indicated that, among other things, he would write several books in his new-found free time. I suggest that he collaborate with his spiritual mentor Jesse Jackson on a guide describing how to attract women, have your way with them, and then avoid the stigma of such tawdry affairs. Considering that each of them has demonstrated that he's a master of that clever feat, it's destined to become a best-seller."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on February 21, 2001:
"President Bush has been in office for over a month, and he has made not even one traffic-snarling visit to our town for fund-raising purposes. I feel so neglected!"
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Comment: Just sarcasm. Lighten up, Francis!
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on March 4, 2001:
"Listening to the testimony to Congress of former White House staffers, we should be thankful that there were no crises - for example, terrorist acts - in the final days of the Clinton administration, considering that his attention was so focused on granting pardons. May Mary Jo White be tenacious in her investigation of these matters, because this ex-President has shown himself to be as slippery an eel as there ever was."
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Sent to New York Daily News columnist Mike Lupica on March 10, 2001:
"What do you think of the likelihood of this scenario? Ex-Met El Sid gets picked up by the Yankees, winds up in the starter's role, then pitches a no-hitter for them."
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Comment: Sort of like another ex-Met pitcher David Cone being signed by the Yankees several years earlier, and pitching a perfect game for them. As of the writing of this letter, the Mets - even with some fine pitching since their inception in 1962 - had not achieved a no-hitter.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on March 28, 2001:
"Regarding Attorney General Ashcroft's remarks about Clinton's controversial eleventh-hour pardons, the ex-President indicated that he hadn't heard them but "if it was bad, he knows better." However, when it comes to Clinton and H-Rod, if it was bad, they never knew better - and still don't."
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Comment: For the record, H-Rod is Hillary Rodham Clinton. Get it?
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on June 2, 2001:
"I am a Mets fan, and I still believe that they can, should, and maybe even will play consistently respectable baseball with their current staff - hopefully soon. However, for their disappointing performance and 12-17 record last month they have my vote for this year's Stinko de Mayo Award."
Printed (with modifications) on June 10, 2001:
"The Mets can can, should and maybe will play consistently respectable baseball with their current staff. However, for their disappointing performance and 12-17 record last month, they have my vote for this year's Stinko de Mayo Award."
Comment: I was particularly proud of my wordplay of "Cinco de Mayo" and "Stinko de Mayo." I was and still am really pleased that, even with the edits, it was shared with the readers. I hope that they appreciated it - and that they overlooked the News' typo of "can can."
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on June 4, 2001:
"The jury is still out on alleged damage to offices in the Old Executive Office Building by outgoing Clinton staffers. If it is confirmed, can we count on Rep. Anthony Weiner to pick up the tab?"
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Comment: As I recall, Rep. Anthony Weiner openly mocked the claims by Bush personnel of damage to offices by Clinton staffers.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on June 18, 2001:
"I'm not a New Jersey resident, so please forgive me for putting my two cents in here. Recently I've been seeing television ads for New Jersey gubernatorial hopeful Jim McGreevey which close with a shot of a mock highway sign reading "McGreevey NJ Governor." Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's my belief that hanging such a sign, even briefly, over a road isn't legal. I'm curious about who authorized this."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on July 22, 2001:
"The G8 Summits, always convened in some populated city, invariably attract throngs of demonstrators, resulting in clashes with local police. Wouldn't it be more prudent for these meetings to be held on an isolated island in the middle of some ocean?"
Comment: You must admit that it made a lot of sense when I sent the letter, and it's even more on-the-mark now since there's a heightened awareness of terrorism in our midst.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on August 7, 2001:
"So ex-President Clinton, the Great Prevaricator, will be receiving a huge advance for penning his memoirs. Reportedly over $10 million, it would be the largest such amount for a work of nonfiction. Nonfiction. Yeah, right."
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Comment: I'm truly insulted. They printed this letter with similar intent on August 12, 2001:
"Where should I expect to find Bill Clinton's book? In the fiction or nonfiction section?"
Did they prefer the other writer's succinctness, or were they put off by my "Great Prevaricator" reference?
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on August 12, 2001:
"Boo-hoo! The mighty Yankees, the best team that money can buy, have finally met an opponent who they can't run roughshod over, MLB's head disciplinarian Frank Robinson, who has leveled the playing field for the other clubs. Keep up the good work, Mr. R."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on August 24, 2001:
"To all those Voicers who have bemoaned the fact that they couldn't vote a third time for Clinton in the last presidential election, there is another politician with comparable credentials available for you to recruit. Condit in 2004!"
