var quotes=new Array()

//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.

quotes[0]='Don\'t sweat the petty things and don\'t pet the sweaty things. <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[1]='Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[2]='Atheism is a non-prophet organization. <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[3]='If you\'re ridin\' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it\'s still there. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[4]='If you get to thinkin\' you\'re a person of some influence, try orderin\' somebody elses dog around. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[5]='I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where\'s the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[6]='There\'s two theories to arguin\' with a woman. Neither one works. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[7]='If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[8]='There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it\'s really hot. <i>-Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[9]='Don\'t squat with your spurs on. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[10]='Is there another word for synonym?  <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[11]='Always drink upstream from the herd. <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[12]='If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin\'.  <i>- Texas Wisdom</i>'

quotes[13]='An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. <i>- Life Lessons</i>'

quotes[14]='Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. <i>- Life Lessons</i>'

quotes[15]='You don\'t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. <i>- Life Lessons</i>'

quotes[16]='If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[17]='Isn\'t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[18]='Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[19]='Would a fly without wings be called a walk? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[20]='Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[21]='If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[22]='How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[23]='Is it true that cannibals don\'t eat clowns because they taste funny? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[24]='What was the best thing before sliced bread? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[25]='One nice thing about egotists: they don\'t talk about other people. <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[26]='How is it possible to have a civil war? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[27]='If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[28]='If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[29]='Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[30]='Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[31]='Where are we going? And what\'s with this hand basket? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[32]='Where are we going? And what\'s with this hand basket? <i>- George Carlin</i>'

quotes[33]='Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? <i>- George Carlin</i>'



var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length))
document.write(quotes[whichquote])