A Page About Nothing - The Personal Stuff

Just a few things of a more personal note.

For starters, let's just get out of the way the fact that "The Muffin Tops" is the only episode in which there's a reference to pizza bagels. Yay!

Here are some of my favorite episodes. In each of them the separate sub-plots are really woven together very cleverly, which - in my humble opinion - is a big reason for the show's success. (I must figure out a way to diagram the dynamics of each of these episodes.)

	• "The Wink"		I've maintained that this is my favorite episode, not just because it's a laugh riot throughout, but because it's extremely well crafted, in which each story line intertwines meaningfully with at least one other to form a coherent show. Healthy-eating Jerry spits "strange meat" into Grandma Memma's prized napkins and stuffs them into the pocket of his jacket, which Elaine wears home, causing dogs to chase her. Meanwhile, George's winking gives Kramer the wrong message about the Yankee-autographed birthday card for George Steinbrenner. There's also a cross-over plot involving Elaine and George: To evade the pack of dogs, Elaine winds up in the apartment of her current boyfriend, James, a wake-up guy. Her restless sleeping causes him to oversleep and fail to call George's co-worker, Mr. Morgan, on time. Thanks for mutton!
	• "The Pledge Drive"		Like "The Wink," the story lines come together very nicely. Good old paranoid, short-tempered George getting all bothered when he believes - rightfully or not - that people are giving him the finger. And the confusion of Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer at various points between high-talking Dan, his girlfriend Noreen, and Jerry's nana. (They did stories about a high-talker, a soft-talker, a close-talker, and even one who talks to her food, but never one about a fast- or a slow-talker. By the way, Kramer indicated in "The Heart Attack" that, as a result of some botched surgery, his friend Bob Saccamano is a high-talker.)
	• "The Calzone"		Great throughout, but it really kicks in when Kramer, running for a bus on a rain-slicked sidewalk, slips, causing his pockets, bulging with coins, to burst and spill their contents. Then, in Paisano's, when Kramer sees his oven-heated shirt charred beyond wearability and when the proprietor refuses to accept change for Kramer's order and a verbal tirade between them ensues, I lose it. Lastly, when Kramer pays Todd Gack for Jerry's Peruvian cigars by hurling a sack of change at him, it's just the icing on the cake. (Todd Gack. I'll bet you dinner that he was in a Dutch version of "Star Wars.")
	• "The Jimmy"		I think that it was pretty clever how they took advantage of the fact that there were two Georges - Costanza and Steinbrenner. So after George C. takes on Jimmy's idiosyncracy of talking in the third person, George S. reacts with confusion when he confronts the short, stocky one about recent thefts of Yankee equipment. But the capper, as far as I'm concerned, is at the episode's end when Kramer is serenaded by Mel Torm้ and joins him in a rousing rendition of "When You're Smiling." His facial expressions are priceless.
	• "The Gum"		This episode includes several funny situations involving the gang. The scene in which Kramer makes a big deal about the sanity of eating an ancient hot dog, then retching as he is about to promptly vomit that item, is the one which most sticks in my mind. I like the new goofy, post-institutionalized Lloyd Braun (also later seen in "The Serenity Now") - a nice contrast to the suave, cocky, in-charge Braun in "The Non-Fat Yogurt" episode. Could his stay in a mental hospital have changed him that drastically?
	• "The Rye"		Jerry's "Shut up, you old bag!" remark, the Beefarino jingle, and the colliding worlds of George - his parents meeting his future in-laws over dinner - are just three of the things which come to my mind. Oh, yeah ... the horse flatulence, too. Although the Elaine sub-plot about her latest boyfriend who "doesn't do everything" for her sexually pretty much stands by itself, the stories of the other three members of the gang hold together well.

For all it's worth, I remember Liz Sheridan as nosy neighbor Mrs. Ochmonek on the mid-1980s NBC series "ALF."

I saw the set of Monk's coffee shop at the American Museum of the Moving Image in Astoria, Queens. According to the museum's website, the set was installed from August 15, 1998 through November 11, 2001.

I got caught in sort of a Seinfeldian scene when I snapped a picture of the exhibit, and was chided for doing so by one of the security guards. I checked just to be sure, but I couldn't for the life of me find any sign indicating that photography - flash or otherwise - was prohibited. I should have reminded the security guard that we're living in a society!

I missed the original network airings of two of the series' classic episodes - "The Switch" on January 5, 1995, and "The Bizarro Jerry" on October 3, 1996 - because on those occasions I was forced to stay late at the office. Unfortunately for me back then the months around the turn of the year were my crazy time.