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on September 1, 2001:
"Alas, as a result of his dishonesty and deceptiveness, Rolando Paulino was banned for life from participating in Little League. Might I suggest that former President Clinton - who has a lot of free time - step up and offer to take the leadership of the Bronx league which Paulino built up? It would certainly make for a seamless transition of power."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on September 10, 2001:
"I agree wholeheartedly with Voicer Ray Butler's assessment of Ed Murawinski's illustrating talents. He is truly gifted, consistently capturing the features of his subjects. Would you please find a way for him to provide a caricature of UFT President Randi Weingarten?"
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Comment: This letter was understandably ignored due to the events of the following day.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on September 11, 2001:
"Those jubilant displays of West Bank Palestinians - including children - over those vicious acts of terrorism against us on Tuesday are abhorrent and sickening."
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Sent to Newsday's "Letters" on September 12, 2001:
"Those jubilant displays of West Bank Palestinians - including children - over the vicious acts of terrorism against us on Tuesday are abhorrent and sickening. To take such joy in the suffering of others is not human, and the civilized world community should take note of it."
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Comment: A variation of the previous note.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" and Newsday's "Letters" on September 20, 2001:
"Members of the Moslem community were understandably upset by President Bush terming our upcoming efforts a 'crusade' against terrorism. It would be significant if those same voices were to express similar outrage whenever radical Islamic groups wrongly describe their attacks on us as being part of a holy war."
Printed by Newsday on ...:
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on September 28, 2001:
"For several days, Afghanistan's Taliban rulers declared that 'we have no knowledge where Osama bin Laden is.' Then, as if by magic, they indicated that they did know his whereabouts. Could it be that they suddenly realized what our definition of '"is' is?"
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Comment: I guess they didn't find the humor in my thinly-veiled reference to President Clinton's famous remark about the definition of the word "is."
Sent two versions to Newsday's "Daily Rant," one on September 29, 2001, and the other on September 30, 2001:
"Ranter [Ranter], you sanctimonious Yankee fan, do you mean to say that you would never boo Mariano Rivera if he were to blow a game with playoff significance, as unthinkable as that might be? Fortunately your team hasn't been in such a situation in several years, but thank you for your opinion."
"Ranter [Ranter], you sanctimonious Yankee fan, I'm sure that Mariano Rivera would be thrilled to know that you would never boo him if he were to blow a game with playoff significance, as unthinkable as that might be. Fortunately your team hasn't been in such a situation in several years, but thank you for your opinion."
Neither version printed
Comment: In response to a letter to Newsday's "Daily Rant," I dashed off the first letter late that night. Not satisfied with the strength of the sarcasm in my first effort, I decided to punch it up a bit. Needless to say, neither one made it into print.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on October 10, 2001:
"So the Taliban has lifted its restrictions on Osama bin Laden, giving him the freedom to wage a 'holy war' against the U.S. How comforting it is to know that you had reined in the Al Qaeda on September 11."
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Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on October 25, 2001:
"In my opinion, Rudy Guiliani has been a terrific mayor, exemplified most notably over these last several weeks. But it rubs me the wrong way that he never fails to find a way to ram his rabid Yankee-mania down everyone's throats. And for the record, a Yankee victory in this year's World Series is not necessarily the balm to sooth an ailing New York. Rah-rah!"
Printed (with modifications) on ...:
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Comment: Shame on me. I misspelled "soothe."
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on October 29, 2001:
"Regarding your headline 'Is It A Mad Scientist?': How long will it be before the sickos who blamed Jews for the September 11th attacks on America claim that the antrax letters are the work of a mad Zionist?"
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Comment: Maybe they didn't appreciate - or didn't comprehend - my not-so-subtle wordplay of "scientist" and "Zionist." Or maybe they figured I was just another illiterate nut, because I couldn't even spell the word "anthrax." (In my haste I didn't bother to eyeball the letter before sending it, as I usually do. Shame on me.)
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" and Newsday's "Daily Rant" on November 5, 2001:
"The end of the civilized world is surely upon us because the Yankees didn't take it all this year. I'm pretty sure that this is all documented in the prophecies of Nostradamus. Heed the warnings and prepare for the Apocalypse!"
