In one episode of "Seinfeld," Jerry and George discuss the situation of a waiter in a Mexican restaurant confusing salsa with seltzer. In another, Kramer insisted that the term is statue - not statute - of limitations. And on yet a third episode Jerry and George debated whether the word they're searching for is "timbre" or "tambre." (As far as I know, there's no word "tambre," or any other homonymous word.) In that vein, I present similar pairs of words or phrases which could be misunderstood to comic, if not dire, results.
| Kit Kat | Tic Tac | |
| Baklava | Bacalao | |
| Sara Lee | Celery | "Nobody doesn't like celery." |
| Amtrak | Anthrax | |
| Chicken pot pie | Chicken pox pie | |
| Compote | Compost | Yuck! |
| Rugalach | Arugala | |
| Hummus | Hamas | Particularly dangerous in Israel, if you catch my drift. |
| Yee-hah | Jihad | Ditto. |
| Balsa | Balsam | |
| Mesquite | Mosquito | |
| Marinara | Marijuana | "Sorry, buddy. We don't carry that kind of sauce in this place!" |
| Whiskey | Wisk | Choose your poison. |
| Lotus | Locust | "Please now assume the locust position." |
| Artistic | Autistic | "What a lovely collage. You have a very autistic child." |
| Adobo | Adobe | It really sticks to your ribs. |
| Caucus | Carcass | |
| Facto (as in "ipso facto") | Fatso | |
| Brasserie | Brassiere | "Hey, honey. I'd like to eat at that brassiere that just opened up." Smack! |
| It's a done deal. | It's a dumb deal. | |
| Beatification | Beautification | |
| Scientist | Zionist | Interestingly enough, Albert Einstein was both a scientist and a Zionist. |
| Turnkey | Turkey | |
| Hunan | Human | If you're ever in a Chinese restaurant and you see the chef reading "To Serve Man," make a hasty exit! |
| Annuity | A nudie | |
| Parliament | Parlor mint | |
| "Road and Track" | Rodent rack | "This is not the magazine to which I subscribed!" |
| College Inn | Collagen | "Boy, this soup sure is chewy!" |
| Lava | Larva | |
| Schnapps | Snot | |
| Teeth | Teat | |
| Occidental | Accidental | |
| Lessee | Lezzie | |
| Bishopric | Bishop Rick | Is he Reverend Jim's superior in the hierarchy of his church? |
| Prosecute | Prostitute | |
| Evaluate | Evacuate | |
| Chinook | Schnook | |
| Patio tool | Patty O'Toole | |
| So be it | Soviet | "Amen to Russian commies." |
| Doo-dads | Dude ads | |
| Rapunzel | Rumpelstiltskin | |
| Bonsai | Banzai | |
| San Diego | Sandy Eggo | |
| Loitering | Littering | |
| Tartare | Tartar | |
| Uniformed | Uninformed | Not only was the officer uniformed, he was uninformed! |
| Low-key | Loki | |
| Dr. Albert Schweitzer | Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer | I can just picture Alfalfa providing vocal accompaniment to Dr. Schweitzer, who is playing "I’m In The Mood For Love" on his organ. |
| Canopies | Can o' peas | |
| Stephen Vincent Benét | Edna St. Vincent Millay | |
| Cingular [Wireless] | Singulair [Asthma medicine] | |
| Appealing | Appalling | |
| Immortal | Immoral | |
| Wonton | Wanton | She was a wonton woman, and he was a kung pao guy. |
| William Jennings Bryan | William Cullen Bryant | |
| New Zealand | Newsie-land | |
| [Édouard] Manet | [Claude] Monet | |
| Cypress | Cyprus | |
| HMV [Record Stores] |
H&M (Hennes and Mauritz, fashion and cosmetics retailer) |
|
| Budapest [Hungary] | Bucharest [Romania] | |
| Co-op | Coop | The apartment was so small, what they advertised as a co-op was more like a coop. |
| Juicyfruit [Gum] | Jujyfruits [Candy] | |
| Brittany [France] | Britain | To further complicate matters, the French call their region of Brittany "Bretagne" - pronounced bre-tañ' - which is inhabited by the Bretons (pr. bret'-'nz) ... as opposed to the British, who are also known as Britons (pr. brit'-'nz). |
| Prostrate | Prostate | |
| Lebanese | Lesbian | Sort of a phonetic anagram: leb'e-nêz' vs. lez'bê-en |
| Cate Blanchett | Kate Winslet |
By the way, even their middle names are similar: Blanchett's is Elise; Winslet's is Elizabeth. |
| Ingrid Bergman | Ingmar Bergman |
According to
IMDb.com
, Ingmar directed Ingrid in two films: "Stimulantia" (1967) and "Höstsonaten" (1978). |
| John Hurt | John Heard | |
| Anthony Hopkins | Anthony Perkins | Hannibal Lechter vs. Norman Bates |
| Führer or Fuehrer | Furor | It can certainly be said that der Führer caused quite a furor. |
| Filet | Fillet | |
| Ferment | Foment | |
| Feudal | Futile | In the feudal system, life was certainly futile for many individuals. |
| Antidote | Anecdote | After being bitten by a poisonous snake there was no antidote available, so they offerred him just an anecdote instead. |
| Colic | Cowlick | Not only did the baby have a colic, it also had a cowlick. |
| Succotash | Sassafras | Sufferin' sassafras! |
| De Paul University | De Pauw University | He applied to De Paul University but was rejected, so he went instead to his "safety" school, De Pauw University. |
| Rudolph Valentino | Rudy Vallee | How about RuVall [sic]? |
| Slovakia | Slovenia | To confuse matters even further, there's also a place called Slavonia. |
| Headlights | Head lice | "Turn on those headlights so I can look for Jimmy's head lice." |
| Hostel | Hostile | |
| Teepee or tepee | T.P. [i.e., toilet paper] | Where's the T.P. in this teepee? |
| Tee ball | Tea ball | |
| Manhattan | Manhasset | The first is the island upon which the bulk of New York City's central borough lies; the second is a community in Nassau County, one of the suburbs which border the City. |
| Audi | Outie | "Do you have an Audi?" "No, my belly button's an innie." |
| Winchell | Wind chill | Famous newspaper columnist Walter Wind-Chill |
| Interned | Interred |
As I ask in my
"Questions For Greater Minds Than Mine"
page:
All things considered, during a war, wouldn't it be better for one to endure
being interned rather than being interred?
