[Scene: A hearing of the HUAC. The committee is preparing to question The Joker & Harley Quinn, who sit at a table, flanked by attorneys. There is a golf bag nearby, stuffed with clubs, a feather duster, a plumber's helper, etc. On the table in font of The Joker is a pair of loud shorts with the words, "legal briefs" printed on them.]

Chairman McCarthy: Mister... Joker. Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

Mr. Joker: No. What's it like?

McCarthy: Order! I will have order in here! Order!

Ms. Quinn: I'll have a milkshake.

Mr. Joker: Make it two. No cherry in mine, though--I'm allergic. Lose the cherry. Don't forget. I know your kind: Always forgetting to lose the cherry. And we see how that made you turn out.

Chairman McCarthy: Order! Sir, despite your scurrilous innuendo I am NOT a member of the Communist Party and I will direct the....

Mr. Joker: Issat so?!? Well, I've been watching these hearings for months...

Ms. Quinn: ...except when something better was on, like the farm report...

Mr. Joker:.. except when something better was on, like the farm report, and I've noticed something: Who are you always talking to? Communists! Explain that, comrade!!

Chairman McCarthy: Buh...! That...!

Mr. Joker: Putt-putt-putt! You sound like a motor-boat! And another thing McCarthy, if THAT'S your REAL name, if you are NOT a member of the Communist Party, you've got a lot of nerve asking me to join!

Chairman McCarthy: I didn't ask...!

Mr. Joker: Oh-ho, taking back the offer now, are we?

Ms. Quinn: Indian giver!

Mr. Joker: You just can trust these pinkos!

Chairman McCarthy: Order! Order!

Ms. Quinn: I told you before! And I'm still waiting for my shake!

Mr. Joker: Have you no fear for your tip, man!? Or do you just disagree ideologically with the concept of tips, comrade? Very suspicious! Very suspicious, indeed!

Chairman McCarthy: Sir, you are in contempt!

Mr. Joker: Noticed that, didja? Did you figure it out all by yourself, or did that bullfrog who keeps whispering in your ear clue you in?

Mr. Cohen: Why, you little....

Chairman McCarthy: You-are-in-contempt!!

Mr. Joker: You just said that! That's the trouble here: Talk-talk-talk! Howbouts we switch it up a bit? Maybe a sing-a-long! I'll start! Harley, accompaniment.

Ms. Quinn: Kazoo or Ukulele, Mr. J?

Mr. Joker: Do you see these high ceilings, my love?! The acoustics, Harl, the acoustics!! Kazoo, obviously!

Chairman McCarthy: Sergeant-of-arms! Confiscate that kazoo immediately!

Ms. Quinn: Philistine! You didn't even let me get to the bridge!

Chairman McCarthy: I have had enough of your nonsense!

Mr. Joker: You cut out my nonsense and your ratings will drop. Besides, I've got you dead to rights. First you offer to let me join your Communist Party, but then you won't even tell me when and where you are throwing it....

Ms. Quinn: ...or even if it's a bring-your-own-beer affair! We have beer, Senator, and believe me, we're not afraid to bring it!

Chairman McCarthy: I never...!

Mr. Joker: It's un-American, Senator! Our word should be our bond! But then, this is an "Un-American Activities Committee," isn't it? Dead give-away, gentleman... deeeaaad give-away!

Ms. Quinn: Hear-hear, puddin'!

Mr. Joker: This is America, Senator! Flag, Harley. Land of life and liberty! Of course, "Liberty" folded, but we've still got "Life," "The New Yorker" and "The Saturday Evening Post."

Chairman McCarthy: Is there a point in....

Mr. Joker: I'm glad you asked! Here's the point: What if I offered you a pie, then said that I didn't even have one?

Chairman McCarthy: I don't...

Mr. Joker: Well, that will never happen, Senator, 'cause if I say you're getting a pie, you're getting one!

Mr. Cohen: Christ! Security!

Mr. Joker: Like it Senator? It's bananas and nuts--just like this committee!

Ms. Quinn: Nice throw, puddin'. The Russian judge only gave you a 8.5, though.

Mr. Joker: Damn Ruskies! Is there any limit to their treachery?!

Ms. Quinn: Look, Mr. J! They're huddling! I bet they're talking about you....

Mr. Joker: Oh-ho! Talking behind my back, under my very nose, I see! Hatching another dirty commie plot, are we?! Either that, or you're deciding who is going out to fetch us our milk shakes. Our contract for this show clearly says that we get milk shakes!

Chairman McCarthy: The committee has decided that these two are too mentally unbalanced to be Communist agents. And if they are communists... THE REDS CAN HAVE THEM!!! Sergeant-at-arms, get these two clowns out of my sight!!

Mr. Joker: What?! Unhand me! You can't do this to us! We're American citizens! We're crash your communist party! We'll spike the punch! We'll bring Spike Jones records! We'll....

Ms. Quinn: Attica! Attica! Attica!

[End of transcript]