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Comment: Just sarcasm. Lighten up, Francis!
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on November 6, 2001:
"To Voicer Andrew Schulman, who indicated that the proceedings surrounding Bill Clinton's impeachment might have been enough of a distraction to our federal government to allow Osama Bin Laden and his cronies to flourish: I have read that Clinton was 'obsessed' with getting Bin Laden. If he had been as obsessed with that task as he had been with handing out Get Out Of Jail Free cards, the events of September 11th would have remained the stuff of spy thrillers."
Printed (with modifications) on November 8, 2001:
"To Voicer Andrew Schulman, who indicated that proceedings surrounding Bill Clinton's impeachment might have kept our government from focusing on Osama Bin Laden: I have read that Clinton was 'obsessed' with getting Bin Laden. If he had been as obsessed with that task as he had been with distributing Get Out Of Jail Free cards, the events of Sept. 11 would have remained the stuff of spy thrillers."
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on December 5, 2001:
"What ever became of that odd pairing of former political rivals Bill Clinton and Bob Dole which was forged shortly after the September 11th terrorist attacks, to raise money to fund scholarships for victims' children? Here's my take on this: Clinton recalled seeing Dole in a certain TV ad for Pepsi, and thinking that Dole had an 'in' with Britney Spears suggested the alliance. When he realized that that wasn't so he dropped the project like a hot potato. Easy, boy!"
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on December 9, 2001:
"So now the whereabouts of former Taliban leader Mohammed Omar are not known. The U.S. government should offer a reward for information leading to his apprehension, as it is doing in the case of Osama bin Laden. We should drop leaflets stating 'Bring us the mullah, we'll give you the moolah!'"
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Comment: On December 14th, after reading that the U.S. decided to offer such a reward, I planned to send a variation of this letter to the New York Post. In the process of verifying the facts, I found that the Post printed a story by Niles Lathem entitled "Moolah on Mullah's Head" that day. Since my wordplay had already been used, I didn't send the letter.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" and Newsday's "Daily Rant" on December 15, 2001:
"It used to be that you had to accomplish something of significance - like win a World Series - before you would be given a key to the city. Now all you have to do is sign a huge contract with the Yankees, as Jason Giambi did, in order to receive that honor from outgoing Mayor Giuliani. What? No ticker-tape parade?"
Printed in the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on December 23, 2001, without changes
Comment: I was pleased to see that I wasn't the only one who was outraged at Giuliani's casual bestowal of this honor on Giambi.
"Mayor Giuliani's recent exemplary performance notwithstanding, he has gone overboard with his Yankees favoritism. What has Jason Giambi done to earn a key to the city, other than accept a ridiculous amount of money to play a game?"And on December 29, 2001, they printed this one from Barry Jacobs of Brooklyn:
"Heroic firefighters and police officers received the key to the city after Sept. 11. That's appropriate. But Jason Giambi? What has he ever done for N.Y.C.? He hasn't even played a game here yet! It is wrong to devalue the city's highest honor."
"Memo to those who are complaining about Rudy Giuliani giving the key to the city to Jason Giambi: Rudy told Giambi he would get his key when the Yankees win the pennant in 2002."
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on January 2, 2002:
"So what's taking so long? You'd think that by now the Pope would have declared Rudy Giuliani a living saint. Since so many others have practically deified him lately, it seems that it's only a matter of time that the Catholic Church will bestow its highest honor upon him. The ex-Mayor himself rattles off tales of numerous miracles for which he was personally responsible in his eight years of office."
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Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" and Newsday's "Letters" on January 16, 2002:
"In retrospect, it's a good thing that the New York State Legislature didn't entertain the suggestion of His Rudy-ness to remain in office beyond the expiration of his term. Who knows what kind of backroom spoils the Yankee Fan-in-Chief would have bestowed upon his beloved ball club and its crosstown rivals? Is he on Steinbrenner's payroll yet?"
Printed (with modifications) in Newsday's "Letters" on January 23, 2002:
"In retrospect, it's a good thing that the New York State Legislature didn't entertain the suggestion of Rudy Giuliani to remain in office beyond the expiration of his term. Who knows what kind of backroom spoils the Yankee fan in chief would have bestowed upon his beloved ball club and its crosstown rivals? Is he on George Steinbrenner's payroll yet?"