I know that I didn't see the pilot episode when it was originally broadcast. I don't recall ever hearing about it at that time (July 1989, after the regular season had ended and I was ignoring reruns of any other shows which I would have been following). But for whatever reason I was aware of what I believed was the premiere of the series, and watched the next four episodes, which first aired in May and June of 1990. (I probably saw promos for it at the tail end of the season.) At that point I hung on any news about the show's future, hoping that NBC would make a further commitment. The rest, as they say, is history.

My Seinfeld-related stuff:

	•		A cheap MetLife windbreaker		Unlike the one George mentions in "The Apology" that he was given, I don't think that I got mine as a ballgame give-away. I'm pretty sure that it was a gift for donating blood at one of the company's - my former employer's - drives.
	•		A Tweety Pie Pez dispenser		The same type which Jerry places on Elaine's leg in "The Pez Dispenser," it was given to me by one of my former co-workers, a fellow "Seinfeld" fan.
	•		"The Kramer" t-shirt		On the front is the "Seinfeld" logo over the heart; on the back is a reproduction of the painting for which Kramer posed in "The Letter," over which reads "The Kramer."
	•		"Frogfeld" t-shirt		On the front are four Muppets as the gang at a coffee-shop table (Kermit as Jerry, Fozzie Bear as George, Miss Piggy as Elaine, and Gonzo as Kramer), with "Frogfeld" in an imitation of the "Seinfeld" logo; it's blank on the back.
	•		"SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld		(ฉ1993, Bantam Books) Not really directly related to the show, but probably all of Jerry's stand-up routines which were featured on the show appear in this book, as well as many others.
	•		"The Entertainment Weekly Seinfeld Companion" by Bruce Fretts		(ฉ1993, Warner Books) Subtitled "Atomic Wedgies to Zipper Jobs: An Unofficial Guide to TV's Funniest Show," it consists of three parts: A nine-page introduction about the show by Lisa Schwarzbaum; a sixty-plus-page glossary of terms and references from the show; and an episode guide for the show's first four seasons, i.e., ending with "The Pilot."
	•		"The Seinfeld Universe: An Unauthorized Fan's-Eye View of the Entire Domain" by Greg Gattuso		(ฉ1996, Citadel Press)
	•		"The Seinfeld Aptitude Test" by Beth B. Golub		(ฉ1994, Citadel Press)
	•		"SeinOff: The Final Days of Seinfeld" by Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, and Jason Alexander; Photographs by David Hume Kennerly		(ฉ1998, HarperEntertainment) A photographic essay of the show's final days, it includes the tapings of "The Puerto Rican Day" and "The Finale."
	•		"The Seinfeld Scripts: The First & Second Seasons"		(ฉ1998, HarperPerennial) Can we safely assume that, due to lackluster sales of this effort, the rest of the scripts will not see the light of day in book form?
	•		"Seinfeld and Philosophy: A Book About Everything and Nothing" edited by William Irwin		(ฉ2000, Carus Publishing Company) This book - dedicated to Bob Sacamano - contains 14 essays by "Seinfeld" fans who happen to be professional philosophers. (To paraphrase George, who commented to Jerry in "The Marine Biologist" that he didn't even know that marine biologist was a job, I didn't even know philosopher was a job.) According to the blurb on the back of the book, they examine the ideas, the stories, the jokes, and the characters of "Seinfeld." The essays are grouped into four "Acts": The Characters, aka "The New York Four" Seinfeld and the Philosophers Untimely Meditations by the Water Cooler Is there Anything Wrong with That? The book concludes with these sections: What's the deal with Episode Lists? Episode Guide Who are these Philosophers? A Chronology of Some Big-Time Philosophers Who are these People? Notes on the Script Writers, aka the Contributors to This Volume Index of Everything Aside: Essay 8, entitled "Wittgenstein and Seinfeld on the Commonplace," in Act II, is contributed by Kelly Dean Jolley. I wonder if the author has a close relative named Sven - Sven Jolley. Get it? Essay 9, entitled "The Costanza Maneuver: Is it Rational for George to 'Do the Opposite'?," in Act III, was, in my opinion the most interesting of them all - more "accessible" than the rest, and certainly very thought-provoking. I will probably re-read it. Lastly, the book contained numerous errors, at least regarding "Seinfeld." If there are any philosophy-related gaffes, I'm not sure. (I can consider myself something of an expert about "Seinfeld," but I'm admittedly clueless about philosophy.) For a list of the "Seinfeld"-related mistakes, see this page.
	•		Entertainment Weekly #381 (May 30, 1997)		The Ultimate Seinfeld Viewer's Guide Behind the Scenes of America's Favorite Sitcom Special Reports for the Trivia Obsessed! Every Kramer Entrance! Every Bowl of Cereal! Yada, Yada, Yada! PLUS: Reviews of All 148 Episodes! (i.e., ending with "The Summer of George")
	•		Entertainment Weekly #430 (May 4, 1998)		Special Collector's Issue The Definitive Viewer's Guide Reviews of 168 Episodes (i.e., ending with "The Puerto Rican Day")
	•		Entertainment Weekly #434 (May 29, 1998)
	•		People (May 18, 1998)
	•		People Extra (Spring 1998)		Special Farewell Issue
	•		Rolling Stone (May 28, 1998)		On the cover, the "Seinfeld" Four in Ozian garb: Jason Alexander as the Cowardly Lion, Michael Richards as the Scarecrow, Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Dorothy, and Jerry as the Tin Woodsman
	•		TV Guide Special Edition (Spring 1998)		Seinfeld Forever: The Ultimate Fact-Filled Farewell Guide To America's No. 1 Comedy 164 episodes reviewed and rated! First time ever: 23 of Jerry's girlfriends in one sizzling photograph! Susan, Newman and other "Seinfeld" regulars as you've never seen them! An unforgettable gathering of famous guest stars! Plus every great line, Kramer scheme, George lie ... and lots, lots more!
	•		Mad #364 (December 1997)		Jerry-Mandering Dept.: NBC's Desperate Plans For Seinfeld Spinoffs On the cover: Jerry answering his door with "Helloooooooo Neuman!" to none other than Alfred E. Neuman.
	•		"Seinfeld" finale TV Guides		A set of four TV Guides, each dated May 9-15 [1998], and each one containing a "collectors' cover" by famed caricaturist Al Hirschfeld of a different member of the "Seinfeld Four." (I wonder what Frank Costanza, who collects TV Guides ("The Cigar Store Indian"), thought when he got this issue.)
