Don't get me wrong; maybe Shakespeare really is the greatest thing since sliced bread (wait... does not compute...). But I really wouldn't know, since I can't understand any freaking thing he says. Oh, I understand individual words, sure, but when he strings the words together like that, it just boggles my mind.
But you know what, I'm just an uneducated teenage bum with no real aspirations, so what do I know. Instead of criticizing Shakespeare, I guess I have to realize that my real pet peeve is when people (especially teenagers) brag about how much they love Shakespeare. No, you don't love Shakespeare. You know why not? Because you're screwing up that Shakespeare class right beside me; not comprehending a single thing, and failing every quiz. I think a principle part of loving something is to at least understand it.
Pretentious fools.
This kind of unfounded basis for bragging really irks me. Especially when it has to do with the temperature. "It's cold outside." "No it's not. I'm warm...." Never say that to me. Just don't. It is rarely disputed by anyone other than teenagers that ten degrees below zero is cold.
This stuff bugs me because people say the most absurd things to sound illustrious. Is it supposed to be impressive, or what? I'm impressed when people get A's in that class, but simply saying "I love Shakespeare" isn't exactly going to grab anyone's attention. (Except mine, since I'm writing about it.)
I know, I know, I act like the poster girl of pretentiousness. I'm actually not. Most of the time, I'm joking or being sarcastic. I still have to work a bit with the sarcasm, though; a lot of people take me seriously. "What are you talking about? Your thesis statement does not 'kick breadsticks.' You suck at this." Yes, yes. Okay, in all fairness, maybe everyone else is kidding, too, when they say they love Shakespeare. Though I doubt it. One of my friends practically stopped breathing when I said the word "Shakespeare." Now that's pretentious.
If anyone today tried to imitate Shakespeare with all his weird syntax and made-up words (I read he made up "bump" and "assassination"), people would laugh at him and throw him in a mental asylum because it would sound incredibly stupid. "'I think not?' What kind of phrasing is that? Go back to the sewer you came from, you no-talent bum."
I am just full of hostility today. I apologize to any pretentious morons I've offended. Kidding. It's been a bad week, and I'm too quiet to take out my pent-up hostility on anyone. Thank God for the internet and it's potential for me to anonymously offend any English teachers out there. What a wonderful, magical, enchanting...secular thing this, this internet is. (I had to. I really did.)