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on January 25, 2002:
"Last July, after the G8 Summit in Genoa, you printed a letter of mine in "Voice of the People," suggesting that future gatherings be convened in an isolated location. Now I understand that the World Economic Forum will be held at the Waldorf-Astoria, smack dab in Midtown Manhattan. Why do I suspect that it was Rudy's bright idea to lobby for this event? I can hear him now: "This will be a godsend for the city, because it will bring in much-needed revenue." From what? The fines levied on all the arrested protesters? Forget about the cost of police and emergency-services overtime. And if the argument for holding the forum here is that it will bring "prestige" to our town, New York has more than enough cachet without it. The headaches that it will cause anyone in the immediate area and beyond aren't worth it. Thanks, but no thanks."
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Comment: Too lengthy for the Daily News? They probably needed the space to print one of those vital thank-you-for-saving-my-cat-stuck-in-a-tree letters!
"Thanks, economic honchos of the world, for inviting chaos, security problems and radicals to New York City by staging the World Economic Forum here. Just what we need during the period of healing after Sept. 11."
"To whoever decided that the World Economic Forum should take place in midtown Manhattan: Thanks a lot. You're doing wonders for New York's economy, particularly for the businesses blocked off by police barricades so diplomats or economists can have a five-day vacation to talk about the state of affairs."
Oh, and I should point out that there's one "Voicer" (I won't divulge his name.) who frequently gets his letters printed, not just in "Voice of the People," but in Newsday's "Letters" and the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum." (Probably in other papers, as well.) My guess is that he constantly inundates the local papers with his letters, so the odds then would be pretty good for his letters to get published often. But I'm not bitter. No, sirree.
Sent to Newsday's "Letters" on January 25, 2002:
"I understand that the World Economic Forum will be held at the Waldorf-Astoria, smack dab in Midtown Manhattan. Why do I suspect that it was Rudy's bright idea to lobby for this event? I can hear him now: "This will be a godsend for the city, because it will bring in much-needed revenue." From what? The fines levied on all the arrested protesters? Forget about the cost of police and emergency-services overtime. And if the argument for holding the forum here is that it will bring "prestige" to our town, New York has more than enough cachet without it. The headaches that it will cause anyone in the immediate area and beyond aren't worth it. If any lesson is to be learned from past gatherings of world economic leaders, it is that such a meeting should be convened in an isolated location, and certainly not in a densely populated and heavily trafficked one."
Printed (with modifications) in Newsday's "Letters" on January 31, 2002:
"The World Economic Forum will be held at the Waldorf-Astoria, smack dab in midtown Manhattan ["NYPD Preparing for Economy Protest," Jan. 24]. Was it Rudy Giuliani's bright idea to lobby for this event? I can hear him now: "This will be a godsend for the city, because it will bring in much-needed revenue." From what? The fines levied on all the arrested protesters? Forget about the overtime costs of police and emergency services, the headaches it will cause anyone in the immediate area and beyond aren't worth it. If any lesson is to be learned from past gatherings of world economic leaders, it's that such a meeting should be convened in an isolated location, and certainly not in a densely populated and heavily trafficked one."
Comment: Kudos to Newsday for printing two of my letters within a period of just nine days.
(Score: Newsday 2, New York Daily News 0)
Sent to Newsday's "Letters" on February 20, 2002:
"After the recent visit to our town by the World Economic Forum, I'm amazed to read that some individuals - including Mayor Bloomberg - are still interested in bringing the Summer Olympics games here. One can only imagine the chaos it would cause in 2012 or beyond, as no doubt more security will be required for each such affair, and on a geographically wide scale. The economic benefits to a host city, however, are dubious. My advice to the New York Olympics boosters: Be careful what you wish for. You - and all your neighbors - might get it."
Printed (with modifications) in Newsday's "Letters" on February 24, 2002:
"After the recent visit to our town by the World Economic Forum, I'm amazed that some individuals, including Mayor Michael Bloomberg, are still interested in bringing the Summer Olympic Games here. I can only imagine the chaos it would cause in 2012, as more security would certainly be required for such an affair, and on a geographically wider scale. The economic benefits to a host city, meanwhile, are dubious. My advice to the New York Olympics boosters: Be careful what you wish for. You - and all your neighbors - might get it."
