Last updated 2/22/02
since 6/25/99
You'll be back!!!
Thanks for Voting!The Toyminator's Top 5 Tasteless Jokes of the Moment (as voted by YOU) are listed below, along with their composite scores. Scores can range from 1.0 - 5.0, with 5.0 being the ultimate joke!
1) Little April! (4.3)
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," And April fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her sixth child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pen.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
...The teacher fainted!2) Fart Definitions (4.2)
THE BACK SEAT FART: Occurs only in automobiles. Typically identified by odor, since it can be concealed by traffic noise. It's odor is foul and moves quckly throughout the automobile. Usually followed by the question "OK, who farted?".
THE BULLET FART: Identified by a single and pronounced sound, similar to a rifle shot. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common after eating beans.
THE CUSHIONED FART: A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter squirms and pushes their ass way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and eases one out very carefully without moving. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Especially popular with fat people.
THE HIC-HACHOO-FART FART: Simply a person who hiccups, sneezes, and farts at the same time. Usually performed by an old lady, who follows it by patting her chest and saying"My, my".
THE LEAD FART: The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped watermelon, resulting in the only fart that goes thud! Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. It may be followed by the question "What was that?".
THE OH MY GOD FART: The stinkiest of all farts, identified by a rotten egg smell. When encountered by others, they usually respond with an emphatic "Oh my god!".
THE QUIVER FART: A typical fart, but is identified by a small quiver. If it tickles, then it is a Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is a Scratchass Fart.
THE RAMBLING PHADUKA FART: The longest lasting fart known. A strong, loud, wavering fart that in some cases sounds painful. It may leave the farter unable to speak, as though they had the wind knocked out of them.
THE SBD FART "Silent, but Deadly": Very commmon. Characterized by a strange and foul stench without the usual accompanying noise.
THE SPLATTER FART: A vile fart, characterized by a wet sensation in one's drawers. Usually results in farter heading to the bathroom to verify suspicion.3) Hillary's Dilemna (4.2)
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?" Janet says "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?"4) Grandpa's Advice (4.1)
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time ...... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year..... maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to in my bedroom.... And she yells, 'Fuck You!!!!!' and I holler back, 'Fuck You too.' "5) Fart Football (4.0)
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, switch sides."