	•		A copy of the "Seinfeld" stamp		The stamp - Scott #3191c - which recognizes the TV series "Seinfeld," was issued by the United States Postal Service on May 2, 2000, on the 1990s "Celebrate the Century" 15-stamp pane. For a more complete description of this stamp, see "Minutiae: A Stamp of Approval".
	•		The Fall 1990 issue of the Queens College Report		On page 11 of this publication, there is a "blurb" about Jerry, and a headshot of him in the upper right. (No mention there of George, though.) His bio reads: "Jerry Seinfeld '76 starred this summer in his own NBC-TV series called, appropriately enough, 'Seinfeld.' The show combined traditional situation comedy with Mr. Seinfeld's own stand-up routines, a mix that gave him a chance to showcase his observations about life as a single man. Since his first professional appearance at Catch a Rising Star in 1976, he has appeared on 'The Tonight Show' and 'Late Night with David Letterman,' hosted the network special 'Spy Magazine Presents How to Be Famous,' and was voted Funniest Male Stand-Up at the American Comedy Awards. Mr. Seinfeld, who majored in theatre and communications at QC, says that 'Stand-up comedy is not work to me. There's nothing in the world that I'd rather do.'"
	•		A Jews For Jesus brochure entitled "A Show About Nothing"		This brochure - code number BR-362, ฉ1993, with art by J. Colle - features caricatures of the three guys of the Seinfeld gang, but none of Elaine. The depictions of George - two images - bear a more-than-passing resemblance to character Hans Moleman of "The Simpsons." (See "Hans Moleman: Old Guy Extraordinaire." )
	•		A Jews For Jesus brochure entitled "Life is a Sitcom"		This brochure - code number BR-386, with art by Carol Clemons - features caricatures of the Seinfeld gang. It has no copyright date, but since its first page includes a picture of a clapboard on which is written "Seinfeld: The Final Scene," I assume that it's from early 1998.
	•		The "Seinfeld" 1994 calendar (Was this the only year such an item was available?)		Each month features a large color photo of one or more of the gang, and a smaller black-and-white shot of one of them alongside one of their quotes or an excerpt of one of Jerry's stand-up routines. On the month's calendar is displayed two of the gang and a snippet of their dialogue from an episode. January ("The Outing"): "Now everyone's going to think we're gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that!" February ("The Visa"): "That's when a relationship occurs, when both people feel they're getting somebody they don't deserve." March ("The Boyfriend"): "You go to the health club and you see all these people, and they're working out and they're training and they're getting in shape. But the strange thing is nobody's getting in shape for anything. The only reason that you're geting in shape is so you can get through the workout. So, we're working out so we'll be in shape for when we have to do our exercise. This is the whole thing." April ("The Pick"): "Now, what does The Little Man inside you say? See, you've got to listen to The Little Man." May ("The Truth"): "I've driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution." June ("The Chinese Restaurant"): "Hunger will make people do amazing things. The proof of that is cannibalism. I think the hardest thing about being a cannibal would be trying to get some really deep sleep. I'd think you'd be going, 'Who's there? Is there somebody there? What do you want? You look hungry.'" July ("The Wallet"): "He has this power over me, okay? I mean he has this way of manipulating every little word I say. He's like a Svenjolly." August ("The Pitch"): "The Amish have no cars, no TV, no phone. That's how parents should punish kids. 'That's it, I've had it. You are Amish, young man. For the rest of the weekend! Did you hear me? Amish! Don't come down till you've made some noodles and raised a barn.'" September ("The Opera"): "Jerry, you don't understand the opera. This is how they used to talk in Italy. They would sing to each other. That's why the language has a very sing-songy quality. Listen to the language, Jerry. The language." October ("The Contest"): "My mother caught me. I stopped by the house to drop the car off and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. My mother had a Glamour magazine...I started leafing through it...so one thing led to another..." November ("The Virgin"): "A man changes into a completely different person five seconds after sex. Something happens to his personality. It's like they committed a crime and want to flee the scene before the police get there." December ("The Contest"): "Men wanna see women naked. Whatever it is that you won't show us, that's what we're obsessed with. I mean, if women always wore hats in public, you'd see men buying Playhead magazine."
	•		"Halloween" by Jerry Seinfeld, illustrated by James Bennett - Collector's Edition with CD		(ฉ2002, Little, Brown and Company) Not at all related to the show, it is supposedly a transcript of Jerry's "Halloween" bit from "Jerry Seinfeld Live on Broadway: I'm Telling You for the Last Time," but set in the format of a children's book.
	•		"Seinfeld" reunion TV Guide		Dated November 21-27 [2004], this issue coincided with the release, on November 23, 2004, of the first of the show's DVDs. Pictured on the cover are the four principals and Larry David. Jerry is holding a Tweety Pie Pez dispenser in front of Julia.
	•		"Seinfeld" DVDs		Seasons 1 & 2, Season 3, Limited Edition Gift Set (Seasons 1-3 with Original Script, Salt & Pepper Shakers, and Playing Cards)
	•		"The Ball"		This is my most prized Seinfeld-oriented possession, a red plastic Christmas ball, almost 4" in diameter, on which each of the four "Seinfeld" regulars inscribed a greeting. It was given to me by my brother as a Christmas present in 1992, just before the show really started catching on with the masses. The inscriptions read: Merry, Merry, Jerry Seinfeld Chappy Cholidays! Jason Alexander From "Seinfeld" Michael Richards Christmas '92 Happy Whatever! Love, Julia Louis-Dreyfus I wonder if Jerry ever regrets what he wrote on the ball. At least it wasn't "Nothing could be finer than to eat in your diner." ("The Bubble Boy")