Comment: That's four consecutive letters which I have sent to Newsday's "Letters" which they have printed, dating back to September 20, 2001.
Now one little nit-picky thing: I'm fully aware that Newsday reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. So I'm somewhat bewildered by their changing my "Mayor Bloomberg" to "Mayor Michael Bloomberg." That part of their editing causes more space to be taken up, so I guess that they believed that it would be clearer to readers by adding the mayor's first name. Didn't want people to get him confused with any other mayor named Bloomberg.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on February 28, 2002:
"Having a jet-setting billionaire, Michael Bloomberg, as our mayor is like the citizens of Gotham City electing Bruce Wayne as their town's chief executive. Could Hizzoner be so sensitive about the press looking into his weekend whereabouts because he's a crime-fighting vigilante in his spare time? But seriously, I believe that the media should honor his request to not pry into his private affairs. Let's give him that much slack."
Printed (with modifications) on March 2, 2002:
"Having a jet-setting billionaire as our mayor is like the citizens of Gotham City electing Bruce Wayne as their town's chief executive. Could Hizzoner be so sensitive about the press looking into his weekend whereabouts because he's a crimefighting vigilante in his spare time?"
Comment: I'm shocked that they actually printed this letter. I can only figure that their main editing guy was off, and that his assistant's assistant was in charge for the day. Whatever. They trimmed off the last two sentences, altering the full intent of the letter. But at least they left the best part.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on March 12, 2002:
"We can only hope that the Al Qaeda and Taliban forces battling us at Gardez honor their commitment to fight to the death. The last thing we need are more Guantanamo detainees who, when they eventually were to be released, would certainly be more hell-bent than ever to destroy us."
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Comment: I was a little late with this one. Operation Anaconda was winding down by the time I fired it off. For that reason I can't blame the editors for ignoring it.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on May 29, 2002:
"Why is it that the Islamic community chided President Bush last year for using the term "crusade" to describe our efforts against terrorism, but it is perfectly O.K. for Palestinians to name their children "Jihad?" I was just wondering."
Printed (with modifications) on May 31, 2002:
"Let's see if I've got it right: The Islamic community attacked President Bush last year for calling our war against terrorism a "crusade." But it's perfectly acceptable for Arabs to name their kids "Jihad," meaning holy war. Just wondering."
Comment: A news story reported that a Palestinian suicide bomber who attacked Israelis on May 27, 2002 was an 18-year-old named Jihad Titi - not the first one which I read about with that first name.
Boy, the editor of this section really did a number on my original letter. At least its spirit was left intact.
"To Voicer Peter P. Szabaga: The meaning of 'jihad' is not holy war. 'Jihad' means sacrifice. School is jihad. Work is jihad."This is the first time that I'm aware of anyone responding to one of my letters - including my name, as well. I try to go out of my way to not send letters that are so controversial that they would invite such responses - in this case by avoiding the actual use of the term "holy war," which the News staff stuck in there on their own, not helping my aim to keep it noncontroversial. But, as I indicated, the intent of the letter wasn't substantially altered, so I guess I had it coming. [Incidentally, although it's not a hard-and-fast rule, on those occasions on which I've responded to a letter I generally have not included the name of its writer. I'd rather not single out such an individual and possibly produce some ill will.]
But the way I read it, this fellow wasn't berating me - at least I hope he wasn't - so I won't take it personally. For that reason, I didn't reply to his letter. In any case, terrorists - or should I call them "freedom fighters" - have perverted the usage of the word "jihad" to their nasty ends. However, I maintain that the connotation of the word "crusade" when used by Bush should not have been considered offensive, and not referring to the epic battles for the Holy Land of the 11th through 13th Centuries. Maybe Bush should have called our efforts a "jihad" instead. (That would have gone over big for coalition-building, I'm sure.) There seems to me to be a double-standard in matters such as these, and playing the victim card rings very hollow.
"To Voicer Wally Ghuneim: Jihad means 'striving in the way of the Lord.' In Islam, the practice was to conduct raids against neighboring peoples. So Mr. Ghuneim, this is the definition of jihad, not sacrifice, as you stated."
Very well stated. What else could I add to that? Thank you, Mr. Cruz, for your support. What kind of a hornet's nest have I stirred up with my letter?
