COLLATERAL DAMAGE (2002)  *

Reviewed 2/6/02 

Warner Brothers pulled Arnold Schwarzenegger’s latest noise-fest, “Collateral Damage,” from imminent release when the terrorist attacks occurred on September 11^th.  The movie has interesting parallels in presenting terrorist bombings on U.S. soil and having a fireman be the picture’s hero.  Warner Brothers was probably too frightened by the tastelessness of a gratuitously violent revenge fantasy in the face of real tragedy and how that would affect both the studio’s image and the film’s profits.  What is clear now is that they should have been frightened instead by just what a bland and boring mess this movie is.

“Collateral Damage” opens with Los Angeles firefighter Gordon Brewer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) rushing into a burning building to save lives.  The following scene shows him a dedicated father playing with his son.  In case the point is not clear, see, he is not only selflessly courageous, but a kind, wonderful parent, and so what is about to happen to him is a truly cosmic injustice.   That would be his wife and son being blown up in a terrorist bombing aimed at visiting Columbian officials.  The offending terrorist’s name is Claudio Perrini, also known as “El Lobo” or “The Wolf.”  Because the U.S. has decided to let the Columbian government negotiate with the guerillas, they have decided to put justice on the backburner (like the American people would not have any problems with that after American deaths on American soil).  Gordy, dwelling on old photographs and the empty swing set in the backyard, is not about to let his family go as collateral damage, and sets off to Columbia to kill Claudio himself.  Not being one of Schwarzenegger’s ex-special forces supermen, Gordy can only be seen as a total moron to be attempting this.

Brothers David and Peter Griffiths wrote the screenplay, their first to be turned into a movie.  They were not ready yet.  Not only is the dialogue insipid – not bad in a funny, cheesy way as in some past Schwarzenegger vehicles – but the story makes absolutely no sense.  It depends on enormous coincidences and contrivances to continually move forward.  In several instances, the characters make completely implausible assumptions about the future behavior of other characters to outline their plans of action.  When one goes into an Arnold Schwarzenegger film, one does not look for realism; however, some internal logic would be nice.

“Collateral Damage” has some very odd casting choices.  New Zealand-born Maori, Cliff Curtis, plays the Columbian terrorist, which makes about as much sense as female lead, Italian Francesca Neri, also being cast as a Central American.  It is difficult to believe Curtis’ Arab-like looks had nothing to do with his casting.  He has actually played Arabs before – Sheikh Fadlallah in “The Insider” and Amir Abdullah in “Three Kings.”  Neri plays a woman living in Columbia’s backwoods but still looks like a model from a J.C. Penney’s catalogue.  John Turturro and John Leguizamo make cameos to conveniently propel the inane plot forward.  Leguizamo strains especially hard to provide comic relief but only continues the movie’s comic drought.

So is the action any good?  In the age of Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and “The Matrix,” the answer is a most resounding no.  Aside from his size, Gordy is an average Joe and has no particular fighting aptitude.   As a firefighter, he wields flame and explosives with some efficiency.  What this means is that the movie is just really loud with a lot of fireworks but no grace or excitement.   That not one main character comes across as remotely human fails to inspire greater care in what happens to them.  The movie does carry an interesting if atrocious message that compassion is foolhardy.