And that's not counting a shirt or two with the Michael Richards label. (I didn't know that he was an accomplished designer.) I have a wallet which contains Velcro. (Unlike Jerry's dad, I don't mind that teeeeeeeeeearing sound.) Also, an empty bottle of a chocolate-flavored beverage once produced by Nestl้, called Cosmo . And - oh, yeah - I have one more little item: a moustache which makes me look like an out-of-work porn star.

I do not have:

	•		"How Well Do You Know Jerry ... and His Friends?: A Trivia Book" by Artie Mangravito		Sounds like a must-not-buy according to its reviews on Amazon.com.
	•		"Seinfeld: The Man, the Series" by Scott Nance		Out of print.
	•		"Seinfeld-1994 Calendar"		Of course, it's out of print. Apparently, a "Seinfeld" calendar was available only one year, and I missed it. For shame.
	•		"Seinfeld: The Totally Unauthorized Tribute (Not That Theres Anything Wrong with That)" by David Wild		I don't have this one? Funny, but its cover looks awfully familiar. Its reviews sound promising.
	•		"Seinfeld Screensaver and Planner"		(Audio CD - December 1994)
	•		"You're A Super Yada Yada Yada Fan If ..." by Joe Kerr		Did not get good reviews on Amazon.com.
	•		"Jerry Seinfeld, the Entire Domain: The Entire Domain" by Kathleen Tracy		The reviews for this book sound very good.
	•		"Seinfeld and Philosophy: A Book about Everything and Nothing" by William Irwin (Editor)		This one sounds somewhat interesting.