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on June 3, 2002:
"For those Voicers who are disappointed about the absence of Tim McCarver from local baseball broadcasts this season, you'll be thrilled to know that he's still yakking incessantly on Fox's Game of the Week each Saturday. And he's teamed again with that other Chief Running Mouth, Joe Buck. Do those two know-it-alls ever quit their blathering?"
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Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on July 3, 2002:
"I wonder what kind of numbers the great Bambino would have put up if he had worn the uniform of my beloved but perennially cursed New York Mets. And I wonder how long Roberto Alomar will be a member of the Amazins before he's no longer described as 'Hall of Fame-bound.'"
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Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on July 3, 2002:
"I'm very surprised. It's usually in August when the Yankees go into 'let's bolster up our staff for the pennant drive' mode. But I guess it's always the right time for them to go into 'let's lock up all available talent at any cost' mode. Must they be firing on all cylinders at all times? I hope that somehow it backfires on those selfish gluttons big-time this season."
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Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on July 30, 2002:
"I agree with Steve Sullivan about his dislike of Voicers' letters knocking those Dell Dude commercials. But what's more troubling is the fact that the News has deemed these pathetic rants fit to print, rather than giving their space to letters of true significance."
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Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" and Newsday's "Daily Rant" on August 4, 2002:
"With all due respect to Messrs. Bagwell, Biggio, and Berkman of the Astros, they've got nothing on the Mets' Killer B's, Jeromy Burnitz and Armando Benitez."
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Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on August 17, 2002:
"The 2002 New York Mets, The All-Non-Amazin' Team"
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Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on August 25, 2002:
"Now that the Mets finally have ended their 12-game losing streak, how soon will it be before they return to their sub-par play and it becomes clear to us Met fans that these wins are just what is known in financial circles as the dead cat bounce?"
Printed (with modifications) on August 28, 2002:
"Now that the Mets finally have ended their 12-game losing streak, how soon will it be before ... it becomes clear to us Met fans that these wins were just what is known in financial circles as the 'dead cat bounce'?"
Comment: For the record, the definition of "dead cat bounce" from the financial glossary at bloomberg.com reads "A small upmove in a bear market." I have taken it to mean a small deceptive uptick in an otherwise down market. In other words, don't get your hopes up that the market is going to rally - a perfect analogy for the Mets' woes again this season. One more little thing: Newsday misspelled my surname, Szabaga, as "Szbaba!"
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on October 8, 2002:
"Since Carl McCall continues to trail George Pataki in the gubernatorial race by a wide margin, and since there don't seem to be any 'McCall Republicans' bearing endorsements, I wonder if it's too late for him to bow out of the race. In that event, maybe - with probably minimal arm-twisting - Dems could persuade long-time New Yorker Bill Clinton to step in as a replacement candidate."
Printed (with modifications) on October 11, 2002:
"Since Carl McCall continues to trail Gov. Pataki in the gubernatorial race by a wide margin, and since there don't seem to be any McCall Republicans, I wonder if it's too late for him to bow out of the race. Maybe - with minimal arm-twisting - Dems could persuade New Yorker Bill Clinton to step in."
Comment: When the disgraced Bob Torricelli dropped out of the U.S. Senate race in New Jersey recently, he was replaced by Democrats by former U.S. Senator Frank Lautenberg.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" and Newsday's "Daily Rant" on October 8, 2002:
"The Yankees' defeat in the first round of playoffs is a godsend in at least one respect. In these tough fiscal times, our cash-strapped city has been spared the expense of yet another ticker-tape parade and its accompanying festivities."
Printed (with modifications) in Newsday's Sunday Sports section letters on October 13, 2002:
"The Yankees' defeat in the first round of the playoffs is a godsend in at least one respect. In these tough fiscal times, our cash-strapped city has been spared the expense of yet another ticker-tape parade and its accompanying festivities."
Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on December 9, 2002:
"Please don't get me wrong. With his Leiter's Landing organization, Al Leiter is without a doubt one of the most caring guys in professional sports. However, whenever I hear a sportscaster describe him as the Mets' 'ace' pitcher I wince. But with their acquisition of Tom Glavine, the Mets truly have a bona fide ace on their staff once more."
Not printed
Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on February 25, 2003:
"On Monday, MTV planned to hold tryouts for would-be rap 'artists' in its Times Square studios. The crowd of hopefuls supposedly got disorderly, and police arrested four individuals. So in short order the field of several thousand was whittled down to just four semi-finalists."
