Ode to "Easy" Blackwood by Ellyn Batko

Recalling a hand from Boston…
The tournament was a blast.
Hordes of duplicate players
Hoping for points to amass.

I met a very nice player.
We seemed to be getting along.
Just 5 card majors and Blackwood,
With Stayman we couldn't go wrong!

And then we met these fellas
"Come play with us in the Swiss"
I said, "Well, I don't know, maybe…
I'll check with my partner, Chris."

We're over 3000 they told me.
It's 'A' we'll have to play in.
"I'm nervous," I said, "But it's worth it
Just think of the points that I'll win."

We shuffled the boards at our table.
The event was soon to begin.
The excitement was making me giddy.
(But that's a state that I'm normally in.)

Along came this hand, what a whopper!
A grand slam in hearts they were in.
"Double," said Chris, very smoothly.
(My nerves were now growing thin.)

Imagine contracting for seven.
Missing the ace of trump!
My heart was beating wildly
Thump, thump, thump!

Soon the fur was flying
All over the place.
"Down one doubled," said Chris,
A vulnerable smile upon his face.

We checked our scores carefully.
For sure this board was a top.
Plus 200 for our side
We now were licking our chops.

But at the other table,
Much to our chagrin,
Our partners arrived at a contract
The same one our opponents were in.

I can't explain what happened.

This round had turned to "mush."
Believe it or not, Mr. Ripley,
Our top became a push!

The moral of my story
Is as plain as it can be.
Easy does it, Mr. Blackwood.
(He surely would agree.)

So be careful when you're bidding.
You don't have to be too smart.
Easley would never be in seven
Off the ace of hearts!

Men are masters at getting their way.
They never pass anything you have to say.

Contracts, like marriages, in Heaven are made.
Men never play minors, only no-trump or spades.

They always outbid their opponents one more.
Who cares if the results are a big minus score?

Men are so steady, so quick and so bright
As long as you tell them they're 100% right.

When they make a mistake, they say, "I took a view."
But you're always wrong when it happens to you.

They play every hand, you're forced to abide.
Even if no-trump plays best from your side.

They double all slams, then scream they've been fixed.
God love 'em, without 'em, how'd we play the Mixed?

(Ellyn Batko spends the winters in Florida, but her main residence is in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Ellyn is a member of the District 13 Board of Directors and a frequent contributor to the I/N Newsletter… especially for you!

Ellyn's writings illustrate her great sense of humor but if you read them carefully, there is a ring of truth and a lesson to be learned in each of her poems.

We look  forward to including more of  Ellyn's work in future issues.)

Sorry, partner. I woulda led my singleton…
but I couldn't find it -- it was so small.

Richard Pavlichek