Chapter 5: "Virus In The Iris" (scroll down for chapters 6 thru 11)
As chance, or luck, or providence would have it, at that very moment in the time-space continuum their eyes met. ALL of their eyes met: RAMona had cocked her head slightly left and was exhaling an oyster-laced plume of ciggy smoke as her eyes looked directly into those of Meg. Meg for her part was listening to the ultra-sonic buzzzzzz of Larry's voice in her brain (where Larry had taken up residence via the cyberplug) and had chanced to stare hypnotically across the room when her eyes drilled into those of RAMona. Rex, suddenly, and rather uncomfortably, had come to the realization of his circumstance: his eyes split the difference; the left one veered right, into the glare of Meg's green eyes and the right one crossed left into the inferno of RAMona's bloodshot glare (years and years of low-budget sleuthing had taught Rex the art of keeping an eye on two people simultaneously).
In a quark of fate, at the very center-point at which the six eyes formed a triangular intersection, the hypothetical particles triggered a burst of anti-matter, and as the three stared transfixed into the ensuing vortex, a manhole cover in the floor of the Cafe Paradise lifted, and emerging from the cosmic sewers (actually from the "other" side of a black hole via a wormhole expressway) came Mona, holding in her hand a lovely purple iris. She was transparent; Meg, Rex and RAMona were hypnotized. Larry was hung-up in a particularly thick area of Meg's gray matter (having to do with legal mumbo-jumbo concerning tort law, a complicated legal brief, and confusion over the exact meaning of that recurring dream about alien hot dogs and naked gypsies) and missed the whole thing (as did everyone else in the place).
When in the course of human events, a visitor from the other side of the universe appears through a manhole cover in an espresso bar, having traveled the hiways and byways of the great cosmic sewers, one must be necessarily elated AND skeptical AND shocked! These three were in the shocked part of it, with elation and skepticism yet to come, no doubt.
There you have it: six eyes transfixed. Reflected in each, the image of a lovely purple iris, and Mona, transparent in her beauty.
CHAPTER 6: The Night Shift
The janitor swept away the dust and dreams from the night before. For the first time in memory, Cafe Paradise was empty. For some inexplicable reason everyone got tired, very tired, and left in a slow oozing, out the door and back to wherever they had come from. Some were even heard mentioning the word "sleep", a concept long forgotten in the caffeine giddy-up glaze of life at the Paradise.
The janitor slowly swept the floor; as his broom swept over the manhole cover in the center of the room, a knowing smile swept over his custodial face: not everyone had left Cafe Paradise by the front door late last night.
Somewhere in the bowels of the void an unlikely crew of five were doing the herky-jerk in a reflection of the time-space continuum. The mere thought was enough to tickle the fancy of the janitor, and he let out a loud laugh as he bent down to scoop-up the beautifully transparent purple iris left unceremoniously discarded under a table in the corner. He opened the manhole cover a crack, shielding his eyes against the raw burning glare of quantum molecular tango, and tossed in the iris: "Bon voyage" he whispered, and returned to his janitorial tasks.
Larry knew something was up, or maybe down, the moment Meg's brain kicked into cerebral overdrive: he hung on for dear life, and went resolutely along for the ride....
chapter 7: "OH BOY, The Holy Ghost!"
"WELLLLLLLLLLCOME": a disembodied voice echoed in Rex's disembodied mind. It was dark here, and moist, but also amazingly dry; how could this be? Rex knew that he was in a pickle, but this moist and dry thing made it feel a bit like he was in a bottle of vintage chardonnay as well. This was perplexing, but even more incredible was this taste that was dancing like itsy-bitsy icicles on his tongue.
This was perplexing to old Rex mainly due to the fact that he couldn't understand just why he was tasting anything, considering the fact that his tongue was doing its tasting unattached to his mouth, throat and head, none of which was attached to "him". In fact, in this moist dry darkness, Rex could sense that all of the vital parts of his fellow travelers were floating equally unattached to "themselves" as his tongue was to him. He pondered the possibility that it wasn't even his tongue that was doing the tasting: maybe it was Meg's, or RAMona's; how the hell was he to know for sure?
In this disembodied frenzy, Larry had the uncomfortable, yet remarkable feeling that he WAS the taste. The welcoming voice had this to say: "The taste is a taste to savor without haste; never, no never waste this taste!"
Oh great, they all thought in their disembodied state, riddles: I HATE RIDDLES!
The darkness was lifting, ever-so-slowly, but what they were about to see would make them wish that the darkness would stick around, for a very long time!
chapter 8: "APRIL FOOLS!"
Yep, this weren't no walk in the park. Rex, our disembodied sleuth, was coming to realize that all was not right in the darkness of this place. He knew that the moment he heard that voice echo "WELLLLcome". The fact is that Rex heard that "welcome" not only with his ears, but with RAMona's ears, Meg's ears, Mona's ethereal ears, and even with Larry's itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny ears. This of course was a revelation to old Rex, as he now understood without a shadow of any doubt that no two people hear the same thing THE SAME WAY! Wow, the implications were astounding, but they were lost on Rex for the moment, as he was lost in the thought of how oddly, to him, these different ears were hearing that "WELLLcome". For her part, RAMona heard a sinister, corrupt "welcome". Meg heard a detached, yet not unfriendly, "welcome". Mona heard not the word, but the spirit behind it, and Larry's ears heard only a muffled "welcome", as he had hastily stuffed bits of Kleenex into his ears when they all got sucked into the manhole at the cafe. To Rex, the "welcome" had no particular feeling; it just was there.
But of course the fun was just beginning, because the darkness was starting to lift, ever-so-slightly, and now it was dawning on Rex that if his ears were also "their" ears and vise-versa, then maybe (probably!) he was about to see what he was about to see with all of their eyes! This was not a moment of inspiration for Rex: he never fancied himself as a multi-dimensional personality, and he wasn't too thrilled about becoming one now. Keep it simple, and collect the paycheck had been his motto: so much for well-kept mottoes.
And the darkness lifted.
And there it stood.
And it was.....
chapter 9:
MAY DAY! MAY DAY!
HUGE! and undulating. Undulating and HUGE! Frightening and noisy: what IS that sound? Can it be music?
Can it be........ GOD!?
Well, unless GOD is a HUGE and undulating accordian playing ghost named Lawrence Welk, this ain't GOD. Lawrence the ghost was serenading the many ears with a polka rendition of "Love Is A Many Splendored Thing", although the splendor of the experience was lost on Rex. The strange thing is that Rex, uncertain that it was even his ears hearing this accordian ghost, wasn't just hearing this music, if it could be called that, he was tasting it! And it wasn't particularly appetizing. Meg was desperatly trying to plug her ears, but found it difficult because she couldn't find her ears. Larry was gladly oblivious, although he did wonder whose head he was in at the moment. RAMona was eating it up: she loved accordian music, and in her distant, and momentarily innocent youth had secretly wanted to dye her hair blonde and become a Lennon Sister so she could sing on the "Lawrence Welk Show". Lawrence undulated and pumped as THE VOICE from deep space querried: "CAN YOU TASTE IT NOW?"
Rex raised his hand ,which was floating several yards from his brain: he could taste it. He then realized that all the hands were raised and that all the mouths were drooling. What the hell does this have to do with the birth of a new planet? Now that's an appetizing question, indeed.
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(c)1997, inevitability press
MORE REX FILES: CHAPTER 10 & 11