FYI: A typo in the March 2003 issue of Numismatist magazine, a publication of the American Numismatic Association, indicated in the obituary for sculptor/medalist Marcel Jovine that, after being captured by the British, he was interred in the U.S. during World War II. |
| Mango | Mangrove | |
| Orchid | Orchard | |
| Bosox | Botox | Have any members of the Boston Red Sox received botox injections? |
| Liverworts | Liverwurst | |
| Destiny | Density | In "Back To The Future," Marty McFly coaches his father in 1955 to woo his mother with the line "You are my destiny," but it gets mangled by the elder McFly into "You are my density." |
| ELO | ELP | Two entirely different groups of recording artists: Electric Light Orchestra, and Emerson, Lake & Palmer |
| NCAA | NAACP | Two other entirely different groups |
| Willow Bay | Will O'Bay | Does the news anchor have a homonymous cousin? |
| Paula Zahn | Paula's on | It's 7:00 AM, and Paula Zahn's on ... with her children. That can mean only one thing: Paula Zahn's son's on. |
| Cretan | Cretin | They're not mutually exclusive. A Cretan could be a cretin. |
| [Nissan] Sentra | Centrum [vitamins] | |
| Bob Barr | Babar | I'm not sure whether the latter is pronounced BOB-ahr or BAB-ahr, but the Republican Representative from Georgia should not be confused with the elephant monarch from children's literature. By the way, I've even heard the name Babar pronounced BUH-bahr, as in buh-bye. |
| Diligent | Delinquent | |
| Deluded | Diluted | For an example of this mix-up, see this page. |
| [Lake] Okechobee | Okefenokee [Swamp] | |
| Shih-Tzu | Sh*t zoo | A guy I know told me he has a Shih-Tzu, so I asked him, "What's so good about a menagerie made out of poop?" |
| Apostle | Epistle | |
| Stouchsburg, PA | Strouchburg, PA | |
| Beefheart | Bee fart | How can they tell that bees fart? |
| Forecast | Fork-assed | |
| Keynotes | Keen oats | |
| Franco Harris | Frank O'Harris or Frank O. Harris | |
| Curtis Stigers | Curtis tigers | |
| Vin Scully | Vince Cully | |
| Veruka Salt | Veruke assault | |
| Patio furniture | Patty O'Furniture |
Then there's the case of the traveler who requested to be booked on a vacation in Mazatlan, only to discover - too late - that he was on a flight bound for Tel Aviv. When he returned home he confronted his travel agent about why he was sent to Israel. "Oh," the professional replied, "didn't you say you wanted to visit Matzo-land?"
Watch your punctuation:
"Would you like some beef jerky?" or "Would you like some beef, jerky?"
I remember Archie Bunker referring to the Pocono Mountains as the "Poke-your-nose." [He also said "grab the bull by the corns," among other malapropisms.]
January 17, 2002: For this year's celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day at Lauderhill, Florida, a plaque intended to honor actor James Earl Jones was inadvertently mislabeled with the name of King's assassin, James Earl Ray, by Merit Industries of Georgetown, Texas. According to stories in several newspapers today, the plaque supposedly read "Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive." Talk about a faux pas!
April 4, 2003: A contestant on "Jeopardy!" today made the same mistake. To the clue "the name of Martin Luther King's assassin," he answered "Who is James Earl Jones?" not "Who is James Earl Ray?"
On the television series "Chicago Hope" was a character named Dr. Lisa Catera , an obvious reference to the then-familiar exhortation in particular Cadillac commercials to "lease a Catera."
I have this fear that I will be a contestant on "Jeopardy!" (No, I haven't even tried out for the show.) and instead of responding "The Old Man And The Sea," I say "The Old Man In The Sea."
On a related note, whenever I realize that the response to a question is "A Midsummer Night's Dream," I cringe in anticipation of a contestant misspeaking this title, which happens about nine times out of ten chances. Watch out for that possessive "s."
You mean to tell me that that British TV series isn't about some alpine climbing expedition? I thought it was called "To the Matterhorn," not "To the Manor Born!"
In a TV ad which is running lately (December 2002) for Domino's Pizza Buffalo Chicken Kickers, a mother chides her two daughters, "Don't eat with your oboes on the table." (elbows/oboes)
When I was very young, I used to think that the word "allergic" was pronounced "allergicked" - as in "Johnny's allergicked to nuts, so he had a salami sandwich instead."