Despite my best attempts, I was born nearly eighteen years ago in a modest little town called Milwaukee, which has turned into a hotspot of criminal activity once I moved away. My powerful, yet peaceful aura brings serenity to all those within a thirty-five mile radius around me. People are so impressed by my presence that they get up and leave the room out of fear and respect.

I was a model child, requiring little parental supervision.

Out of the thousands of accredited colleges out there, I somehow chose to attend the exact one that’s down the street. Isn’t it cosmically freakish how things work out like that?

Favorite hobbies include sketching, reading, running, and sucking bone marrow out of chicken carcasses. That’s in between school and all my charity work, of course, including the Save the Chickens foundation. (I like to be ironic.)