Not printed
Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on March 12, 2003:
"I wonder how many times in the last several weeks Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo thought to himself that sometimes the best deal is the one which is not made."
Printed (with modifications) on March 13, 2003:
"I wonder how many times in the last several weeks of the David Wells controversy Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo thought to himself that sometimes the best deal is the one which is not made?"
Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on March 13, 2003:
"There have been rumblings recently from Al Qaeda - presumably through their mouthpiece, the Al Jazeera Network - that they would target Americans and American interests here and abroad if we were to attack Iraq. Does this imply that if we were to not oust Saddam Hussein, we would no longer be subject to their terrorist acts? I seriously doubt it. It's just so much bluster from the group whose motto is 'A fatwa a day keeps the infidels at bay.'"
Not printed
Comment:
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on April 10, 2003:
"To the liberated people of Iraq: Ding-dong, the 'witch' is dead - or certainly powerless to hold you down anymore. To our brave troops, who have performed in an exemplary fashion: There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
Printed (with modifications) on April 12, 2003:
"To the liberated people of Iraq: Ding-dong, the witch is dead, or certainly powerless to hold you down anymore. To our troops, who have performed in exemplary fashion: There's no place like home."
Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Letters" on April 30, 2003:
"I find it extremely ironic that in your review of the film 'Spellbound,' which documents the experiences of eight youngsters who are participating in the National Spelling Bee, the word "chateaubriand" is misspelled - as 'chauteaubriand.'"
Printed (with modifications) in Newsday's "Letters" on May 5, 2003:
"Regarding 'Little Kids Really Cast an S-P-E-L-L' [Part 2, April 30]: I find it extremely ironic that in Newsday's review of the film 'Spellbound,' which documents the experiences of eight youngsters who are participating in the National Spelling Bee, the word "chateaubriand" is misspelled."
Comment: This nitpicking is inherent in me. I'm a former spelling-bee kid, similar to the ones in "Spellbound." I made it to the citywide championship in 1971, but was eliminated on the word "asylum." How's that for ironic?
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on July 15, 2003:
"First Mets GM Jim Duquette traded Alomar, then he dealt Burnitz. If he's going in alphabetical order, the good news is that Cedeρo should be the next to see the door; the bad news is that he somehow passed over Benitez."
Not printed
Comment:
Sent to Newsday's "Daily Rant" on October 13, 2003 and to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on October 17, 2003:
"Prediction: Several years from now the services of Pedro Martinez become available, and the Yankees pull out all the stops to sign him. Despite the Don Zimmer incident, he is lionized by his teammates and their fans, and all claims of him being a 'headhunter' are pooh-poohed by the Yankee faithful."
Not printed by either newspaper
Comment: Yankees fans certainly embraced Roger Clemens with open arms when he joined their club. How soon they forgot how they hated him for his inside pitching against the Bronx Bombers, first as a member of the Red Sox and later with the Blue Jays.
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Voice of the People" on November 13, 2003:
"In response to your front-page headline 'Where's The Head?': Apparently it's not on the shoulders of any of the Durst trial jurors."
Not printed
Comment:
However, this letter from Maureen Mallon of Brooklyn - which had pretty much the same idea - was printed on November 30, 2003:
"While the Galveston, Tex., police continue to search for the head of Robert Durst's victim Morris Black, they also should look for the brains of the 12 jurors who acquitted the killer."
Actually, I prefer Ms. Mallon's letter to mine.
"So Bernie Williams will likely miss Opening Day. I expect that the gluttonous Steinbrenner already has visions of landing Barry Bonds to fill the spot, regardless of Kenny Lofton's presence. Surely the lure of a World Series ring would coax Bonds to move from left field to center."
"So Bernie Williams will likely miss Opening Day. I expect that the gluttonous Steinbrenner already has visions of landing Barry Bonds to fill the spot, regardless of Kenny Lofton's presence. Surely, the lure of a World Series ring would coax Bonds to move from leftfield to center."
Sent to the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on May 27, 2004:
"I wonder how much of a bribe it would take for the IOC to not award the 2012 Olympics to New York?"
Printed in the New York Daily News' "Sports Forum" on May 30, 2004, without changes
Comment: Sent in response to their "Question of the Week" ("Do you want New York City to get the 2012 Olympics? Why?")