On a personal note: Like George, who has never paid for parking, I have never paid for television - whether it be cable or satellite/dish TV. My reasoning is: I don't watch very much programming as it is, and if I were to pay for one of those services I would then feel compelled to do so. So not only I would be spending needless money, but I also would be costing myself precious time.

In "The Junior Mint," George comments that the New York State Banking Department informed him of some interest owed him from a bank account which he had in the Lincoln Savings Bank when he was a schoolboy. Could this be the same Lincoln Savings Bank of which I became a customer in the early '80s? Which was eventually acquired by the Anchor Savings Bank? Then the merger of which, shortly after that, was folded into the Dime Savings Bank? And the result of which recently was absorbed by Washington Mutual? Who's next? (Somewhat reminiscent of the progression of phone companies in the NYC area: New York Telephone ฎ NYNEX ฎ Bell Atlantic ฎ Verizon)

Until I watched "The Red Dot," it was my belief that the Jerry Seinfeld who was delivering monologues throughout each episode was distinct from the Jerry Seinfeld whose day-to-day experiences were being chronicled in the show. It was in that episode I realized that they were actually the same individual, that the stand-up routines were being given by "Character Jerry" and not "Actual Jerry." That fact became evident when, during that episode, an onstage Jerry was confronted by Elaine's alcoholic coworker, Dick. It was at that point that Jerry's worlds collided in my mind. Maybe my confusion was the result of partaking in too much Hennigan's scotch.

For all it's worth, the real Jerry Seinfeld attended my alma mater, Queens College. (So, too, did the fictional Jerry, as noted in "The Marine Biologist." I believe that I have a copy of the college alumni publication in which he's mentioned. The real Jerry, that is.) But what's even more interesting to me is the fact that he graduated from that institution in 1976; I began my studies there in the fall of 1975. So it's entirely possible that our paths might have crossed. However, I doubt that we shared any classes. His fields of study were theater and communications - big surprise! - whereas my majors were mathematics and computer science. For the record, I didn't take any Poli Sci classes, and I don't remember either Seth or Moochie. ("The Chicken Roaster")

There's a guy on my block who always wears military fatigues เ la Eddie Sherman in "The Fatigues." He's not a threatening fellow like the aforementioned character, but a pleasant chap - albeit usually a bit soused. I guess he's "off the wagon." Or is it "on the wagon?" ("The Red Dot")

As I mention on my home page, my last name is Szabaga - pronounced zuh-BAY-guh. I like to think of it like a commercial jingle, as George said to Jerry in "The Chicken Roaster." First it's a little irritating. Then you hear it a few times, you hum it in the shower. The next thing you know, it's "By Mennen" ... Sza-BA-ga!

Here's another helpful mnemonic: It's pronounced zuh-BAY-guh - as in Trinidad and Tobago - not zuh-BAH-guh - as in Trinidadian and Toboggan. ("The Hot Tub")

A fellow with whom I worked in 1996 or 1997 related an occurrence in which he was at a Las Vegas casino, and he saw Jason Alexander playing one of the table card games - poker, I believe. I don't recall if this co-worker also sat down to play, or if he just watched the goings-on. Those degrees of separation - never very solid - are getting even flimsier as the years go by.

UPDATED

2004 Aug 06

I have had the same phone number my entire life. Well, they did change my area code back in the 1980s. You see, it wasn't a new number. It was really the same one ... just changed.

Oh, and for the record, when they changed me from a "212" to a "718," I didn't cry about it at all. Being a "718" isn't as bad as Elaine makes it out to be. (She indicates in "The Maid" that she was a "718" when she first moved here, and that she cried every night.)

I saw on an old map which was recently printed by Newsday that the street on which I live, 41st Street in the neighborhood of Sunnyside in Queens, NY, was once called Van Buren Street. So I suppose I can officially consider myself one of the Van Buren Boys.

NEW	2004 Apr 12

I wasn't sure whether this item belonged on the Minutiae page or on this one. I decided that since I saw this vanity plate - and photographed it - I'd place it here. I wonder if the vehicle's owner is a "Seinfeld" fan.